PARENTING FREEDOM

Carol | August 20, 2010

DISCLAIMER:
Follow your doctor’s advice and all warning labels for ALL issues regarding your baby.

This will be my fifth “Attachment Parented” baby. I have mothered in this way more intensely with each child, and I have no regrets in that area. I praise and thank God for leading me to “Attachment Parenting”.

I promised you pictures of my “Attachment Parenting Nursery”, and naturally, you get my opinions thrown in, so here we go… It might make you feel better to read a different blog.

We have the means, but not the will, to have a separate nursery for Baby. I believe a traditional nursery is NOT in the best interests of a baby. I believe a nursery only satisfies the mother-to-be’s dreams of having a beautiful baby room, as well as peer and family’s expectations and traditions.

What about Baby?

Baby not only WANTS to be with Mother, but EXPECTS and NEEDS to be with Mother.

What is the perfect nursery for a baby?

Mother’s eyes. Mother’s voice. Mother’s arms. Mother’s breasts. Mother’s love. MOTHER.

Contrary to what you might think, nesting is a big deal for me. I prepare for months to get things ready for Baby, but I do nurseries differently than most mothers. I prepare the nest in the location where I actually intend to nest.

During the past few months, we redecorated our master bedroom, and it was completed today with the arrival of our two new swivel/rocker recliners. And now for details…

NESTING AREA
~ large bed
~ comfortable chair for mother (Mine is the patterned one.)
~ comfortable chair for father (My husband wanted his in leather which I find too cold.)
~ Baby’s dresser (with a drawer on one end for mother and a drawer on the other end for father)
~ coasters for glasses on each end of the dresser
~ night table
~ lamps

(The flash made the colors a little brighter than they actually are. The reds are darker in real life.)

NURSING CHAIR
~ swivel/rocker recliner
~ My Brest Friend nursing pillow
~ blanket
~ book basket on floor next to chair for reading to older child

SIDE TABLE / NIGHT TABLE
~ tissue box
~ touch lamp (so important for Mother’s panicky concerns for Baby in the night)
~ telephone with the ringer off (I can hear the phone from the kitchen.)
~ intercom where I can call for help when Baby poos all over me or when my throat is so dry that I desperately need water (My family is great to help!) The intercom also doubles as an audio baby monitor when necessary.
~ white noise machine (Thanks, M&C!)
~ place for TWO water glasses (in wooden container where I won’t knock them over during my sleep-deprived nights) (Experience tells me that TWO glasses of water are needed for nursing mothers.)
~ same container also holds remote controls, cream, pens/pencils, notepad
~ phone book in a drawer
~ Bible/books in a drawer
~ notebook in a drawer for my middle-of-the-night inspired writing and list making
~ night light that I can cover/uncover when needed (I prefer darkness, but need to be able to check baby quickly.)
~ diaper change basket (includes diapers, waterproof change pad, tissue box, container with soap, water container)
~ garbage can on floor

FAMILY BED
~ king-sized bed (We downgraded! The biggest we have had in the past was a queen and double side-by-side.)
~ waterproof mattress pad for king-sized bed
~ waterproof change pads for Baby to sleep on (with soft material on one side)
(If Baby’s diapers tend to leak, sleeping on these tend to protect the mattress and save unnecessary work.)
~ king-sized bed is also used for changing wet diapers during the night or naps

GUARD RAIL ON BED
~ extra tall with anchor for king-sized bed
~ has attached case to hold easily accessible diapers, waterproof change pads, receiving blankets, undershirts, my books, etc.

BED NEST
I have never been able to nurse lying down, but I still like to be comfortable in my bed during night feedings, etc.
~ two 12-inch foam wedges
~ at least two pillows (one for my head)
~ My Brest Friend nursing pillow (a substitute for a nursing pillow is a regular pillow folded in half and stuffed to the end of a pillowcase with a knot in the end.)
~ pillow seat (I use a foam medical supply pillow for my sore you-know-what following birth)

FLOOR DIAPER CHANGING AREA
I always thought change tables were ridiculous. I prefer to SIT when I do diapers. I also like the safety factor of a floor changing area which means Baby will NOT roll off when being changed. I can go get more supplies without any concerns.
~ thin foam mattress with crib mattress pad and crib sheet for cover
~ waterproof change pad
~ diaper change basket (includes diapers, waterproof change pad, tissue box, container with soap, water container)
~ jungle gym blanket where we will hang our mobile/toys overhead Baby to entertain Baby and siblings during diaper changes and playtime (not pictured) (Thanks, Grammie and Grampie!)

FLOOR BED
The change area also makes a great floor bed. It is also a very safe place for Baby to sleep when mother has to leave the room and Baby can roll over.
~ thin foam mattress with crib mattress pad and crib sheet for cover
~ blanket to match our king-sized bed blanket

BABY’S DRESSERS
~ waterproof change pads
~ receiving blankets
~ towels/washcloths
~ undershirts (My babies always wore undershirts to bed because sleepers were too warm for them. I like the one-piece style with no snaps or buttons on the chest, but just three snaps at the bottom.)
~ diapers
~ baby toys basket (Baby toys range from 17-years-old to brand new.)
~ blankets
~ bathtub rack liner
~ socks, hats, etc.
~ slings and wraps and carriers (see picture below)

BABY’S CLOTHES (IN MY CLOSET)
It took me five babies to figure out that I should HANG the baby’s clothes on hangers instead of keeping them in a dresser. Hanging them enables you to see the lengths, and Baby won’t grow out of them without wearing them if you can see the sizes.

