PARENTING FREEDOM

Carol | April 17, 2012

Is Your Baby a Good Baby?
http://lewrockwell.com/orig3/h-carson7.1.1.html

Children Need Touching and Attention, Harvard Researchers Say
http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html

Category: Parenting Attachment, Parenting Breastfeeding, Parenting Cry it Out | No Comments »
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Carol | February 14, 2012

One of my most treasured parts of mothering is something I have experienced well over 14,000 times. And that is, having my baby fall asleep nursing in my arms. I can’t emphasize this rewarding and satisfying feeling enough. I encourage you to embrace your child and ignore those who tell you to let your baby cry-it-out or self-soothe.

Category: Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Sleep Sharing, Status Updates | No Comments »
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Carol | February 11, 2012

The links are starting to pile up, so I will just put all the parenting related ones here with little or no commentary.

Study: Breastfeeding Strengthens Children’s Lungs
http://old.news.yahoo.com/s/ac/20120205/hl_ac/10928478_study_breastfeeding_strengthens_childrens_lungs

“…Breastfeeding strengthens children’s lungs, even if the mother has asthma.”

That’s because the breastfeeding child will be more attached, more with the mother, and as a result will likely have fewer scare conflicts. GNM says scare conflicts/frights affect the lungs.

Skip the Strained Peas. Let Babies Feed Themselves
http://healthland.time.com/2012/02/10/skip-the-strained-peas-let-babies-feed-themselves/#ixzz1m5f5qXWZ

“Babies who learn to feed themselves early on may develop healthier eating habits and be less likely to become overweight.”

YEP! Did this with all five babies.

Suffer little children: US evangelicals are twisting the Bible to say that beating the young is a Christian doctrine
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2006/jun/08/comment.usa1

“The Pearls believe that salvation only comes through punishment and pain. God punishes his Son with crucifixion so that humanity might not have to face the Father’s anger. This image of God the father, for whom violence is an expression of tough love, is lodged deep in the evangelical imagination. And it twists a religion of forgiveness and compassion into something dark and cruel… What Jesus said about those who would harm children comes inevitably to mind: ‘It would be better for them if a millstone was hanged about their neck, and that they were drowned in the depth of the sea.’”

Mom’s Love Good for Child’s Brain
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/01/120130170147.htm

“School-age children whose mothers nurtured them early in life have brains with a larger hippocampus, a key structure important to learning, memory and response to stress…”

How Pregnancy Changes a Woman’s Brain
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/12/111221140633.htm

“Research suggests that the reproductive hormones may ready a woman’s brain for the demands of motherhood — helping her becomes less rattled by stress and more attuned to her baby’s needs. Although the hypothesis remains untested, Glynn surmises this might be why moms wake up when the baby stirs while dads snore on…”

“Fetal movement, even when the mother is unaware of it, raises her heart rate and her skin conductivity, signals of emotion — and perhaps of pre-natal preparation for mother-child bonding.”

Few Allergies in Unstressed Babies, Swedish Researchers Find
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/12/111212092747.htm

ABSOLUTELY! That’s what allergies are about! They are caused by conflicts. Anything in your environment when you experience a conflict can go on to be an allergy trigger.

Maternal Separation Stresses the Baby, Research Finds
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/11/111102124955.htm

“Humans are the only mammals who practice such maternal-neonate separation, but its physiological impact on the baby has been unknown until now. Researchers measured heart rate variability in 2-day-old sleeping babies for one hour each during skin-to-skin contact with mother and alone in a cot next to mother’s bed. Neonatal autonomic activity was 176% higher and quiet sleep 86% lower during maternal separation compared to skin-to-skin contact.”

Be a mother and comfort your child. PLEASE!

Category: German New Medicine, Parenting Attachment, Parenting Breastfeeding, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Discipline, Parenting Pregnancy, Parenting Stay-at-Home | No Comments »
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Carol | December 31, 2011

Mothers, Protect Your Babies From Crying-it-out

Dangers of “Crying It Out”
http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/81755

“Letting babies get distressed is a practice that can damage children and their relational capacities in many ways for the long term. We know now that leaving babies to cry is a good way to make a less intelligent, less healthy but more anxious, uncooperative and alienated person who can pass the same or worse traits on to the next generation.”

