carol | July 2, 2009
The best way to teach anything is by example. Showing empathy and compassion to your child is significant in raising a healthy child.
Responding to and comforting a crying baby is a perfect example of empathy in action. Another example is when a child gets hurt, physically or emotionally. Acknowledge what happened to the child by describing what happened and mirroring the child’s feelings. Then it is important to validate his experience. For example, “Ohh.. You fell down and bumped your head on the corner of the table. Ouch, ouch, icky, icky, that must hurt. Bumping your head hurts. Can you cope with this pain? It will go away soon [say only if true]. Can you handle it yet? Do you want to keep playing or do something else?” It is important to reflect feelings like pain, anger, sadness, embarrassment, etc. This is in contrast to telling the child, “You’re okay. There’s nothing wrong.” In reality, that is not even true. The child knows there is something wrong, and he is not okay in that moment. He may become okay in seconds or minutes, but in that moment, the truth is that he is not okay. If parents ignore him or pretend nothing is wrong, or actually tell him nothing is wrong, then the child will begin to question his own reality. He will feel like he can’t even trust what his own body/heart is telling him. Mirroring and validating are much more healthy and will teach compassion and empathy that will be helpful in a child’s relationships.
When a child gets hurt, whether physically or emotionally, it is the parents’ responsibility to be his safe place to fall. A child needs to know that his parents will be there to pick him up and comfort and nurture him through a painful experience. It is normal and healthy for a child to come to his parents when he gets hurt. If they can trust that you will be their rock, then they will come to you instead of hiding and being ashamed of their pain.
In my experience, empathy in action is the fastest and healthiest way to get a child back on track. It also gives a child a healthy outlet for releasing negative emotions instead of having them bottled up for later release. I personally believe that carrying such burdens will have negative health effects on a child.
I found this book helpful on this topic:
I think one of the most important skills you can teach your child is problem solving. My favorite problem solving technique is an idea we got from the book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
.
STOP
Calm down.
Think before you act.
Say the problem.
Say how you feel.
Set a positive goal.
Think of lots of solutions.
Think ahead to the consequences.
GO ahead.
Try the best plan.
I have many other books that address the importance of empathy and compassion in attachment parenting. I recently bought one that looks very interesting, but I haven’t read it yet (so this is not a recommendation.)
“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.” Isaiah 66:13
“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!” Isaiah 49:15
“In my distress I called to the LORD, and he answered me…I called for help, and you listened to my cry.” Jonah 2:2
“The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all.” Psalm 34:17-19
“As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him.” Psalm 103:13
“Weep with them who weep.” Romans 12:15
“I cried unto the Lord with my voice, and he heard me.” Psalm 3:4a
“In the day when I cried thou answeredst me.” Psalm 138:3a
“A child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.” Proverbs 29:15
“The LORD is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made. The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.” Psalm 145:17-19
“The child’s sob in the silence curses deeper than the strong man in his wrath.” Elizabeth B. Browning
Category: Books, Movies, Television, Christianity, Parenting Attachment, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Discipline, Quotes |
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