BABYWEARING NEST
When Baby and Mother are not in the nest described above, Baby still gets to be close to Mother in a carrier/sling/wrap. Here are some of my slings and wraps all washed and ready. I wouldn’t want to count how many carriers/slings I have owned over the years. They are much more important to me than any other article of clothing that I have. I am not a shoe or purse or clothes girl, but definitely a sling girl.

EXTRA THINGS IN THE MASTER BEDROOM
~ definitely a TV with remote controls
~ clock
~ paintings
~ pictures (I have to wait for Baby to get born to get a huge family picture for over the bed)
~ flowers
~ teddy bear

DIAPER BAG
~ my new red leather diaper bag ready for hospital

(The flash made the colors brighter than they are. The reds are darker in real life.)

~ diapers
~ waterproof change pad
~ tissues
~ water bottle
~ soap and container
~ diaper wipes
~ opaque lunch bags with ties for dirty diapers
~ clothes
~ receiving blanket
~ ring sling
~ and more…

Almost 17-Years-Old Going-Home-From-the-Hospital Baby Outfit Worn by All Four of My Children and Ready for #5

That sums up everything I can think of now. When Baby actually arrives, I will no doubt see areas that need to be changed to make things easier. I like things to be practical and efficient. It’s hard to remember everything since it has been six years since I’ve had a baby in the house. AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, everything will soon be MESSY, and I will be embarrassed to show you when you visit. I tend to make people and things look better in pictures.

If you have any suggestions that I would like, please write them in the comments, or send me a note. I love new attachment parenting ideas.

MY SHARING SLEEP NOTES
The following are my personal observations of sharing sleep with my baby.

~ I like to listen to those soft little coos in his sleep.
~ I like to watch him sleep.
~ I like to reach out and pat his back.
~ It is so touching to catch those little sleep smiles, and he sometimes even chuckles out loud in his sleep.
~ I feel secure when I hear his quiet steady breathing, and contented sighs.
~ I know he is safe.
~ However unlikely, I never fear having to go get him if there is a fire or emergency.
~ I like to cover up his little shoulders.
~ I like to be certain he is warm during our Canadian winter nights.
~ I am there to help him regulate his body temperature.
~ I am able to unconsciously teach him to sleep with my body rhythms.
~ If he starts to stir, I can sometimes comfort him back to a deep sleep.
~ Feeding baby couldn’t be easier or more convenient.
~ I am there to massage his tummy to relieve that uncomfortable feeling.
~ I am able to prevent him from completely waking up when his tummy feels empty, thus making it easier to get him back to sleep after nursing.
~ I never have to try to lower him down into a cold crib, desperately hoping not to awaken him.
~ I get more sleep.
~ Sleep sharing extends postpartum infertility.

MY ATTACHMENT PARENTING ESSAYS
William Sears, M.D. and Martha Sears, R.N. are credited with coining the term, attachment parenting, to summarize the following practices:

* Connecting with your baby early.

For more information, read Pregnancy, Natural Childbirth, Birth Comfort.

http://parentingfreedom.com/pregnancy

* Reading and responding to your baby’s cues.

For more information, read Cry it Out, Sleep Training: Is CIO Biblical?

http://parentingfreedom.com/cry-it-0ut

* Breastfeeding your baby.

For more information, read Breastfeeding, Extended Nursing, Spacing Babies.

http://parentingfreedom.com/breastfeeding

* Wearing your baby.

For more information, read Babywearing: Why Should I Carry My Baby?

http://parentingfreedom.com/babywearing

* Sharing sleep with your baby

For more information, read Sleep Sharing, Family Bed: Where Should Baby Sleep?

http://parentingfreedom.com/sleep

DISCLAIMER:
Follow your doctor’s advice and all warning labels for ALL issues regarding your baby.

Category: Baby #6, Homemaking, Journal 2010, Parenting Attachment, Parenting Babywearing, Parenting Breastfeeding, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Pregnancy, Parenting Sleep Sharing | 10 Comments »
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Carol | August 7, 2010

Almost 38 weeks pregnant (at 40 years old)
(With CFS, you usually don’t look as sick and tired as you usually are.)

Four Siblings waiting for Baby

This is not an inspiring or faithful account of my pregnancy. I am not looking for sympathy. I am not playing the victim. I am not crying, “It’s not fair.” As a Calvinist, I believe I deserve hell, but for the grace of God, go I. I don’t believe suffering is a punishment for sin in this world, although our experiences and choices may result in pain. I am not “Surprised by Suffering,” nor do I have a “Problem with Pain.” I just thought it was a good time to share some things about the past nine months.

Our chief end may be to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever, but whether we like it or not, our biological purpose is to survive and reproduce. When this instinct is thwarted, and the person has a conflict related to reproduction, scientific discoveries indicate that specific health problems will result. For example, issues related to the ovaries can be caused by profound loss or fear of loss conflicts. Procreation conflicts, etc. would involve the uterus, fibroids, etc. Having tubes tied and taking the pill are simply going against nature and can cause problems, even when they are the woman’s choice.

