PARENTING FREEDOM

Carol | January 30, 2012

I spend a lot of time replying to email questions. I wish I could quickly come up with profound answers, but as an inspiration writer (meaning that I write as a result of being inspired – not that I inspire others), I don’t do well when asked impromptu questions. (Just ask my Grade 12 English teacher.) Regardless, I thought others might be helped if I posted some of my replies to emails. Don’t worry, I would NEVER do this with personal questions. I am thinking of sharing my quick answers to some of the most general and common questions. I reserve the right to change and edit and eventually make a new article, so this is a work in progress.

Q. How do I deal with people who think it is biblical to spank?

A. Online? If you’ve already done your research, just ignore pro-spanking hang-outs online, and don’t visit websites that make you doubt your stand. Visit websites and forums that will encourage you and provide you much-needed support. It takes time to be confident enough to keep from second guessing yourself. You don’t need to constantly question your position until you have the experience to let it roll off your back. You can go back and help the pro-spanking crowd in time. Even if you have the right theological answers, keep in mind, it is the Holy Spirit that changes hearts and minds. Just stand strong.

Real life? Use Joanne’s bean dip reply. http://goybparenting.com/?p=57 UNTIL you can confidently make your case. Look for opportunities to build, not undermine, your confidence. You will get good at it in time, especially when others see how kindly you treat your children. (But it is better to get to a point where you don’t care what others think).

Q. Can you direct me to some books that teach alternatives to spanking?

A. Although the ages of the children make a big difference, here are a couple of my favorite practical books:

Parent in Control by Gregory Bodenhamer (older children)
Discipline Without Distress by Judy Arnall (all ages)

I have listed more books, as well as websites, on my “Is Spanking Biblical?” page.

With little kids, the main thing is to get off your butt and act after speaking once, and recognize age appropriate behavior. Mirroring children’s feelings works very well (say what they feel in words). Use common sense.

With big kids, use “regardless…” and call family meetings when there is (not easily resolvable) conflict (like fighting, chores, inappropriate behavior, etc.) If the issue only concerns one child, then sit down and discuss the problem with the child personally. I like the “red light” problem solving technique for older kids. If I am not too lazy, I call “red light” when I see or hear conflict, and we go through these steps (from Emotional Intelligence):

STOP
Calm down.
Think before you act.

Say the problem.
Say how you feel.
Set a positive goal.
Think of lots of solutions.
Think ahead to the consequences.

GO ahead.
Try the best plan.

Category: Mommy Tips, Parenting Discipline | No Comments »
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Carol | December 22, 2011

“The best part of waking up is Baby at your side!” We’ve practiced sleep sharing with all five babies, and I can most certainly say there are no regrets. NO CRIB CAGES at our house! No babies in their own rooms! The benefits and rewards of co-sleeping are amazing. Oh, my, what other people miss.

Category: Baby #6, Mommy Tips, Parenting Pregnancy, Status Updates | No Comments »
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Carol | December 5, 2011

At the grocery store, I wear C1 in a ring sling in a sitting/standing forward position so her hands can grasp the shopping cart handle. I don’t have to worry about her falling out of the shopping cart, and I have room for all the groceries needed for a “big” family. She loves to push the cart. I often pass her items or let her get things off the shelves, and she puts them in the cart. We meet a lot of people who want to talk to her and hold her hand. When we get to the check-out counter, she helps get things out of the cart and put them on the counter. Her favorite part is after waiting… and waiting… and waiting… for it to change from “Do Not Remove This Card”, she gets to haul the credit card out of the little machine. Then the check-out lady gives her the receipt.

C1 is an excellent shopper (as were all my babies/toddlers). I believe that is because she has always been carried, always been included, always been treated as a person. She is not stuck in a car seat. She is not stuck in a cart. She is not stuck at home with a babysitter. She is learning about real life.

The most common question I get when people see me wearing C1 in a sling is, “Isn’t she heavy?” Uh, yeah. But you sort of have to carry your 15-month-old child. I mean, seriously, if I have to make a bunch of stops – to the bank, to the post office, etc. I can’t leave her in the vehicle. It would be crazy to drag a stroller. Why wouldn’t I choose a way to carry her that leaves my hands free? (What on earth do other mothers do?!) Very importantly, babywearing also keeps C1 content in “her spot”. She knows her place and does not struggle to get down which she would do if she was simply in my arms. Today, I had to take the van to get it inspected. C1 had just fallen asleep in her carseat. I put her in the sling and she slept the whole time in the waiting room.

