Encouraging Obedience
I was recently asked how to help children obey. I always hesitate to give advice because I am far from an expert, and I also don’t know what another family’s situation is really like. I can only share what has worked for me. Here are a few things that came into my mind.
I believe it is helpful to start by teaching children about obedience and by referencing Scripture.
Calling family meetings has become a regular part of my parenting, preferably before I feel frustrated. Family meetings or even one-on-one meetings are very helpful. Coming up with a new “plan” gives everyone a fresh start.
If I tell the children to do something, I “say it” and if they don’t act, then I have to get off my butt to “help” or make sure they follow through.
If I tell a child to do something, and the child ignores me or complains, I say something like, “Mommy told you to do that. Is this what you are saying to me? ‘Mommy, I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to obey you. I want to do my own thing.’ Is that the right thing to do? Do you need help to do what Mommy says?” I make it clear that they are choosing to disobey. I try to actually make that an option in our house. In the end, they usually change their minds (and hearts).
Teaching conflict resolution is important to me. I think it is a lot better to teach siblings how to resolve their conflicts instead of spanking them. Seems a lot more logical and productive to me.
My favorite problem solving technique is an idea I got from the book Emotional Intelligence. We made it into a small traffic light sign that we keep in various rooms of the house. If I am not too lazy, I call “red light” when I see or hear conflict, and we go through these steps:
STOP
Calm down.
Think before you act.
Say the problem.
Say how you feel.
Set a positive goal.
Think of lots of solutions.
Think ahead to the consequences.
GO ahead.
Try the best plan.
That’s all I could think of off-hand. I know there are tons of other ideas.
If you want help in solving parenting dilemmas, I encourage you to ask questions at these message boards. The mothers are very helpful.
http://motheringbygrace.com/forum/index.php
http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/mb/
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2 Responses to “Encouraging Obedience”
By carol on Jun 12, 2008 | Reply
And before Derek jumps in here, “Jimmy likes Elaine.”
http://youtube.com/watch?v=okyV9YmkuWQ
By TulipGirl on Jun 19, 2008 | Reply
Several years ago you posted the Stop. . . Say. . . Go. . . outline that is also in this post. I printed it out and colored and posted it on the fridge as a reminder to us (to ME.)
Can I tell you how thrilled I was to find glass tumblers in Ukraine with stoplights on them? I bought them right away to use as a teaching tool and reminder for all of us.