PARENTING FREEDOM

Carol | December 31, 2011

Mothers, Protect Your Babies From Crying-it-out

Dangers of “Crying It Out”
http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/81755

“Letting babies get distressed is a practice that can damage children and their relational capacities in many ways for the long term. We know now that leaving babies to cry is a good way to make a less intelligent, less healthy but more anxious, uncooperative and alienated person who can pass the same or worse traits on to the next generation.”

“Forcing ‘independence’ on a baby leads to greater dependence…”

“Ignorant behaviorists then and now encourage parents to condition the baby to expect needs NOT to be met on demand, whether feeding or comforting…”

“Crying it out “is more likely to foster a whiney, unhappy, aggressive and/or demanding child, one who has learned that one must scream to get needs met. A deep sense of insecurity is likely to stay with them the rest of life…”

“The fact is that caregivers who habitually respond to the needs of the baby before the baby gets distressed, preventing crying, are more likely to have children who are independent than the opposite…”

“One strangely popular notion still around today is to let babies ‘cry it out’ when they are left alone, isolated in cribs or other devices. This comes from a misunderstanding of child and brain development.”

• “Babies grow from being held. Their bodies get dysregulated when they are physically separated from caregivers…”
• “Babies indicate a need through gesture and eventually, if necessary, through crying. Just as adults reach for liquid when thirsty, children search for what they need in the moment. Just as adults become calm once the need is met, so do babies.”
• “There are many longterm effects of undercare or need-neglect in babies (e.g., Bremmer et al, 1998; Blunt Bugental et al., 2003; Dawson et al., 2000; Heim et al 2003).”
• “Secure attachment is related to responsive parenting, such as when babies wake up and cry at night.”

The article has much more information and some great references and links. Please click through.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/81755

Category: Parenting Attachment, Parenting Cry it Out | No Comments »
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Carol | December 28, 2011

My sister’s baby is due in six weeks, and we have enjoyed feeling kicks and watching bumps. Last night, C1 hurt herself a bit and cried. Instantly, Ruth’s unborn baby started thrashing about in empathy… Every time one of the older kids gets hurt, C1 does a fake low whimpering squeal in empathy. She definitely feels their pain!… C1 has a dolly that starts with a cry, makes more different sounds, and finally laughs. C1 knows exactly how to treat the dolly during each sound. She hugs, pats and comforts at the first cry, and mimics the other ones, and laughs when her baby laughs.

Category: Baby #6, Journal 2011, Parenting Attachment, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Pregnancy, Status Updates | No Comments »
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Carol | December 6, 2011

Did You Ever Learn To Self Soothe?
http://realchilddevelopment.com/inspiration/did-you-ever-learn-to-self-soothe

“…There are many myths and misunderstandings surrounding the idea of self-soothing. Some claim that it is learned in infancy through the process of “crying it out,” when in infant is left alone to cry himself to sleep. Brain research is showing the opposite is true…”

“…I never learned to self soothe. Whenever I was faced with distressing emotions as a child ~ anger or frustration ~ and acted out of that, I was promptly spanked so as to end the undesirable “behavior.” And so my brain did not develop the wiring that takes place as children are repeatedly soothed, comforted, listened to and walked through those uncomfortable feelings.”

Dr. Laura Markham explains the process:

“When we get upset and are soothed as little ones, our neural wiring is built and repeatedly reinforced so that we become able to soothe ourselves. This is not just a psychological learning, but a physical one. The brain and nervous system take shape depending on our interaction with the environment. We learn to regulate ourselves emotionally in the context of our intimate relationships. So after our child cries in our arms and “shows us” her upset, we soothe her. That builds the neural wiring for her to soothe herself and restore herself to regulation.”

Category: Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Discipline | No Comments »
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Carol | September 27, 2011

I don’t know about you, but every single time I have witnessed people talking about babies and night sleeping, there are always only two scenarios: Either the baby sleeps through the night (or almost), and everyone gathers around in admiration saying, “Wow, you’re lucky, he must be such a good baby!” OR, the baby does not sleep through the night, and the mother shifts embarrassingly, not knowing how to explain the shameful situation.