Babywearing makes mothering so much easier, assuming you don’t prefer to get a mother substitute.

Category: Baby #6, Mommy Tips, Parenting Babywearing, Parenting Stay-at-Home | 1 Comment »
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Carol | October 26, 2011

If a baby is generally conflict free and happy most of the time, then it is much easier to deal with those rare days of teething or crankiness… Those are the times when babywearing pays off big time. Getting ahead of the game, by popping Baby in the sling or backpack keeps her distracted and comforted, especially when Mommy needs to keep up with the program. C1 even cheers when I get out the sling at home. This was yesterday when I had to get ready to go somewhere and nobody else could keep Baby content. The sling did the trick while I was putting on my make-up.

Category: Mommy Tips, Parenting Babywearing, Parenting Fussy Baby | No Comments »
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Carol | September 27, 2011

I don’t know about you, but every single time I have witnessed people talking about babies and night sleeping, there are always only two scenarios: Either the baby sleeps through the night (or almost), and everyone gathers around in admiration saying, “Wow, you’re lucky, he must be such a good baby!” OR, the baby does not sleep through the night, and the mother shifts embarrassingly, not knowing how to explain the shameful situation.

When I hear the sleeping-through-the-night situation worshipped, I wonder the following:

• Likely the baby is being fed substandard fake not-milk.  … Breastmilk is digested and absorbed so much more naturally that baby needs more frequent feedings. And the benefits of breastfeeding to both mother and child are beyond measure.

• The mother must not mind the early return of her fertility and menstrual cycles. … Night feedings are key in breastfeeding and natural child spacing. In my experience, it can help delay cycles for 24 or 25 months.

• If baby does search for his mother in the night, is he alone in his own room where his mother doesn’t even notice? Or does she just ignore him? … Responding to baby is much healthier.

• I believe it makes sense biologically for baby to wake in the night so the mother will continue to supervise the safety of her child around the clock. This also keeps the connection.

• Night feedings are among the most quiet, precious, mother-child bonding experiences that exist.

• Is baby being fed frequently enough to make him grow strong and healthy?

Related posts:
http://parentingfreedom.com/2010/12/05/does-she-sleep-through-the-night/
http://parentingfreedom.com/breastfeeding/

Category: Mommy Tips, Parenting Attachment, Parenting Breastfeeding, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Sleep Sharing | 2 Comments »
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Carol | September 25, 2011

I change diapers on the floor for safety and convenience. No change tables for me. No babies falling off tables. No having to stand up to change diapers. No worries if I have to step away for a second.

I use disposable diapers and would never consider anything else unless they were banned. A colicky baby, an unhealthy mother, and having better things to do than wash cloth diapers brought me to that decision years ago. No regrets.

I just go with the flow when Baby is twisty and turny and doesn’t want a diaper change. Years ago, I used to get annoyed, but now I know it makes sense for babies to be impatient. Baby is smart enough to think of better things to do. And I am smart enough to change the diaper regardless without resorting to anger and/or violence.

Here is an example of a diaper change basket:

Here is a list of what I prefer for changing diapers:

~ a pretty basket
~ a waterproof diaper change pad
~ a stack of diapers
~ a box of tissues
~ a plastic container that my hand will fit into and is big enough to hold enough water for the worst of diaper changes
~ a small plastic container to hold a bar of soap
~ a bar of unscented Dove soap
~ a pack of white kitchen garbage bags (keep away from children) for diaper disposal
~ a baby toy

The basket can used in any room, although near a sink would be the most convenient.

I keep some of the same supplies next to my bed for convenience as well. Why get up when you don’t have to?

I only use diaper wipes when we are away from home.