“Forcing ‘independence’ on a baby leads to greater dependence…”

“Ignorant behaviorists then and now encourage parents to condition the baby to expect needs NOT to be met on demand, whether feeding or comforting…”

“Crying it out “is more likely to foster a whiney, unhappy, aggressive and/or demanding child, one who has learned that one must scream to get needs met. A deep sense of insecurity is likely to stay with them the rest of life…”

“The fact is that caregivers who habitually respond to the needs of the baby before the baby gets distressed, preventing crying, are more likely to have children who are independent than the opposite…”

“One strangely popular notion still around today is to let babies ‘cry it out’ when they are left alone, isolated in cribs or other devices. This comes from a misunderstanding of child and brain development.”

• “Babies grow from being held. Their bodies get dysregulated when they are physically separated from caregivers…”
• “Babies indicate a need through gesture and eventually, if necessary, through crying. Just as adults reach for liquid when thirsty, children search for what they need in the moment. Just as adults become calm once the need is met, so do babies.”
• “There are many longterm effects of undercare or need-neglect in babies (e.g., Bremmer et al, 1998; Blunt Bugental et al., 2003; Dawson et al., 2000; Heim et al 2003).”
• “Secure attachment is related to responsive parenting, such as when babies wake up and cry at night.”

The article has much more information and some great references and links. Please click through.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/81755

Category: Parenting Attachment, Parenting Cry it Out | No Comments »
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Carol | December 28, 2011

My sister’s baby is due in six weeks, and we have enjoyed feeling kicks and watching bumps. Last night, C1 hurt herself a bit and cried. Instantly, Ruth’s unborn baby started thrashing about in empathy… Every time one of the older kids gets hurt, C1 does a fake low whimpering squeal in empathy. She definitely feels their pain!… C1 has a dolly that starts with a cry, makes more different sounds, and finally laughs. C1 knows exactly how to treat the dolly during each sound. She hugs, pats and comforts at the first cry, and mimics the other ones, and laughs when her baby laughs.

Category: Baby #6, Journal 2011, Parenting Attachment, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Pregnancy, Status Updates | No Comments »
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Carol | December 6, 2011

Did You Ever Learn To Self Soothe?
http://realchilddevelopment.com/inspiration/did-you-ever-learn-to-self-soothe

“…There are many myths and misunderstandings surrounding the idea of self-soothing. Some claim that it is learned in infancy through the process of “crying it out,” when in infant is left alone to cry himself to sleep. Brain research is showing the opposite is true…”

“…I never learned to self soothe. Whenever I was faced with distressing emotions as a child ~ anger or frustration ~ and acted out of that, I was promptly spanked so as to end the undesirable “behavior.” And so my brain did not develop the wiring that takes place as children are repeatedly soothed, comforted, listened to and walked through those uncomfortable feelings.”

Dr. Laura Markham explains the process:

“When we get upset and are soothed as little ones, our neural wiring is built and repeatedly reinforced so that we become able to soothe ourselves. This is not just a psychological learning, but a physical one. The brain and nervous system take shape depending on our interaction with the environment. We learn to regulate ourselves emotionally in the context of our intimate relationships. So after our child cries in our arms and “shows us” her upset, we soothe her. That builds the neural wiring for her to soothe herself and restore herself to regulation.”

Category: Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Discipline | No Comments »
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Carol | September 27, 2011

I don’t know about you, but every single time I have witnessed people talking about babies and night sleeping, there are always only two scenarios: Either the baby sleeps through the night (or almost), and everyone gathers around in admiration saying, “Wow, you’re lucky, he must be such a good baby!” OR, the baby does not sleep through the night, and the mother shifts embarrassingly, not knowing how to explain the shameful situation.

When I hear the sleeping-through-the-night situation worshipped, I wonder the following:

• Likely the baby is being fed substandard fake not-milk.  … Breastmilk is digested and absorbed so much more naturally that baby needs more frequent feedings. And the benefits of breastfeeding to both mother and child are beyond measure.

• The mother must not mind the early return of her fertility and menstrual cycles. … Night feedings are key in breastfeeding and natural child spacing. In my experience, it can help delay cycles for 24 or 25 months.

• If baby does search for his mother in the night, is he alone in his own room where his mother doesn’t even notice? Or does she just ignore him? … Responding to baby is much healthier.

• I believe it makes sense biologically for baby to wake in the night so the mother will continue to supervise the safety of her child around the clock. This also keeps the connection.

• Night feedings are among the most quiet, precious, mother-child bonding experiences that exist.

• Is baby being fed frequently enough to make him grow strong and healthy?

