PARENTING FREEDOM

.: attachment parenting, homeschooling, gentle discipline :.
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    “I pay the schoolmaster, but ’tis the schoolboys that educate my son.”
    Ralph Waldo Emerson
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  • Pregnancy / Health Update

    Posted By carol on March 13, 2010

    With my hands cupping my womb, I could feel the baby moving around last night! The date would be just past 16 weeks pregnancy/14 weeks after conception. So far, I can only feel movement with my hands. I can’t feel it in my body yet. When I wake up each morning, a big bump sticks up when I lie on my back, but during the rest of the day, it sort of hides. (To clarify, my stomach doesn’t hide - just the womb. LOL)

    I have my maternity clothes ready to go. I ordered some new things online. I hope they won’t make me look too hideous this time around. Fortunately, this was the first time I could buy tall maternity pants. What a relief!  I still wear my regular shirts, and I can comfortably button at least three pairs of my non-maternity pants, but that won’t last much longer. I recently got out my box of stored maternity clothes and made a ‘keep’ pile and a ‘give-away’ pile. It is funny how the pants style has changed so much in just six years – not only the legs, but the back pockets of jeans. I had a great laugh at myself when I tried on some of my old maternity mom-jeans. If you think regular mom-jeans are bad, you should have seen these! The scariest thing is that they are in the ‘keep’ pile until I have the energy to go shopping for a  couple more pairs in a nearby city. To my knowledge, there are ZERO places to buy maternity clothes locally. Sad, really. What do pregnant women do?

    We stopped at a furniture store last night to look at their rocker/recliners. The one I used for my last baby was a very old chair that came from my grandparents. Years ago, we dragged the matching one to the end of the road on Big Garbage Day after one of the kids threw up on it. Both chairs were worn out anyway. I didn’t find a new one that I liked, but we only went to one place. There is lots of time. Then again, it’s hard to believe that in only a few short weeks, I will be half-way through this pregnancy. Yikes!

    I have a new extra-tall bed rail ready for our king-size bed, and I bought new foam wedges for nursing in bed. These are two of my most needed baby items. My wish list also includes new slings, a wrap-around nursing pillow, a dresser for baby clothes, etc.

    My eight-year-old daughter is knitting a blanket for the new baby. At first, she chose pink yarn, but she was encouraged to get white in case it’s not a girl! I’ll take a boy and/or a girl, but she would LOVE to have a sister. After all, when we thought she was getting a girl kitten, it turned out to be a boy when we took her to get spayed. LOL

    This has been by far my most difficult pregnancy – both physically and emotionally.

    Emotionally: Pregnancy following miscarriage is extremely stressful. I never expected it to be so hard. I also have worries of my husband’s job insecurity and the threat of moving hanging over my head.

    Physically: I  am thankful that the 24-hour morning sickness began to slowly ease at 11 weeks, and the last couple weeks have been much better. It was a rough first trimester. In the fall, I was feeling quite well most of the time, but within just a couple weeks of the pregnancy, the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome that I have battled since I was sixteen years old kicked in big time. I didn’t expect to have such debilitating fatigue with this pregnancy. I am particularly grateful for two things in this regard:

    #1 I had the house renovations and house cleaning completely ready just days before I became pregnant. That makes me feel sooooooo much better, because even though I can’t keep up, and I am getting behind with the housekeeping, it is not as overwhelming as it would have been. I pray for strength to be able to cope if we have to move, and also for the basic nesting that I need to do.

    #2 As always, I am very thankful for our homeschooling method. It has been so flexible over the many years of ups and downs with my health. The three oldest children are capable of doing their schoolwork with minimum or even no help from me if necessary. I do not fret over my five-year-old because I know there is lots of time, and as long as he continues to learn a little phonics and math facts here and there, he will do just as well as his brothers and sister. There were many times I was physically unable to put much into homeschooling over the years, yet the children are doing great.

    I haven’t been very chatty on my blog lately because I am just too tired. I have mostly been posting links and quotes with the occasional commentary.