When I hear the sleeping-through-the-night situation worshipped, I wonder the following:

• Likely the baby is being fed substandard fake not-milk.  … Breastmilk is digested and absorbed so much more naturally that baby needs more frequent feedings. And the benefits of breastfeeding to both mother and child are beyond measure.

• The mother must not mind the early return of her fertility and menstrual cycles. … Night feedings are key in breastfeeding and natural child spacing. In my experience, it can help delay cycles for 24 or 25 months.

• If baby does search for his mother in the night, is he alone in his own room where his mother doesn’t even notice? Or does she just ignore him? … Responding to baby is much healthier.

• I believe it makes sense biologically for baby to wake in the night so the mother will continue to supervise the safety of her child around the clock. This also keeps the connection.

• Night feedings are among the most quiet, precious, mother-child bonding experiences that exist.

• Is baby being fed frequently enough to make him grow strong and healthy?

Related posts:
http://parentingfreedom.com/2010/12/05/does-she-sleep-through-the-night/
http://parentingfreedom.com/breastfeeding/

Category: Mommy Tips, Parenting Attachment, Parenting Breastfeeding, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Sleep Sharing | 2 Comments »
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Carol | July 10, 2011

Morning comes with bright light peeking around the edges of the window blinds. I am being summoned out of a deep sleep with the gentle stirrings of my sleeping baby curled up next to me. I draw her close with kisses and soft murmurings. With eyes still closed, she reaches her little fist out to grasp strands of my long hair, and she pops her trusty thumb in her mouth. This usually gives us some extra sleep before we start the day.

9 1/2 months old

When she stirs again, I remind her I’m here, reach for my firm foam wedges (2-12″ for comfortably sitting up in bed), clip my Brest Friend around my waist, and scoop my baby in my arms. She doesn’t have to cry. Many months ago, she mostly replaced her cry with a “cough” that means, “Hurry up, Mommy!”

Nursing in sleep in bed ~ 2 1/2 months old

She latches on, and her tummy begins to fill with her warm, nutritious breakfast. Another “cough” tells me to switch sides. Before she latches again, she does her morning stretch with arms quivering above her little head that she has arched back. Her legs are stretched right out, down to her bare toes, eyes still closed. Then she nurses more, and by this time, I am starting to fully awaken, and her eyes have begun to squint open, saying, “Of course it’s you, Mommy.” Then she concentrates on looking at me, and in spite of a few milky grins, and attempts at starting a conversation, she finishes her milk. I shove the wedges to the side, and we lay down and cuddle some more, and she begins to chatter and sit or stand on me. “Time to get up, Mommy!”

Up for the day!! ~ 6 1/2 months old

The rest of the day always includes several more nursing sessions, and a baby nursing nap here or there. Maybe even a sleep for Mommy and Baby in the La-Z-Boy chair. At least once a day, I help my six-year-old with his schoolwork with a nursing or sleeping baby in my arms.

Homeschooling a six-year-old
while nurturing a new baby ~ 20 days old
Baby’s bed is the Brest Friend on Mommy’s lap.

The view from my rocking chair ~ almost 5 months old

Occasionally, if Baby is extra tired and Mommy is not, I lay her on a little floor mattress that I slide out from under the bed. That way, I can step away from the area for short times while she sleeps safely. I have an audio/video monitor that I might use on those occasions.

Sleeping on the thin floor mattress next to the bed
during a daytime nap ~ 9 1/2 months old

I have never been a stickler for naps. Although Baby’s need for sleep is respected, I don’t find that naps require a certain place, time, or amount of time. Baby also does not determine our family’s daily activities. Baby may nap in my arms, in the carseat on the way to town, in the sling in a store, at the movies, during a walk, or in the backpack at the grocery store, etc.

Our lifestyle is very welcoming to a baby. She is part of the family, and with the exception of everyone having to wait while we pull off the highway for Baby to have a nursing break or diaper change now and again, there is really no time when Baby causes the family to miss anything. For example, this spring, we did eight Disney/Universal amusement parks in eight days, and we spent another day at the beach! Baby was on board and partying as hard as the rest! (I highly recommend bringing a baby with you to Disney/Universal. Child swap is awesome! The whole family stands in line, and then the parents take turns going on the rides with all the kids. Double the fun for the children in much less time!)