Anyway, about me… I wanted to be pregnant for the fifth time just as much as I wanted to be pregnant the first and subsequent times. And that was a lot. Having and raising children has always been the main goal and desire of my life. I wanted lots of them. I was devastated when my fifth child died and was miscarried. That wasn’t part of the plan.

I wanted to be pregnant the sixth time even more than ever before. (This difficult pregnancy cured me of that.) You can’t get pregnant yourself, so it wasn’t working for me. I wanted another baby for the same reasons I wanted all my other children, and additionally, I knew that it would help in the healing following miscarriage.

One evening, last December, I gave up… Completely… Absolutely… At almost forty, I accepted that I would not be having any more children. I would be content with the four living, healthy ones I had. I wasn’t particularly happy, but I was at peace.

http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/i/s/isurrend.htm

Only a couple hours later that evening, for some strange reason, I felt prompted to take a pregnancy test. Weird. (I have taken only about ten tests in my life, so this was not typical.) Even though I deeply wanted to be pregnant, it would have been close to a miracle for it to be true. Sperm don’t usually live for four days and/or ovulation doesn’t usually occur a day or two earlier than a thermal shift. The pregnancy test was positive. Perhaps not miraculous, but very unusual. Wow.

Pregnancy following miscarriage has been a nerve-wracking experience. It’s not easy to “Fear not” when you’ve held the remains of your last baby in your hands. It’s hard to believe in prayer, when the last plea was answered with, “No, this baby must die.” My mind dealt with depression and despair, intermixed with hope. Five months of checking for blood every day is not fun. Experience told me there would be no guarantee that this baby would live. Nine months later, I realize that the strong baby kicks could end tomorrow. I don’t know if this baby is healthy or will face extreme challenges at birth. I don’t know if I will feel better or worse following the birth. I no longer take anything for granted.

At the beginning of 2010, at about six weeks pregnant, my body began to deal with the worst Chronic Fatigue of my life, even more exhausting and distressing than my first round at the age of sixteen. In 1986, CFS kept me in bed for only a season, although it never went completely away for the next 24 years. During this pregnancy, I was down for many months of 20+ hours per day. I also had the typical uncomfortable pregnancy symptoms.

Chronic Fatigue makes me feel so useless and unproductive. It is difficult to find value in myself when I accomplish virtually nothing in a day. It is hard to see myself with eyes of grace when I see more value in the fruit of my work. I suppose it is hypocritical for me to think I value the handicapped, disabled, and elderly when I scorn myself because I am unable to contribute or work. This experience is very humbling and likely a good lesson to learn.

“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.” Ephesians 2: 8,9

One thing I acknowledge is that many people have to deal with situations that are much worse than mine. I can’t imagine having to face the past nine months as a single or working mother. There were only a few days that I would have been able to go to a job. I also know that my struggles pale in comparison to lifelong infertility, repeated miscarriage, stillbirth, circumstances that would lead a woman to choose abortion, loss of a child, challenging health diagnoses, suffering and dying in front of one’s children, etc. Life and death are so hard.

I wanted so much to thoroughly enjoy what is likely to be my last pregnancy, but that was not to be. There are other stressful factors throughout my life that would give you more insight, but I don’t know when or if I will ever share them.

Here are some things for which I have been thankful during the past nine months. My children have been great during this pregnancy. They have been very helpful, compassionate, and caring. The roots of attachment parenting and the fruits of gentle discipline have been obvious. Self-teaching homeschooling has been a blessing. My husband works hard to provide for us. I know my whining, complaining, and distress have caused my family stress and worry. Suffering in silence is not one of my strengths. I do worry that because they have seen how difficult pregnancy can be, they might fear pregnancy in the future. I hope not. Extended family has been helpful. My grandparents, mother-in-law, and mother were always willing to help with meals and household chores. I am thankful for lots of take-out and frozen pizzas.

I am so tired. Experience tells me the hardest part is yet to come. How do you birth successfully when just rolling over causes such discomfort and pain? Usually the most difficult part for me is the first six weeks following birth. That makes me scared.

I have had glimpses of joy during this pregnancy. I have the hope of the joy of a healthy new baby in my arms. But I know things don’t always turn out like I plan. And there is nothing I can do about it.

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21

http://nethymnal.org/htm/m/y/myhopeis.htm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here are some of my medical adventures of 2010. I live in an area where I am allowed only one doctor at only one hospital. You don’t get to switch doctors. Midwives are still illegal, and birthing centers are non-existent. I have always been too weak following birth to feel comfortable with unassisted homebirth. Soooooooo, in order to make sure my doctor will deliver my baby, I scheduled some prenatal appointments – delayed by months and stretched out as far as reasonably possible. As usual, I submitted to the routine blood tests, a couple of routine vaginal tests (not a pap this time), along with regular blood pressure checks, urine tests, weighing, and belly measuring. That’s it. Nothing invasive where I felt there would be risks. I refuse all ultrasounds, other prenatal testing, glucose tolerance testing, etc. (These are my personal decisions, but you should definitely follow your doctor’s advice.) After five pregnancies of these appointments, I look back at every one as a complete waste of time and tax-payer money. 