    One interesting change in my lifestyle has occurred after an appointment with another naturopath. I have searched for health answers since I was a teenager. I have tried many, many things – sometimes with good results, but most of the time, nothing helped. During the past few months, I have been desperate to find answers. I don’t know if this time will make the difference, but I am giving it my full effort, even if it kills me. So, with the goal of achieving better health, I have gone vegan! In the past, I was familiar with the vegetable juicing and vegetable smoothies and nut milk and all, but I have never completely eliminated meat/fish/eggs/dairy at the same time before (still using butter). I am also doing no-sugar again. It has been eighteen days, and I have seen no improvement, and unfortunately some negative effects. I will stick with it religiously for a while yet, and I hope to keep at least some of the new habits for the rest of my life. The children have been doing great as well. They are not eating vegan or even vegetarian, but their diets have improved greatly with a salad almost every day and no junk – yet. Over the years, we have gone through many times of eating healthy and eating poorly. I have always found it very discouraging when a strict healthy diet did nothing for my health. Hopefully, this time will be different.

    I haven’t been doing too much during the past few months except trying to cope. One helpful thing has been our amazing winter! I have never seen a winter with such little snow and such great weather. We are having another sunny day, and the forecast is amazing! I haven’t had the strength to enjoy being outside, but in many ways, the weather has been very encouraging.

    Hmmm… what else would you like to know? :-)

    Attachment Parenting Otter-Style

    Posted By carol on March 13, 2010

    I am otter-ly loved: The adorable image of a baby otter taking a nap on its mother’s tummy as she swims across a bay
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1256564/I-otter-ly-trust-Mum-The-adorable-image-baby-otter-taking-nap-mothers-tummy-swims-bay.html

    School Violence

    Posted By carol on March 13, 2010

    Student Stabbed 16 Times With Steak Knife at Manhattan High School
    http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local-beat/Victim-Reportedly-Stabbed-at-Queens-High-School–87471877.html

    Homeschooling and Socialism Don’t Mix

    Posted By carol on March 13, 2010

    Homeschooling to be Criminalized in Sweden
    Will be permitted only under “extraordinary circumstances.”
    http://www.lifesitenews.com/ldn/2010/mar/10031209.html

    “Unborn babies respond to their mother’s mood while she is watching a movie.”

    Posted By carol on March 12, 2010

    Why pregnant film fans should stick to happy movies
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1256990/Unborn-babies-respond-mothers-mood-watches-movie-scientists-say.html?ITO=1490

    “Scientists have discovered that unborn babies respond to their mother’s mood while she is watching a movie – and become quiet and still if the film is sad…”

    “Researchers have no idea how the babies pick up on their mothers’ emotions, but suspect that the rush of hormones triggered by an emotional film are transmitted indirectly to the foetus…”

    “A pregnant mother’s mood and stress levels can affect her unborn child…”

    “Past studies have shown that stressed mothers-to-be are at higher risk of stillbirth and premature birth.”

    “Babies born to stressed mothers are twice as likely to have lower-than-average IQs.”

    “They are also more likely to be hyperactive, suffer from emotional problems and refuse to do as they are told…”

    The Story of Philip

    Posted By carol on March 12, 2010

    A Short Story of a Loving Mother’s Miscarriage and Her Fruitful Sorrow
    http://www.lifesitenews.com/ldn/2010/mar/10031103.html

    Vatican’s chief exorcist

    Posted By carol on March 10, 2010

    Chief exorcist Father Gabriele Amorth
    http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/faith/article7056689.ece

    Sufficient Grace

    Posted By carol on March 10, 2010

    “Believer, you are not exempt from trials, but you have sufficient grace for any trouble. God’s choicest love letters are sent in black-edged envelopes. The envelope frightens us, but if we know how to break the seal we will find riches for our soul. Great trials are the clouds from which God showers great mercies. Frequently, when the Lord has an extraordinary mercy to send, He employs His rough and grizzled horses to drag it to our door. The smooth rivers of ease are usually navigated by little vessels filled with common commodities, but a huge ship loaded with treasure crosses deep seas.” Charles Spurgeon

    Thanks for the quote, thatmom!
    http://www.thatmom.com/

    “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

    Bullied and harassed at school? Sue them!