Related posts:
http://parentingfreedom.com/2010/12/05/does-she-sleep-through-the-night/
http://parentingfreedom.com/breastfeeding/

Category: Mommy Tips, Parenting Attachment, Parenting Breastfeeding, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Sleep Sharing | 2 Comments »
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Carol | July 10, 2011

Morning comes with bright light peeking around the edges of the window blinds. I am being summoned out of a deep sleep with the gentle stirrings of my sleeping baby curled up next to me. I draw her close with kisses and soft murmurings. With eyes still closed, she reaches her little fist out to grasp strands of my long hair, and she pops her trusty thumb in her mouth. This usually gives us some extra sleep before we start the day.

9 1/2 months old

When she stirs again, I remind her I’m here, reach for my firm foam wedges (2-12″ for comfortably sitting up in bed), clip my Brest Friend around my waist, and scoop my baby in my arms. She doesn’t have to cry. Many months ago, she mostly replaced her cry with a “cough” that means, “Hurry up, Mommy!”

Nursing in sleep in bed ~ 2 1/2 months old

She latches on, and her tummy begins to fill with her warm, nutritious breakfast. Another “cough” tells me to switch sides. Before she latches again, she does her morning stretch with arms quivering above her little head that she has arched back. Her legs are stretched right out, down to her bare toes, eyes still closed. Then she nurses more, and by this time, I am starting to fully awaken, and her eyes have begun to squint open, saying, “Of course it’s you, Mommy.” Then she concentrates on looking at me, and in spite of a few milky grins, and attempts at starting a conversation, she finishes her milk. I shove the wedges to the side, and we lay down and cuddle some more, and she begins to chatter and sit or stand on me. “Time to get up, Mommy!”

Up for the day!! ~ 6 1/2 months old

The rest of the day always includes several more nursing sessions, and a baby nursing nap here or there. Maybe even a sleep for Mommy and Baby in the La-Z-Boy chair. At least once a day, I help my six-year-old with his schoolwork with a nursing or sleeping baby in my arms.

Homeschooling a six-year-old
while nurturing a new baby ~ 20 days old
Baby’s bed is the Brest Friend on Mommy’s lap.

The view from my rocking chair ~ almost 5 months old

Occasionally, if Baby is extra tired and Mommy is not, I lay her on a little floor mattress that I slide out from under the bed. That way, I can step away from the area for short times while she sleeps safely. I have an audio/video monitor that I might use on those occasions.

Sleeping on the thin floor mattress next to the bed
during a daytime nap ~ 9 1/2 months old

I have never been a stickler for naps. Although Baby’s need for sleep is respected, I don’t find that naps require a certain place, time, or amount of time. Baby also does not determine our family’s daily activities. Baby may nap in my arms, in the carseat on the way to town, in the sling in a store, at the movies, during a walk, or in the backpack at the grocery store, etc.

Our lifestyle is very welcoming to a baby. She is part of the family, and with the exception of everyone having to wait while we pull off the highway for Baby to have a nursing break or diaper change now and again, there is really no time when Baby causes the family to miss anything. For example, this spring, we did eight Disney/Universal amusement parks in eight days, and we spent another day at the beach! Baby was on board and partying as hard as the rest! (I highly recommend bringing a baby with you to Disney/Universal. Child swap is awesome! The whole family stands in line, and then the parents take turns going on the rides with all the kids. Double the fun for the children in much less time!)

Napping in sling at a Hollywood Studios attraction ~ 8 months old

Nursing nap while visiting relatives ~ 4 months old

Typing the text for this article into the computer ~ 9 1/2 months old

At bedtime, usually around 10 PM, I pour a glass of water, locate the TV remote control, and carry my onesie-clad baby into the bedroom. I arrange my foam wedges, fasten my Brest Friend into place, and my baby begins her bedtime nursing. We both are relaxed, and she usually falls asleep quickly and peacefully. Sometimes, she is not quite worn out, but it doesn’t take much activity before she settles down for more breastmilk. I watch TV or read or write or talk while she nurse-sleeps. Even after she finishes nursing, I may keep holding her until my arm gets all sweaty, and her little body gets too warm. That is exactly where she is as I write these very words. I often don’t want to put her down.

Writing this article in bed with a pencil and paper
I didn’t want to put down my sleeping baby.
9 1/2 months old

I eventually gently position her beside me on her side facing me, with her back to the high, sturdy bed rail. If she isn’t in a deep sleep, she will grab my hair on the way down and suck her thumb while I cuddle and pat her back to sleep. I usually continue watching TV or read as late as I like, right next to my sleeping baby. (I have researched and practice SAFE sleep sharing, but get your own medical advice.) She will stir at least a couple times (more often in the early months) during the night, rarely with a cry, and I readily provide her nighttime comfort and nutrition. All is good.