After my first prenatal appointment this pregnancy, I got a call from a nurse at the hospital so she could fill out my form to make admittance faster. She obviously remembered me from my previous births and even said, “Oh, you’re the one with the birth plan!”  Hmmm… Six years after my last birth, and I was the ONLY WOMAN WITH A BIRTH PLAN! Oh, yeah, it’s likely related to the fact that our hospital has one of the highest cesarean section rates in Canada – I’ve heard it’s been as high as 34% here.“In Canada, 26.3% of women delivered babies by cesarean in 2005 – 2006, increased from 25.6% in 2004 – 2005. However, there was huge variation between health regions (17.8% to 36.8%).” We also have one of the highest obesity rates and teen pregnancy rates in the country.

During my second last prenatal appointment, I stared at the walls, counting the dozen or more vaccination posters and the many other drug posters. I had the intense feeling that “I don’t belong here.” It’s hard to believe this radical medical system is completely funded and completely accepted by the public without question. People don’t even notice that their sacred cow isn’t making them healthy.

When they first began routine testing during my last full-term pregnancy, I tested positive for Group B Strep. This time, I knew how to make the test negative. Beginning four days before the test, I began my little garlic and tea tree oil experiment. Success! The test result was negative. I am thankful I don’t have to deal with signing papers to refuse antibiotics, and I don’t have to face the medical pressure, threats, and scare tactics this time around. [Note added August 15: I used the garlic and tea tree oil again for the baby. I am not interested in just passing the test, but making sure there is no bacteria that would harm the baby.]

My blood tests show low iron and my breathing has been laboured for the past couple months. I asked the doctor about me using oxygen during labour, and she says it will be available. I am scared about not being able to breathe. Maybe if the baby drops, I will breathe better.

My doctor began her vacation yesterday and will be off until three days before my due date. I have an appointment on Tuesday to meet her fill-in. I am thankful she is female and that she speaks fluent English. Three visits to the emergency room over the past few years resulted in attempted conversations with three different doctors who could not understand me, and I certainly did not understand them. Isn’t communication rather important during medical decisions? *sigh*

Lately, the baby has been playing with me. Really!  He or she sticks his or her foot in my upper right side, and I push back on the foot and speak baby talk. Then, I don’t talk again until I feel the next foot push. This happens about twenty times in a row until he or she is played out. I feel the little arms and fists rubbing his or her face down low, and I feel the hiccups down low, both indicating that the head is still down. I am soooo thankful!!  A flip would be a guaranteed c-section.

I have had contractions daily for the past two months. I guess that’s good because it helps prepare for labour.

One week when I was particularly unwell, the children helped get the groceries. The older two boys went around with the list and cart and the younger two kids and I sat and waited. They did great!  During another grocery store trip, a strange man told me to “Put the watermelon back.” I am sick and tired of the stares and people talking about me. Just this week, I felt the urge to give some people the finger – something I have NEVER done before in my life. LOL

When my labour starts, I hope to stay at home as long as possible. The decision for me to leave for the hospital has been hard to judge after the first couple of children. I don’t want to stay home too long because my husband wouldn’t handle a messy vehicle birth well, and I wouldn’t want them to take the baby from me when we landed at the hospital, but being at the hospital too long would not be good either. Too much time for unwanted interventions.

It’s hard to pack my clothes because the few things I have been wearing lately are always on me or in the wash. I asked the doctor what the women wear these days for birthing, and it is the typical open-in-the-back hospital gown which makes breastfeeding impossible (with modesty). Once again, I have to come up with my own birthing clothes. I have a few new breastfeeding-friendly tops for after birthing.

I have my iPod ready to roll with three hypnobirthing albums and some other comfort music, along with a folder of my regular 60′s-80′s tunes. I have helpful supplements, including energy drink ingredients and some nutrition bars in my hospital bag. I have fruit-juice Mr. Freezes hidden in the basement freezer. I plan to take my birthing ball INTO the hospital this time. My husband didn’t think I needed it the last time, so it stayed in the vehicle. Hopefully, I can sit on it and rest my head on the hospital bed. After hurting my back a couple weeks ago, walking hasn’t been going so well. My goal is to stay vertical and RELAX. I worry about not having practiced squatting and not having exercised. But I would have, if I could have. I hope to use a wheeled food tray on which to rest my head and upper body when I labour on the toilet at the hospital. (On an aside note, I have seen a hospital janitor wipe the toilet and THEN wipe the sink with the same cloth.) I worry about climbing up on the stupid birthing bed when the pushing needs to begin. That is when I hurt my tailbone the last time. I have been told I had many of the same nurses for my previous births, although I wouldn’t recognize any of them. I am in deep concentration during labour and delivery. In addition to my iPod, I bought an eye mask to block out distractions and the unpleasant environment. Although he was helpful many times, I found it annoying when my husband and the nurses would have big discussions, sitting there watching me the whole time. Argh. Nurse, I don’t care what you think about homeschooling. Such conversations drain my energy level.