    Posted By carol on March 10, 2010

    Michigan school district ordered to pay $800,000
    http://www.mlive.com/news/index.ssf/2010/03/michigan_school_district_order.html

    “A Michigan school district accused of not doing enough to prevent the harassment of a student has been ordered to pay $800,000…”

    “The lawsuit said DP was the victim of bullying, starting in sixth grade in 2002…”

    “District lawyer Timothy Mullins told the Detroit Free Press the verdict puts schools in the position of being held liable for student behavior…”

    Edited to add:
    Schoolgirl, 13, found hanged amid claims she was bullied because she was pretty
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1256869/Girl-13-hangs-amid-claims-bullied.html#ixzz0hnt7cr5X

    Promiscuity: “Coerced, Hurt and Used”

    Posted By carol on March 10, 2010

    U.S. herpes rates remain high – CDC
    *1 in 6 Americans infected with herpes
    http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSN0923528620100309

    World Cup Condoms: One BILLION Needed In South Africa
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/03/09/world-cup-condoms-one-bil_n_492160.html

    Pope in Africa reaffirms “no condoms” against AIDS
    * Pope insists on controversial anti-condom policy
    * Says world economic crisis due to “deficit of ethics”
    * Africa suffering “disproportionately” from global crisis
    http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSLH936617._CH_.2400

    “It (AIDS) cannot be overcome by the distribution of condoms. On the contrary, they increase the problem.” Pope Benedict

    I want my child’s school to protect her – not send her home with a bag of condoms
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-443858/I-want-childs-school-protect–send-home-bag-condoms.html#ixzz0hmKQU2MM

    “I do object to the condoms, which simply amount to a bagful of encouragement. If we’re talking traffic lights, they are a green light for under-age sex…”

    “No one tells these girls that it can be confusing, that you can feel coerced, hurt and used.”

    “No one tells them the heretical truth – that in all probability it will be no fun at all….”

    The idea behind these types of sex education programs is to get the young girls familiar with condoms, etc. so their natural inhibitions will be broken down. They are taught that young girls are expected to behave in this way. Sexual promiscuity is “normalized.”

    “The glorious freedom of the children of God.”

    Posted By carol on March 8, 2010

    I recently received this very encouraging email.

    “WOW! You have no idea how stumbling across your website in search of one particular homeschool book has changed our children’s and our family’s life forever!”

    “The Lord has been dealing with me on a handful of issues for a while now. Spanking, Vaccinating and as you put it “baby dumping”… With each baby the way we were “supposed” to do things seemed more and more wrong. After reading your sections on spanking and vaccinating and talking with my husband we have committed to gentle parenting w/no spankings or time outs or other “punishments” and to not vaccinate our baby any more… I do wear my baby as much as possible…”

    “I just wanted to say thank you for this site and the obvious time, effort, and energy put into it. It’s been a turning point in my life and my children’s life.”

    “I especially appreciate that you don’t act like you’ve got it all together. Saying you want your kids to ‘go play’ and things of that nature make me feel like I can do better, too.”

    “I’m a stay at home mom… I breastfeed and practice natural family planning and find myself aligning (to my surprise) to attachment parenting.”

    “God bless you and your work here and your new baby. Please pray for me and my husband that we can overcome our past and look toward our gentle parenting future!”

    What stuck out the most as I read, was when she said, “I especially appreciate that you don’t act like you’ve got it all together.”

    I could write a book on things I do wrong! I certainly don’t have it all together. Not even a little bit. Thankfully, that is where grace comes in big time.

    I actually try to avoid writing about things I’ve done wrong, particularly because I don’t want to embarrass my children in this age of the internet. I do worry about the future consequences of my writing.

    So far, I am fully convinced in my own mind that what I write is true. “Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind.” Romans 14:5

    I might be wrong about my beliefs, but on the other hand, you might be wrong.

    I appreciated this recent sermon, shared by TulipGirl.

    http://www.gohope.net/resources/multimedia/details/?id=58903

    Among other things, I liked where the pastor mentioned that he is getting better at his parenting responses as he has grown as a Christian, by God’s grace. I have had similiar experiences. Even though I continue to do things I wish I did not do, and I fail to do things I want to do, I notice that God is getting rid of some of my old bad habits (sins). For example, when I came to my conclusions about child discipline, (after Child #2), it took a while before I lost the urge to hit with my hand. One time, when my third child was two years old, I shocked myself (and her) when I instinctively swatted her leg to get her to stop flipping over during a diaper change. Thankfully, I have never felt the urge to swat or hit her before or after and have never felt that instinct with my fourth child. Still, occasionally, I disappoint myself when I notice I am yelling at one of the children. I thought I had that under control, but it seeps out. But I am not the one in control. God is. 