As an older mother of five and after having experienced a devastating miscarriage, I know that this is a precious time, much to be appreciated, and will be gone all too soon.  “Babies don’t keep.”

Nurturing my baby is truly my highest priority. The mutually satisfying mothering-to-sleep style I have chosen for each of my five babies is an alternative to the Ezzo, cry-it-out, sleep scheduling, Ferberizing methods.

I can’t think of anything more rewarding as a mother than the pleasant experience of nursing my baby to sleep and having my baby sleep next to me. I encourage you to consider being willing to experience and embrace this glimpse of unconditional love.

Trying to stick to strict schedules or having the attitude that if you “let baby get away with this, she will always want to do this” can take all the fun out of sleep-related mothering. Enjoy this peaceful mothering experience. Give your child the gift of your motherly comfort, and make your heart rejoice. 

Live without regrets.

Asleep on Mommy ~ almost 5 months old

“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.” Isaiah 40:11

“‘Rejoice with Jerusalem and be glad for her, all you who love her; rejoice greatly with her, all you who mourn over her. For you will nurse and be satisfied at her comforting breasts; you will drink deeply and delight in her overflowing abundance.’ For this is what the LORD says: ‘I will extend peace to her like a river, and the wealth of nations like a flooding stream; you will nurse and be carried on her arm and dandled on her knees. As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem.’ When you see this, your heart will rejoice and you will flourish like grass.” Isaiah 66:10-14

DISCLAIMER: I want to make clear that sleep-related mothering does not always go so smoothly, but I will attest to the fact that the vast majority of the past ten months of my baby’s sleep-related life has been exactly as described as above. Also, I am not an expert, and I am not giving advice, so please refer to your doctor regarding all issues mentioned here and on this website.

For more on this topic, choose from the following:

Article: Does she sleep through the night?

Crying it Out: Essay ~ Bible Verses ~ Quotes ~ Blog Posts ~ Books

Sleep Sharing: Essay ~ Bible Verses ~ Quotes ~ Blog Posts ~ Books 

NOTE: This is my contribution to the 8th annual Ezzo Week hosted at Tulipgirl.com from July 11 -17, 2011. “This week is devoted to both encouraging parents, as well as educating them on the destructive philosophies and practices associated with the parenting teachings of Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo.”

Category: Baby #6, Miscarriage, Parenting Attachment, Parenting Babywearing, Parenting Breastfeeding, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Sleep Sharing | 7 Comments »
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Carol | May 29, 2011

My children have had very few experiences with earaches or ear infections in their lifetimes. My 17-year-old has only had an earache 2-3 times ever. My 12-year-old had an earache once as a baby and once as an older child. My 9-year-old had 2-3 mild earaches two summers ago. My 6-year-old boy had one ear hurt for approximately two hours last year, and my 8 1/2-month-old girl has never had an ear infection. The grand total of earaches among my five children throughout their lives is 7-9.

Earaches or ear infections occur when a person experiences a conflict about wanting to hear something, but can’t, OR when the person does not want to hear something. For example, two summers ago, the weather was rather unpredictable, so we spent much time one morning debating over whether or not we would be able to go on a river float. My 9-year-old daughter loves such activities and wanted to go badly. We kept changing our minds. When we finally announced that we definitely were going to go, my 12-year-old son, familiar with German New Medicine, predicted that his sister would get an ear ache. Sure enough, as we were floating down the beautiful river, my daughter’s ear began to hurt and throb. That was the healing phase of her hearing (sound-morsel) conflict. She wanted to hear something, and when it finally came true, she began to heal. That’s when the pain begins. We knew it wouldn’t last because her conflict active time was short, but it still hurts in the mean time! The same thing happened the next time we hummed and hawed over going on another river float the following week! (We treat earaches with garlic, but get your own medical consultation.)

I often hear parents talk about their babies having ear infections. Oftentimes during infancy, it is because the parents let their baby cry-it-out. When baby wants to hear his mother come to rescue him, but she doesn’t, and then when she finally does come, he may develop an ear infection or ear ache. That is a predictable and preventable health problem. If you want to help prevent ear infections, respond to your baby’s cries. Read more about crying-it-out here.