Napping in sling at a Hollywood Studios attraction ~ 8 months old

Nursing nap while visiting relatives ~ 4 months old

Typing the text for this article into the computer ~ 9 1/2 months old

At bedtime, usually around 10 PM, I pour a glass of water, locate the TV remote control, and carry my onesie-clad baby into the bedroom. I arrange my foam wedges, fasten my Brest Friend into place, and my baby begins her bedtime nursing. We both are relaxed, and she usually falls asleep quickly and peacefully. Sometimes, she is not quite worn out, but it doesn’t take much activity before she settles down for more breastmilk. I watch TV or read or write or talk while she nurse-sleeps. Even after she finishes nursing, I may keep holding her until my arm gets all sweaty, and her little body gets too warm. That is exactly where she is as I write these very words. I often don’t want to put her down.

Writing this article in bed with a pencil and paper
I didn’t want to put down my sleeping baby.
9 1/2 months old

I eventually gently position her beside me on her side facing me, with her back to the high, sturdy bed rail. If she isn’t in a deep sleep, she will grab my hair on the way down and suck her thumb while I cuddle and pat her back to sleep. I usually continue watching TV or read as late as I like, right next to my sleeping baby. (I have researched and practice SAFE sleep sharing, but get your own medical advice.) She will stir at least a couple times (more often in the early months) during the night, rarely with a cry, and I readily provide her nighttime comfort and nutrition. All is good.

As an older mother of five and after having experienced a devastating miscarriage, I know that this is a precious time, much to be appreciated, and will be gone all too soon.  “Babies don’t keep.”

Nurturing my baby is truly my highest priority. The mutually satisfying mothering-to-sleep style I have chosen for each of my five babies is an alternative to the Ezzo, cry-it-out, sleep scheduling, Ferberizing methods.

I can’t think of anything more rewarding as a mother than the pleasant experience of nursing my baby to sleep and having my baby sleep next to me. I encourage you to consider being willing to experience and embrace this glimpse of unconditional love.

Trying to stick to strict schedules or having the attitude that if you “let baby get away with this, she will always want to do this” can take all the fun out of sleep-related mothering. Enjoy this peaceful mothering experience. Give your child the gift of your motherly comfort, and make your heart rejoice. 

Live without regrets.

Asleep on Mommy ~ almost 5 months old

“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.” Isaiah 40:11

“‘Rejoice with Jerusalem and be glad for her, all you who love her; rejoice greatly with her, all you who mourn over her. For you will nurse and be satisfied at her comforting breasts; you will drink deeply and delight in her overflowing abundance.’ For this is what the LORD says: ‘I will extend peace to her like a river, and the wealth of nations like a flooding stream; you will nurse and be carried on her arm and dandled on her knees. As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem.’ When you see this, your heart will rejoice and you will flourish like grass.” Isaiah 66:10-14

DISCLAIMER: I want to make clear that sleep-related mothering does not always go so smoothly, but I will attest to the fact that the vast majority of the past ten months of my baby’s sleep-related life has been exactly as described as above. Also, I am not an expert, and I am not giving advice, so please refer to your doctor regarding all issues mentioned here and on this website.

For more on this topic, choose from the following:

Article: Does she sleep through the night?

Crying it Out: Essay ~ Bible Verses ~ Quotes ~ Blog Posts ~ Books

Sleep Sharing: Essay ~ Bible Verses ~ Quotes ~ Blog Posts ~ Books 

NOTE: This is my contribution to the 8th annual Ezzo Week hosted at Tulipgirl.com from July 11 -17, 2011. “This week is devoted to both encouraging parents, as well as educating them on the destructive philosophies and practices associated with the parenting teachings of Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo.”

Category: Baby #6, Miscarriage, Parenting Attachment, Parenting Babywearing, Parenting Breastfeeding, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Sleep Sharing | 6 Comments »
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Carol | May 29, 2011

My children have had very few experiences with earaches or ear infections in their lifetimes. My 17-year-old has only had an earache 2-3 times ever. My 12-year-old had an earache once as a baby and once as an older child. My 9-year-old had 2-3 mild earaches two summers ago. My 6-year-old boy had one ear hurt for approximately two hours last year, and my 8 1/2-month-old girl has never had an ear infection. The grand total of earaches among my five children throughout their lives is 7-9.