I always refuse episiotomies, and I always get a small tear needing a few stitches. Each time, I have been told an episiotomy would have been much worse. During the labour and delivery of my first child, I was constantly pressured into drugs and doing things I didn’t want to do. They even took my baby in the night for a few hours against my will. For my second child, I laboured at home for 24 1/2 hours and went to the hospital for the last two hours before delivering a 10 lbs. 4 oz. baby. I fainted after his birth and was thankfully caught by a nurse. The worst thing that happened was during  my third delivery when the cord was wrapped around my daughter’s neck. There was extra bleeding as a result which needed help to be stopped. You can read the complete story of my fourth pregnancy and delivery here: http://unbornbabyjournal.com/ and my fifth pregnancy here: http://unbornbabyjournal.com/river.html

I have the SAME little white sleeper, sweater, hat, booties, and blanket in my new diaper bag that all four of my children wore home from the hospital.

We have baby names picked out. It is the same girl’s name we chose nine years ago (in case my daughter had a twin sister.) The boy’s name is from our list. It is hard to keep coming up with names to please both of us, but my husband and I are reasonably sure about our choices.

We are finishing the bedroom/nursery, and I will eventually post pictures of our attachment parenting bedroom. We seem to redecorate before every baby.

C9 is so excited!

L5 kisses my baby belly almost every time he goes by.

Here are a few more pregnancy pictures for registered readers:
http://parentingfreedom.com/2010/08/08/could-be-my-last-pregnancy-pictures-ever/

UPDATE August 10, 2010:

I met the doctor who will be replacing mine Monday through Friday for the next two weeks. She seems great! She herself had three children completely naturally. I am very relieved.  She guesses the baby will weigh 8 1/2 pounds. There will be two different female doctors during the next two weekends, and then my regular doctor is back. Time will tell whom I will get.

Category: Abortion, Baby #6, Christianity, Depression, Facebook, Family Planning, Health, Homeschooling Controversy, Journal 2010, Miscarriage, Parenting Attachment, Parenting Discipline, Parenting Pregnancy, Parenting Stay-at-Home, Special Needs, Vaccination | 8 Comments »
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Carol | July 9, 2010

If you are a regular reader and would like access to my family pictures, feel free to email me and tell me about your family.

I just posted 70 family pictures! (May 16th to July 4th 2010). Even some pregnancy pictures.
http://parentingfreedom.com/2010/07/09/family-pictures-may-16th-july-6th-2010/

A very sweet reader wrote to me today, and I thought I would post some of my reply to her. Please pray for H as she is having a difficult pregnancy as well. I know I haven’t written back to a few other readers, but I expect to eventually. Sorry about that, S, B, and A. Some letters are easier to reply to then others.

I was just wondering yesterday how common it is to feel this bad during pregnancy. I guess it’s part of the curse. :-/ Pregnancy books list oodles of uncomfortable symptoms, so I suspect it’s very common to feel terrible. And when you meet fellow mothers, they sympathize when you’re visibly pregnant, especially in hot weather. This is definitely my worst pregnancy by far.

“He is not a daylight God, who can not know his children in darkness.” Charles Spurgeon

I like when the baby has hiccups, because the location reassures me that the HEAD IS DOWN! Hurray! (I will feel sorry for him/her after birth when he/she gets the hiccups though.) Breech is always a worry to me because I was breech, and our hospital has never heard of delivering breech babies naturally. Their c-section rate is the highest in the country. *gag*

Baby is kicking well. Some kicks make me catch my breath and say “Ouch”. I have a hard time getting enough air in. My lungs are getting crowded. I can only lie on my side (if I want to breathe). Walking waddling hurts. I look down at my belly and wonder how I’m going to get the baby out. ACK! I know I’ve done it before, but still… My doctor is on vacation until three days before my due date, and I am NOT happy with the replacements. I have always delivered before my due date. Please pray that I will handle everything well, and that the baby (and I) will be fine.

Everything I do takes such effort. I have not exercised or practiced squatting with this pregnancy at all – BUT, I have practiced deep relaxation. Self-hypno-style birthing worked great last time.

SMALL steps in nesting mean a lot to me these days. I would love to have the house clean and organized, but during this difficult pregnancy, I have been able to accept the disorder, do the bare minimum, and realize it is not the end of the world.

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42

As long as I get my nesting area ready, and the kids are fed (even junk) and happy (relatively), I am choosing to feel accomplished. I have been trying very hard to do some summer things with the kids, but I always pay for it the next day (and sometimes the following day as well).

Derek took me to a nearby city to finish up some nesting. Two La-Z-Boy chairs, a comforter set, and curtains have been ordered for our bedroom. We bought a new cabinet for baby stuff and a Danier leather diaper bag! YAY!! (I DON’T do nurseries, baby rooms, cribs, cradles, change tables, strollers, bottles, pacifiers, baby food, etc.) I DO designer slings, wraps, guard rail for king size bed, etc. Baby #5 and Attachment Parenting still rocks!

I bought our first DIAPERS for this baby!!!!! YAY!! Last year, I cried every time I went by the diaper aisle. I also bought CONTAINERS for baby stuff. Fun!

With the hope of preventing continued insults and negative, disapproving looks, I stopped answering two questions: “What is your due date?” and “How many is this?” My honest reply to “How many is this?” is: “Well, I wanted ten, compromised with my husband for six, but one died last year, so this will only make five.” I suspect the mouths will still drop, but with a little less disgust.

As per each of my pregnancies, there is an ongoing contest between my belly and my butt. It is usually a tie, but thankfully both lose in the end when I give birth. (At least I’d like to think so.) Anything else you’d like to know?