I recall having no problem with generic diaper brands in the past, but for my latest baby, everything besides the name brands seemed to leak! I do notice that leaking is a sign to go up a size of diaper. In the past, I had my infants sleep on soft diaper change pads next to me to save changing big bed sheets, but I don’t find leaking to be a problem with a large enough brand name diaper. Now, I don’t have a good excuse to bother changing bedsheets very often. LOL

One trick I thought of for this baby was if the diaper gets a little full in the night, but I don’t dare want to wake a sleeping baby, I just grab another diaper and put it RIGHT OVER the other one – over the undershirt and all! That is part of the sleeping baby, rested mother game. It doesn’t hurt MY baby a bit, but if your baby has sensitivities, then change diapers more often.

My babies almost never got diaper rash, but when the occassional redness occurs, I use a natural health cream which works like a charm.

Whatever is in the environment when a baby experiences a serious conflict can become an allergy trigger. At birth, the nurse put Pampers on my baby, and it turned out that Pampers (not Huggies) became an allergy trigger, along with things like the silicone oxygen mask, cotton clothes, snaps from the undershirt, etc. Thankfully, we got her sensitivities cleared through German New Medicine and NAET treatments (energy medicine) at a Forever Healthy allergy clinic.

Category: German New Medicine, Mommy Tips, Parenting General | No Comments »
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Carol | September 25, 2011

This is not much of a tip, but it IS different as I found out again today in a social situation. I don’t spoonfeed. My babies start solids rather late (at least 8 months), and they begin to feed themselves right away with their own little fingers. I can’t bring myself to shovel food in a baby’s face, even if it might mean less night wakening. An exception is bananas (which stain clothes so much that spoon feeding is a must at this age), and I feed chilly ice cream with a spoon (ice cream is part of my new food freedom. I didn’t give my other children so-called junk food).  :-)  The bananas remind me, I don’t do bibs much either. Up until recently, C1 only had one bib. Oh, yeah, I do spoon feed at OTHER people’s houses and at restaurants because I don’t want the increased risk of a mess, although that can be controlled if you only put small portions in front of Baby.

Keep in mind, my babies always continue to nurse well past two years and breastmilk gives them lots of extra nutrition. I know MY babies get enough to eat, but I am certainly not suggesting that other parents stop spoonfeeding because it might be necessary in order for their babies to get enough food.

Category: Mommy Tips | No Comments »
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Carol | September 23, 2011

Yes I do peel grapes and cut them in pieces for my one-year-old, (as I did with previous babies.)

Category: Baby #6, Food, Mommy Tips, Parenting General, Status Updates | 2 Comments »
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Carol | September 17, 2011

[After having five children, I have some parenting habits that are likely unusual, but work well for me. I thought I would start sharing them as I think of them... In no particular order...]

I just bath small babies in the bottom of a regular bathtub. Much faster and less bother than a baby bathtub. I used to use a little $4 bathrack for the head, but last time around I realized it was unneccessary and more bother than it was worth. My hand under the head and the slope of the tub was all that was needed. (Testing the water temperature beforehand with your elbow is a more accurate guage than using your hand.)

When Baby can sit up easily without slipping or falling over, I start using a small bathtub that fits at the end of our regular bathtub. Baby is thrilled to splash and play with a handful of plastic fishies, bucket, and strainer in her little tub inside the big tub while I shower at the other end. I had to hunt for a baby bathtub small enough to fit our semi-narrow molded bathtub, but it’s on its fourth kid now.

I think a hand-held shower head that comes down with a hose is an essential part of washing children’s hair. Put a facecloth over their eyes and tip the head back. Easy peasy.

Baby LOVES bathtime. When I mention “bath”, my 12-month-old heads to the bathroom making her “bath” sign by rubbing both hands at the top of her chest. As a busy mother of five, I like the fact that Baby can really enjoy lots of time in the tub, but I can continue working by getting myself showered at the same time. Baby is safe and happy. Then it is her turn with some fast soaping and a quick shampoo. I get dried off and dressed right next to the tub while she keeps playing, and then it is her turn to get out.

[Always be responsible when Baby is in or around water. You can never be too careful.]

I find that children don’t need frequent baths. Rarely do the little ones get a bath two days in a row. When my husband and I were little, the norm was a Saturday night bath only. Unless the little kids WANT a bath or NEED a bath, then weekly is fine with me.

Category: Mommy Tips, Parenting General | No Comments »
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