Earaches or ear infections occur when a person experiences a conflict about wanting to hear something, but can’t, OR when the person does not want to hear something. For example, two summers ago, the weather was rather unpredictable, so we spent much time one morning debating over whether or not we would be able to go on a river float. My 9-year-old daughter loves such activities and wanted to go badly. We kept changing our minds. When we finally announced that we definitely were going to go, my 12-year-old son, familiar with German New Medicine, predicted that his sister would get an ear ache. Sure enough, as we were floating down the beautiful river, my daughter’s ear began to hurt and throb. That was the healing phase of her hearing (sound-morsel) conflict. She wanted to hear something, and when it finally came true, she began to heal. That’s when the pain begins. We knew it wouldn’t last because her conflict active time was short, but it still hurts in the mean time! The same thing happened the next time we hummed and hawed over going on another river float the following week! (We treat earaches with garlic, but get your own medical consultation.)

I often hear parents talk about their babies having ear infections. Oftentimes during infancy, it is because the parents let their baby cry-it-out. When baby wants to hear his mother come to rescue him, but she doesn’t, and then when she finally does come, he may develop an ear infection or ear ache. That is a predictable and preventable health problem. If you want to help prevent ear infections, respond to your baby’s cries. Read more about crying-it-out here.

“The middle ear relates to hearing conflicts (the “sound-morsel”). The conflict of “not being able to catch a sound morsel”, for example not hearing Mommy’s voice, affects the right ear, whereas the conflict of “not being able to get rid of a sound morsel”, for instant loud annoying noise, affects the left ear. An intense conflict-activity results in a middle ear “infection” during the healing phase.” (Source: German New Medicine) NOTE: I understand the right/left ear makes if a difference if you are right or left-handed. Also, I understand some conflicts affect both ears regardless.

A similiar situation would occur if a child is at daycare and needs to hear his or her mother’s voice or doesn’t want to hear the daycare provider’s voice.

I have studied German New Medicine independently for the past four years, and I took a full four-day seminar last summer. I am NOT an expert, and I will NOT answer health questions, but I encourage you to research this material yourself. I find it incredible, and it applies so accurately to the health concerns I face with a family of seven.

I highly recommend the booklet:
The Strong family and their medical adventures: Lisa has a middle ear infection Volume 2

And the following two websites:
http://newmedicine.ca/
http://www.germannewmedicine.ca/home.html

When your child becomes sick, determine the conflict that the child faced right before he or she fell ill. I have been on Facebook since 2007, and I have been able to predict with great accuracy who is going to get sick, and what they will get. I will tell my husband that so-and-so is going to get a cold, etc. and sure enough, she does.  I have seen this with colds and flus, pink eye, sore throats, eczema, and of course ear infections, etc. Things that stand out where a child is bound to get sick is when they start daycare, or when their mother works full-time and then takes time off to be home with the child. I have seen both mother and child develop pink eye because they are so happy to see each other during a vacation. I read about a baby’s recurring earaches, and suspect the mother lets him cry-it-out. Sure enough, that ends up being the case.  Also, school causes a lot of stress conflicts and belly-aches for children. I have seen lots of university students get colds or flus right after exams. Conflicts in your life can make you sick. Learn how to prevent conflicts and resolve inevitable conflicts quickly.

Edited to add: Hearing conflicts aren’t the only cause of health problems related to crying-it-out. It’s how the child perceives the situation. It could also be a visual conflict, or a separation conflict (resulting in skin issues), or an abandonment conflict, etc.

Edited a mistake: Even though he didn’t remember, I am sure that my six-year-old’s ear did hurt for a couple hours last year.

Category: German New Medicine, Health, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Stay-at-Home | 6 Comments »
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Carol | March 5, 2011

Dr. Seuss Has the Best ‘Attachment Parenting’ Quote
http://thestir.cafemom.com/baby/116937/dr_seuss_has_the_best

“A person’s a person, no matter how small.” Dr. Seuss

“The reason something like ‘cry-it-out’ is not an AP tenet is because we believe that a child who is crying is using their voice — the only thing a baby has — to ask for something…”

Are We Contributing To The Exploitation Of Our Kids??
http://www.blogher.com/are-we-contributing-exploitation-our-kids?