I don’t do ultrasounds, but I have five reasons why I think the baby is a girl. I’ll share if I’m right. Heh. I will be happy either way.

I’d love to hear from you! I sometimes wonder if anyone besides my mother and a few others still visit my blog.

Category: Baby #6, Facebook, Homemaking, Journal 2010, Parenting Attachment, Parenting Pregnancy | 6 Comments »
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Carol | May 11, 2010

I used to post more of my own material for my website, but for the past long while, it seems I only link to other articles with the occasional personal comment here and there. I am sorry that I haven’t had the strength nor the inspiration for creative writing during the past six months. I haven’t been able to blog the story of this pregnancy either because it’s been just too emotional and difficult.

I apologize for either not responding at all or only half-heartedly to the encouraging comments and emails I have received during the past several months. I used to reply every time, but lately it has been exhausting, and sometimes I just don’t know what to say. I do appreciate when you take the time to write to me, and I will try to do better in replying. Thank you!

I am doing better healthwise. I still get extremely fatigued, but unlike the first 20 weeks of this pregnancy, I have been improving instead of getting worse. That was so scary. I can finally cope and even do things which makes me very encouraged and hopeful. I am also beginning to stop worrying about miscarrying.

I went to my first (and only so far) prenatal appointment and heard the baby’s heartbeat. I get Braxton Hicks contractions. I feel the baby kicking some. The hiccups seem to indicate that baby’s head is down. If that is the case, I pray it stays that way.

Me – Almost 25 weeks pregnant
(I can’t get Derek to stop taking worm’s eye view pictures.)

I stuck to the vegan diet for about six weeks, but since I kept getting more sick, I made some changes. I still make vegetable smoothies, almond/grape milk, take all my supplements, and continue to make better choices and avoid most unhealthy foods. I have continued to make Sunday night fruit smoothies for the family, and I bought quite a few containers to make homemade smoothie popsicles, both of which the children love.

Vegetable smoothie that turns into a bubbling crude

Vegetable smoothie and fruit salad

Fruit smoothie ingredients

Homemade smoothie popsicles in the freezer

I haven’t scrapbooked for 3 1/2 years, so I felt bad that I was so far behind with a little baby on the way. Just because this baby is the fifth child shouldn’t mean he or she doesn’t get pictures in an album. Inspired by the very talented Kelle of Enjoying the Small Things, I have discovered the wonderful world of photobooking. Kelle does digital scrapbooking and then has her beautiful pages collected in photobooks. I would love to do digital scrapbooking, yet I can’t figure out how to get started at all. Photobooking has been wonderfully easy with delightful results (not magnificent like Kelle’s, but satisfactory to me right now). I finally feel productive after many months of getting nothing done. That has been very hard on my head since my mind wants me to go, go, go. Just during the past few weeks, I completed three albums (January – June 2009, July – December 2009, January – June 2008), and I almost have July – December 2008 finished. Hopefully all of 2007 will fit in one album. I will then have only January – June 2010 to finish before the baby!  Lovely. I look forward to taking family pictures this fall.

We thought we had our baby names, but it seems there are too many people with the same names. I would welcome any baby names suggestions (in the comments below). I can’t find a good baby names website, so I would appreciate any tips in that area as well.

It has been a sad week in our community with the tragic death of a fourteen-year-old girl who lived up the road from us. She died in a car accident. Her mother is one of the sweetest, friendliest people I know. She is the kind of person who would get voted Miss Congeniality in the real world. What a devastating loss to their little family. Unbearable. http://nethymnal.org/htm/b/e/bestill.htm

The children are continuing to do their school work. Usually they have most subjects finished by mid-May, but this year, most subjects will likely go until the end of June. The 3 R’s will continue throughout the summer because of the baby and Derek’s job situation. The older boys have been dipping into their next year’s book stash. They just can’t help it – especially those Glenn Beck recommendations. They also received a new box of books with Canadian content yesterday. http://www.freedompress.ca/

Jean Chretien: A Legacy of Scandal ~ Paul Tuns
As I See It ~ Michael Coren
Standing on Guard for Thee ~ Michael Wagner
Loyal to the Core: Stephen Harper, Me and the NCC ~ Gerry Nicholls
The Great Canadian Comedy: From Laughter To Tears ~ Joe Campbell
Stop the Presses! ~ Joseph Farah

I bought another Willow Tree ornament because of the new baby. This will be our family in August.

I would love to hear from you. Certain blogging decisions I have made over the past couple years has resulted in less reader feedback, so it is encouraging to hear from those of you who still visit my website.

Now, back to politics as usual…

Category: Baby #6, Books, Movies, Television, Canadian, Food, Health, Homeschooling Academics, Journal 2010, Parenting Pregnancy, Politics Canadian | 16 Comments »
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Carol | May 11, 2010

Here are some of our spring pictures that I am willing to share publicly. Go here for the private pictures: http://parentingfreedom.com/2010/05/11/spring-pictures/ (Send me information about yourself if you want access.)

First backyard soccer of the season – April 6, 2010
B11, L5, C8

C8 enjoys listening to audio books on her MP3 player
April 12, 2010

Inspired by a library book

Paint – April 23, 2010

Brushes

Backyard soccer with Daddy
April 25, 2010

We got our trampoline last year, and I am surprised that it continues to be greatly enjoyed by all of them – especially when they use nerf swords and have jumping battles.