“The middle ear relates to hearing conflicts (the “sound-morsel”). The conflict of “not being able to catch a sound morsel”, for example not hearing Mommy’s voice, affects the right ear, whereas the conflict of “not being able to get rid of a sound morsel”, for instant loud annoying noise, affects the left ear. An intense conflict-activity results in a middle ear “infection” during the healing phase.” (Source: German New Medicine) NOTE: I understand the right/left ear makes if a difference if you are right or left-handed. Also, I understand some conflicts affect both ears regardless.

A similiar situation would occur if a child is at daycare and needs to hear his or her mother’s voice or doesn’t want to hear the daycare provider’s voice.

I have studied German New Medicine independently for the past four years, and I took a full four-day seminar last summer. I am NOT an expert, and I will NOT answer health questions, but I encourage you to research this material yourself. I find it incredible, and it applies so accurately to the health concerns I face with a family of seven.

I highly recommend the booklet:
The Strong family and their medical adventures: Lisa has a middle ear infection Volume 2

And the following two websites:
http://newmedicine.ca/
http://www.germannewmedicine.ca/home.html

When your child becomes sick, determine the conflict that the child faced right before he or she fell ill. I have been on Facebook since 2007, and I have been able to predict with great accuracy who is going to get sick, and what they will get. I will tell my husband that so-and-so is going to get a cold, etc. and sure enough, she does.  I have seen this with colds and flus, pink eye, sore throats, eczema, and of course ear infections, etc. Things that stand out where a child is bound to get sick is when they start daycare, or when their mother works full-time and then takes time off to be home with the child. I have seen both mother and child develop pink eye because they are so happy to see each other during a vacation. I read about a baby’s recurring earaches, and suspect the mother lets him cry-it-out. Sure enough, that ends up being the case.  Also, school causes a lot of stress conflicts and belly-aches for children. I have seen lots of university students get colds or flus right after exams. Conflicts in your life can make you sick. Learn how to prevent conflicts and resolve inevitable conflicts quickly.

Edited to add: Hearing conflicts aren’t the only cause of health problems related to crying-it-out. It’s how the child perceives the situation. It could also be a visual conflict, or a separation conflict (resulting in skin issues), or an abandonment conflict, etc.

Edited a mistake: Even though he didn’t remember, I am sure that my six-year-old’s ear did hurt for a couple hours last year.

Category: German New Medicine, Health, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Stay-at-Home | 6 Comments »
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Carol | March 5, 2011

Dr. Seuss Has the Best ‘Attachment Parenting’ Quote
http://thestir.cafemom.com/baby/116937/dr_seuss_has_the_best

“A person’s a person, no matter how small.” Dr. Seuss

“The reason something like ‘cry-it-out’ is not an AP tenet is because we believe that a child who is crying is using their voice — the only thing a baby has — to ask for something…”

Are We Contributing To The Exploitation Of Our Kids??
http://www.blogher.com/are-we-contributing-exploitation-our-kids?

AnyBody: Parents are ignoring their children for their BlackBerry
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2011/01/31/AR2011013104657.html?hpid=sec-health

Happy Children Make Happy Adults
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/02/110225094936.htm

“Being a ‘happy’ teenager is linked to increased well-being in adulthood…”

Joy of parenthood is a fantasy: Psychologists say cost of children forces mothers and fathers to convince themselves it’s worthwhile
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1362784/Psychologists-say-cost-children-forces-mothers-fathers-convince-worthwhile.html#ixzz1Fk0ormnG

technology does have it’s advantages
http://contented-sparrow.blogspot.com/2011/03/technology-does-have-its-advantages.html

Found this kind of sad. But things sure have changed since the Little House in the Big Woods days.

Michelle vs. the Michelles: A Breast-Feeding Throwdown
http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/17/michelle-vs-the-michelles-a-breast-feeding-throwdown/

“Michelle Obama is talking up the health benefits of breast-feeding and new government incentives that she hopes will encourage more moms to nurse and hopefully, curb childhood obesity.”

“But two other Michelles, Michelle Bachman and Michelle Malkin, breast-feeding moms themselves, are challenging her “nanny state” approach to the issue…”

Chronically Ill Children Are 88% More Likely to Suffer Physical Abuse, Swedish Researchers Find
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/02/110217083026.htm

Category: Facebook, Health, Parenting Attachment, Parenting Breastfeeding, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting General, Politics Barack Obama, Politics Michele Bachmann, Science Technology | No Comments »
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