AnyBody: Parents are ignoring their children for their BlackBerry
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2011/01/31/AR2011013104657.html?hpid=sec-health

Happy Children Make Happy Adults
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/02/110225094936.htm

“Being a ‘happy’ teenager is linked to increased well-being in adulthood…”

Joy of parenthood is a fantasy: Psychologists say cost of children forces mothers and fathers to convince themselves it’s worthwhile
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1362784/Psychologists-say-cost-children-forces-mothers-fathers-convince-worthwhile.html#ixzz1Fk0ormnG

technology does have it’s advantages
http://contented-sparrow.blogspot.com/2011/03/technology-does-have-its-advantages.html

Found this kind of sad. But things sure have changed since the Little House in the Big Woods days.

Michelle vs. the Michelles: A Breast-Feeding Throwdown
http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/17/michelle-vs-the-michelles-a-breast-feeding-throwdown/

“Michelle Obama is talking up the health benefits of breast-feeding and new government incentives that she hopes will encourage more moms to nurse and hopefully, curb childhood obesity.”

“But two other Michelles, Michelle Bachman and Michelle Malkin, breast-feeding moms themselves, are challenging her “nanny state” approach to the issue…”

Chronically Ill Children Are 88% More Likely to Suffer Physical Abuse, Swedish Researchers Find
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/02/110217083026.htm

Category: Facebook, Health, Parenting Attachment, Parenting Breastfeeding, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting General, Politics Barack Obama, Politics Michele Bachmann, Science Technology | No Comments »
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Carol | March 2, 2011

I just love these pictures of this newborn gorilla and its mother. What joy, what bliss, what love is this.  

Feeding time for the five-day-old silverback so well protected by its mother that zookeepers don’t know what sex it is
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1362264/Newborn-gorilla-endangered-species-list-pictured-Zurich-zoo.html#ixzz1FVBh6leu 

“After drinking its mother’s milk, the tiny gorilla snuggles in her arms… The baby gorilla’s eyes grow heavy in the comfort of its mother’s embrace… She looks down at the baby lovingly and he appears to look back for reassurance before slowly drifting off into a deep sleep…”

No crib. No crying-it-out. No mother substitutes. No milk substitutes… Instinctive attachment parenting all the way…

Category: Parenting Attachment, Parenting Babywearing, Parenting Breastfeeding, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Sleep Sharing | No Comments »
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Carol | February 20, 2011

Chronically Ill Children Are 88% More Likely to Suffer Physical Abuse, Swedish Researchers Find
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/02/110217083026.htm

I think it is often the abuse that CAUSES some of the illnesses. I encourage you to research German New Medicine which explains the science behind conflicts and illness.

Category: German New Medicine, Health, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Discipline | No Comments »
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Carol | February 6, 2011

Dads can keep the peace… by leaving childcare to mum
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1351238/Dads-peace–leaving-childcare-mum.html#ixzz1DCRGe7Ob

“Couples have a stronger relationship when the father spends more time playing with their child. But when he participates in care-giving – such as giving baths – parents undermine each other.”

I don’t know if that would be the case because I think most mothers would be thankful for any help.

On a related issue, controlling fathers is one area that disturbs me. I can’t tell you how many times I have witnessed the distress of women whose husbands lay down the law about parenting issues. It seems to happen without ANY research into the topic. They also don’t appear to have any spirituality behind their decisions either. Completely ignorant decisions are made by these men while they are exercising their power of control.

Women tell me that their husbands say, “No, you can’t homeschool.” “No, you can’t breastfeed past one.” “No, the baby can’t sleep with us.” “No, we must spank the children.” “No, the baby stays with a sitter.” “No, you have to work.” “No, this is my money, and that is your money.” “No, we are DEFINITELY vaccinating.” “No, let her cry.”

I have heard these things so often from mothers. It is so sad and so wrong. I can only beg the young women to muster the strength and courage BEFORE engagement. BEFORE children. It starts with not giving their bodies away for free (without a wedding band of commitment).

Category: Homeschooling Controversy, Marriage, Parenting Breastfeeding, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Discipline, Parenting General, Parenting Sleep Sharing, Parenting Stay-at-Home, Vaccination | No Comments »
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Carol | December 13, 2010

Children ‘should sleep with parents until they’re five’
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article1083020.ece

“There is absolutely no study saying it is good to let your child cry.”