The day the trampoline was put together again
May 1, 2010

Father and Daughter
May 2, 2010

Derek and the children at the beach

Note the American Girl doll in the doll back carrier
with foam rollers in her hair while her mother plays soccer.
May 8, 2010

Fiddlehead picking on Saturday (Not so pretty, eh?)

Category: Canadian, Facebook, Homeschooling Activities, Journal 2010 | 4 Comments »
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Carol | April 5, 2010

Easter Egg Hunt
(Each child searches for his or her own color of eggs.
Completely fair with four children of greatly varying ages!)

Opening the eggs

Treats inside the eggs

Play-dough

On the way home from Nana’s delicious Easter dinner:

Two eagles were floating on icecakes.
They kept flying up river, so they could float down again.

Eagle

Click here for private pictures:
http://parentingfreedom.com/2010/04/05/easter-sunday-2010/

Category: Canadian, Facebook, Holidays, Journal 2010 | No Comments »
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Carol | April 3, 2010

Doing the Easter story

Easter craft

Sign of spring: fly swatting sport

Spring flowers (We actually found the first two dandelions yesterday.)

Yum!

L5′s masterpieces

Candy sprinkles

More Easter cookies

Sprinkles on the floor

Twitterpated doves

C8

La di da!

The mess

Falls

Click here for private pictures:
http://parentingfreedom.com/2010/04/03/spring-and-easter-pictures/

Category: Canadian, Facebook, Holidays, Homeschooling Activities, Journal 2010 | 1 Comment »
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Carol | March 21, 2010

C8 and I used the stethoscope on the baby bump (seems more like a hill) this morning. As expected, it was a little early to hear the heartbeat, but we enjoyed listening to the whoosh-whoosh-whoosh of the placenta. Right now, at almost 18 weeks, the placenta is on the lower right side. The children enjoyed seeing drawings of unborn babies at this stage.

Regarding my pregnant body, I feel much better after Googling photos of pregnant women as far along as I am. I have been feeling so fat, but by the pictures, I guess it is normal, even small for this stage! My regular pants still zip right up!

Derek took my blood sugar this morning, and my mother took my blood pressure last night. Both were in the normal range. I don’t know why I am so extremely weak and tired. It has been going on so long that I am getting very discouraged and losing hope. After 25 days of continually getting worse on the vegan diet, I have added a little more protein, but I still feel terrible.

The combination of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Pregnant-at-Forty makes you appreciate the good minutes, hours, days of life. I look at people and am amazed at their strength. They can get up and move without exhaustion. They can talk without tiring. Being physically able to stand, and walk, and sit up, and talk, and work, and play are certainly things to be appreciated, because sometimes, “You don’t know what you got till it’s gone.”

“No man can be brave who thinks pain the greatest evil; nor temperate, who considers pleasure the highest good.”
Cicero

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.”
Romans 8:18-23

“We were pressed out of measure, above strength, insomuch that we despaired even of life.”
2 Corinthians 1:8

“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.”
1 Peter 4:12

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9

“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”
1 Peter 1:6,7

“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” Revelation 21:4

“But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”
2 Corinthians 3:16-18

Category: Baby #6, Christianity, Depression, Facebook, Freedom, Health, Journal 2010, Parenting Pregnancy, Quotes | 7 Comments »
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Carol | March 13, 2010

With my hands cupping my womb, I could feel the baby moving around last night! The date would be just past 16 weeks pregnancy/14 weeks after conception. So far, I can only feel movement with my hands. I can’t feel it in my body yet. When I wake up each morning, a big bump sticks up when I lie on my back, but during the rest of the day, it sort of hides. (To clarify, my stomach doesn’t hide - just the womb. LOL)

I have my maternity clothes ready to go. I ordered some new things online. I hope they won’t make me look too hideous this time around. Fortunately, this was the first time I could buy tall maternity pants. What a relief!  I still wear my regular shirts, and I can comfortably button at least three pairs of my non-maternity pants, but that won’t last much longer. I recently got out my box of stored maternity clothes and made a ‘keep’ pile and a ‘give-away’ pile. It is funny how the pants style has changed so much in just six years – not only the legs, but the back pockets of jeans. I had a great laugh at myself when I tried on some of my old maternity mom-jeans. If you think regular mom-jeans are bad, you should have seen these! The scariest thing is that they are in the ‘keep’ pile until I have the energy to go shopping for a  couple more pairs in a nearby city. To my knowledge, there are ZERO places to buy maternity clothes locally. Sad, really. What do pregnant women do?

We stopped at a furniture store last night to look at their rocker/recliners. The one I used for my last baby was a very old chair that came from my grandparents. Years ago, we dragged the matching one to the end of the road on Big Garbage Day after one of the kids threw up on it. Both chairs were worn out anyway. I didn’t find a new one that I liked, but we only went to one place. There is lots of time. Then again, it’s hard to believe that in only a few short weeks, I will be half-way through this pregnancy. Yikes!

I have a new extra-tall bed rail ready for our king-size bed, and I bought new foam wedges for nursing in bed. These are two of my most needed baby items. My wish list also includes new slings, a wrap-around nursing pillow, a dresser for baby clothes, etc.