    Remember… Grace… Forgiveness… Freedom…

    These are surely the theme verses for my life:

    “We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! Romans 7:21-25

    TulipGirl also gave me a lovely gift for Christmas. A book! *grin* Not just any book, but a book about freedom. One that I found easy to apply to parenting freedom.

    I enjoyed A Scandalous Freedom by Steve Brown very much. I hope this is an acceptable amount of quotes that one has the freedom to post from a book, but there were many more that I would love to share. You will have to order the book for yourself.

    Here are a couple of interesting quotes from A Scandalous Freedom on the topic I was just discussing.

    “The very fact that you want to be better – even perfect – is a sign that you belong to Christ. One of the best ways to find assurance of your salvation is not so much to examine what you do, but to look carefully at what you want to do.” Steve Brown, A Scandalous Freedom, p. 61

    “You greatly diminish your freedom when you pretend to others that you are accomplishing perfection.” Steve Brown, A Scandalous Freedom, p. 64

    I found the following to be the most interesting part of the book, A Scandalous Freedom, especially in regard to parenting:

    “Sometimes God will gives us the gift of obedience, and sometimes he won’t. When God doesn’t, he gives us love and forgiveness. But more important than that, God gives us himself – freely, joyously, and without reservation.”

    “And when he does gives us the gift of obedience, God also gives us an acute awareness that it wasn’t us; it was him. We had very little to do with obedience except, of course, that we went to him. And even that came by his bidding and through his grace…”

    “If you’ve been a Christian very long, you may be wondering why I left out the guilt, the condemnation, and the promises to get better and better in every way, every day. I left them out because they simply aren’t in the Bible. I am drawn to that stuff too, but it simply isn’t there.”

    “If you use the law of God to condemn yourself, go ahead, but don’t say it’s from God. If you allow others to use the law to make you guilty and afraid, go ahead, but don’t call them God’s servants…” Steve Brown, A Scandalous Freedom, p. 233

    “Something about religion will, if you let it, make you into an insecure, self-doubting, failure-producing worm. It happens with the misuse of the law…” Steve Brown, A Scandalous Freedom, p. 234

    “If something we think about God violates what we know of Jesus, what he taught, and how he acted, then that thought lies.” Steve Brown, A Scandalous Freedom, p. 40

    “This is a book about freedom, but it is really more a book about God – not a god we have created from our guilt and our neurotic need for punishment, but about the real God who would have us laugh, sing, and dance.” Steve Brown, A Scandalous Freedom, p. 48

    Here are some more quotes from A Scandalous Freedom. I also included some Scripture verses and a quote from another book.

    “This is why ‘it was credited to him as righteousness.’ The words ‘it was credited to him’ were written not for him alone, but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness—for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead.” Romans 4:22-24

    “Because of the imputed righteousness of Christ, he won’t be angry with you nor will he ever condemn you.” Steve Brown, A Scandalous Freedom, p. 14

    “God loves you and will bless you without condition, without reservation, and without equivocation. You are free!” Steve Brown, A Scandalous Freedom, p. 15

    “The more I experience his love and grace, the more I want to please him.” Steve Brown, A Scandalous Freedom, p. 16

    I mentioned this type of relationship in my essay on child discipline and attachment parenting. I wrote, “ The closer our walk with the Lord, the easier it is to do His will. The parallelism in parenting is similar. The better our relationship with our children, the more they want to obey. It is all about relationship.”

    “Freedom threatens religious people because it takes away their leverage and makes it more difficult for them to maintain control.” Steve Brown, A Scandalous Freedom, p. 19

    People are so afraid that if they take away the punishment factor in their parent/child relationship that they won’t be able to maintain control.

    “Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God’s elect? It is God that justifieth. Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:33-39

    “Someone has described the church services of American Christianity as a nice man standing in front of nice people, telling them that God calls them to be nicer. But if the Christian faith is about being nicer, it becomes moralism; and in that case, Buddhism will probably be of more help than biblical Christianity.” Steve Brown, A Scandalous Freedom, p. 83

    “Through grace, with our assent, our desire begins to be transformed. Energies that once were dedicated simply to relieving ourselves from pain now become dedicated to a larger goodness, more aligned with the true treasure of our hearts. Where we were once interested only in conquering a specific addiction, we are now claiming a deeper longing, and we are concerned with becoming more free from attachments in general, for the sake of love. What had begun as an expedient attempt to reform our behavior has now become a process of transforming a life.” Gerald May, Addiction and Grace

    “The biggest battle you will fight will be with yourself, not with the people you perceive as enemies. They really don’t need fixing. And even if they do, you’re not their mother. We are the ones who need fixing… When I have enemies, I must control, change, or defeat them. That takes a lot of time; but even more important, I find that I have given my enemy the ability to control me and take away my freedom… I don’t have to fix anything or anyone. That is God’s business. When I let him be God, I’m incredibly free to be…well, his servant.” Steve Brown, A Scandalous Freedom, p. 148, 149

    What? We don’t have to constantly fix our children?

    On an aside, I enjoyed what author Steve Brown said about setting himself free from the fear of the West Nile virus (p. 150). Just like I felt free of the Swine Flu!

    “All of the things the world feels are desperately important aren’t really so important after all.” Steve Brown, A Scandalous Freedom, p. 153

    “What if I could admit to you that I’m a sinner and that the statue of limitations hasn’t run out because I committed my sin this morning. What if I no longer had to pretend to be good?” Steve Brown, A Scandalous Freedom, p. 156

    “If God loves me, you can’t manipulate me by threatening to take away your love.” Steve Brown, A Scandalous Freedom, p. 165

    This threatening of taking away of love, comfort, and attachment is a very common discipline style in parenting. It is the worst kind of punishment, but often the easiest to employ. How many times have you been in a store and heard a parent say, “If you don’t come now, I will leave you here.” How many times have you said a similiar thing yourself? Some popular (anti-spanking) parenting programs are based on this philosophy.

    I could quote so many more intersting things from the book, but for now, just read A Scandalous Freedom.

    “Which in time past were not a people, but are now the people of God: which had not obtained mercy, but now have obtained mercy.” 1 Peter 2:10

    “Let freedom ring!!” Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.

    Sarah Palin at Ohio Right to Life Fundraiser

    Posted By carol on March 7, 2010

    “Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.” Isaiah 49:16

    Hat Tip: http://www.therightscoop.com/sarah-palin-god-wrote-on-his-hand-too/

    I am still looking for a transcript or complete video, but here are a couple quotes from her speech:

    “There is no accident. Every child has purpose.” Sarah Palin

    “What seems like life’s greatest challenges in the moment are the greatest blessings in the end.” Sarah Palin

    “The truest measure of a society is how we treat those who are unable to defend or speak for themselves.” Sarah Palin

    “6-Year-Old Suspended From School for Making Gun With Hand”

    Posted By carol on March 6, 2010

    Michigan 6-Year-Old Suspended From School for Making Gun With Hand
    http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,588183,00.html

    Marketing Condoms to 12-Year-Olds

    Posted By carol on March 6, 2010

    ‘Extra Small’ Condoms for 12-Year-Old Boys Go on Sale
    http://www.foxnews.com/story/0%2C2933%2C587980%2C00.html?test=latestnews

    Get rid of the population

    Posted By carol on March 5, 2010

    I was disappointed when I heard that Bill Gates pledged to donate $10 Billion of vaccinations, but I hadn’t realized he was of the same “population reduction mentality” as people like Ted Turner. Yikes.

    Bill Gates talks about ‘vaccines to reduce population’
    http://www.financialsense.com/editorials/engdahl/2010/0304.html

    Quote from Bill Gates: ”‘First we got population. The world today has 6.8 billion people. That’s headed up to about 9 billion. Now if we do a really great job on new vaccines, health care, reproductive health services, we lower that by perhaps 10 or 15 percent…’”

    From the article:

    “Some organizations have suggested that the true aim of the vaccinations is to make people sicker and even more susceptible to disease and premature death.”

    “In the aftermath of the most recent unnecessary Pandemic declaration of a global H1N1 swine flu emergency, industrial countries were left sitting on hundreds of millions of doses of untested vaccines. They decided to get rid of the embarrassing leftover drugs by handing them over to the WHO which in turn plans to dump them for free on select poor countries. France has given 91 million of the 94 million doses the Sarkozy government bought from the pharma giants; Britain gave 55 million of its 60 million doses. The story for Germany and Norway is similar…”

    “A new form of eugenics?”

    “The idea of using vaccines to covertly reduce births in the Third World is also not new…”

    Hat Tip: http://www.naturalnews.com/Index.html