My eight-year-old daughter is knitting a blanket for the new baby. At first, she chose pink yarn, but she was encouraged to get white in case it’s not a girl! I’ll take a boy and/or a girl, but she would LOVE to have a sister. After all, when we thought she was getting a girl kitten, it turned out to be a boy when we took her to get spayed. LOL

This has been by far my most difficult pregnancy – both physically and emotionally.

Emotionally: Pregnancy following miscarriage is extremely stressful. I never expected it to be so hard. I also have worries of my husband’s job insecurity and the threat of moving hanging over my head.

Physically: I  am thankful that the 24-hour morning sickness began to slowly ease at 11 weeks, and the last couple weeks have been much better. It was a rough first trimester. In the fall, I was feeling quite well most of the time, but within just a couple weeks of the pregnancy, the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome that I have battled since I was sixteen years old kicked in big time. I didn’t expect to have such debilitating fatigue with this pregnancy. I am particularly grateful for two things in this regard:

#1 I had the house renovations and house cleaning completely ready just days before I became pregnant. That makes me feel sooooooo much better, because even though I can’t keep up, and I am getting behind with the housekeeping, it is not as overwhelming as it would have been. I pray for strength to be able to cope if we have to move, and also for the basic nesting that I need to do.

#2 As always, I am very thankful for our homeschooling method. It has been so flexible over the many years of ups and downs with my health. The three oldest children are capable of doing their schoolwork with minimum or even no help from me if necessary. I do not fret over my five-year-old because I know there is lots of time, and as long as he continues to learn a little phonics and math facts here and there, he will do just as well as his brothers and sister. There were many times I was physically unable to put much into homeschooling over the years, yet the children are doing great.

I haven’t been very chatty on my blog lately because I am just too tired. I have mostly been posting links and quotes with the occasional commentary.

One interesting change in my lifestyle has occurred after an appointment with another naturopath. I have searched for health answers since I was a teenager. I have tried many, many things – sometimes with good results, but most of the time, nothing helped. During the past few months, I have been desperate to find answers. I don’t know if this time will make the difference, but I am giving it my full effort, even if it kills me. So, with the goal of achieving better health, I have gone vegan! In the past, I was familiar with the vegetable juicing and vegetable smoothies and nut milk and all, but I have never completely eliminated meat/fish/eggs/dairy at the same time before (still using butter). I am also doing no-sugar again. It has been eighteen days, and I have seen no improvement, and unfortunately some negative effects. I will stick with it religiously for a while yet, and I hope to keep at least some of the new habits for the rest of my life. The children have been doing great as well. They are not eating vegan or even vegetarian, but their diets have improved greatly with a salad almost every day and no junk – yet. Over the years, we have gone through many times of eating healthy and eating poorly. I have always found it very discouraging when a strict healthy diet did nothing for my health. Hopefully, this time will be different.

I haven’t been doing too much during the past few months except trying to cope. One helpful thing has been our amazing winter! I have never seen a winter with such little snow and such great weather. We are having another sunny day, and the forecast is amazing! I haven’t had the strength to enjoy being outside, but in many ways, the weather has been very encouraging.

Hmmm… what else would you like to know?

Category: Baby #6, Facebook, Food, Homeschooling Academics, Journal 2010, Miscarriage, Parenting Attachment, Parenting Breastfeeding, Parenting Pregnancy, Parenting Sleep Sharing | 6 Comments »
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Carol | February 14, 2010

A Different Child ~ Pandora Diane Waldron

A different child,
People notice
There’s a special glow around you.

You grow
Surrounded by love,
Never doubting you are wanted;
Only look at the pride and joy
In your mother and father’s eyes.

And if sometimes
Between the smiles
There’s a trace of tears,
One day
You’ll understand.

You’ll understand
There was once another child
A different child
Who was in their hopes and dreams.

That child will never outgrow the baby clothes
That child will never keep them up at night
In fact, that child will never be any trouble at all.

Except sometimes, in a silent moment,
When mother and father miss so much
That different child.

May hope and love wrap you warmly
And may you learn the lesson forever
How infinitely precious
How infinitely fragile
Is this life on earth.

One day, as a young man or woman
You may see another mother’s tears
Another father’s silent grief
Then you, and you alone
Will understand
And offer the greatest comfort.

When all hope seems lost,
You will tell them
With great compassion,
“I know how you feel.
I’m only here
Because my mother tried again.”

for Madoka Marietta Rosalie, from your mother,
Pandora Diane Waldron
March 4, 1999.

Remembering, with love, and not with sadness,
our Special Angel, Rhiannon Roxane,
who left this world 2 years ago today.

(I’d probably change the last time to:
Because the Lord blessed again.)

In case you’re curious, I have had 24-hour nausea, debilitating fatigue, and extreme fear that this baby will die, too. Pregnancy following miscarriage is very difficult. I told my husband a week before Christmas and the children and family yesterday. I am three months along, so hopefully the risks of the first trimester have passed. Baby’s due date is August 25th.

My baby’s feet look about like this right now:

Pregnancy #4  http://unbornbabyjournal.com/
Pregnancy #5  http://unbornbabyjournal.com/river.html
I had a website all ready to record Pregnancy #6, but it’s been too difficult to write.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Category: Baby #6, Journal 2010, Miscarriage, Parenting Pregnancy | 13 Comments »
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