“The practice common in Britain of training children to sleep alone from a few weeks old is harmful because any separation from parents increases the flow of stress hormones such as cortisol…”

“Studies from around the world show that co-sleeping until the age of five is an investment for the child. They can have separation anxiety up to the age of five and beyond, which can affect them in later life. This is calmed by co-sleeping.”

This is EXACTLY what my research and experience shows!! I had three children move to their own bed at age five and one at age four. They were READY and never looked back.

Category: Parenting Attachment, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Sleep Sharing | No Comments »
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Carol | December 5, 2010

The most common question I have been asked since the birth of Baby GC is, “Does she sleep through the night?” (I think “Does she sleep through the night?” and “Is she a good baby?” amount to the same concern. The expectation seems to be a baby who leaves the mother alone so the mother doesn’t know she has a baby.)

Baby GC ~ 12 days old

I think most of the people who ask this question have experience with “bottle-fed, baby-in-a-crib-in-the-other-room” parenting. Night feedings must be much more uncomfortable, unpleasant, and more difficult than what I experience as an attachment mother. I thankfully also don’t have to leave my children in the morning to work outside the home.

Baby GC ~ One month old

Nighttime awakenings usually go like this: When the warm milk that filled her tummy at bedtime is completely absorbed, she stirs and tosses and smacks her lips. I pat her back or lift her on to my chest in case it’s just a rogue burp which needs to be released. If she continues to turn her head and begins to root, often with “hurry-up-already” coughs, I begin to nurse her. The smile as she latches on and her sighs of complete satisfaction are worth the label of not “sleeping through the night.” Mother’s high of a mixture of oxytocin and prolactin is satisfying as well. Her little fingers are wrapped around my thumb, and my fingers are wrapped around her little forearm. I may drift back to sleep while she is nursing, but if I can, I stay awake to position her carefully beside me when she is contentedly full. I cuddle her next to me and stretch out while she sleeps peacefully. I often hold her two hands in one of mine while I join her in deep sleep. (This helps when she is getting settled because it keeps her hands from rubbing or accidentally scratching her face and waking herself.) She sleeps next to me, safely on a firm mattress with a sturdy, high guard rail, instinctively watched over by her sleeping guardian mother.

I believe babies are smarter and healthier if they don’t sleep through the night. I understand the technical definition of “sleeping through the night” is six hours, but Baby and I usually stay in bed for eleven hours straight.

Usually after night nursings, I don’t even want to stop holding her. For her sake, I don’t want to put her down on the cold sheets, and I selfishly don’t want to lose her comfy, cuddly warmth. I have had five babies, and I know this time passes quickly. Soon, there will be a baby no more.

I can relate to the pain and suffering of having a colicky baby up every hour or two for months, stretching to sleepless years. Even with a healthy baby, there can be stressful nights of fatigue and frustration, but under normal circumstances, nighttime mothering isn’t much of a sacrifice. It is more like a gift. A mutual gift that brings joy and satisfaction to both mother and child.

So the answer to your question is, “No. She doesn’t sleep through the night. She’s a baby! And I’m glad. I miss her when she’s sleeping!” (I hold my tongue from saying, “Do YOU sleep through the night?” because I already suspect the answer is no.)

Baby GC ~ Almost three months old

P.S. It is now 4:47AM and I am lying here, propped up in bed, with a pencil and paper in hand, writing by a dim light. Baby is sleeping peacefully on my chest. I listen to her soft, steady breathing. Her eyes are closed with dark eyelashes feathering her rosy cheeks. I breathe in her baby smells. Sweet milk has dripped down her chin into the creases of her roly-poly neck, adding to her scent. Her “baby-ness” encourages mother’s kisses. She smells and feels so nice. She was made to be irresistible to her mother. I don’t want to lay her down. I want to hold her forever. She is surely giving me a glimpse of Heaven.

“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.” Isaiah 40:11

“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.” Isaiah 66:13

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’” Matthew 25:40

“People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.’ And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.” Mark 10:13-16

For more on this topic, choose from the following:
Essay ~ Bible Verses ~ Quotes ~ Blog Posts ~ Books

Related: http://parentingfreedom.com/2011/07/10/my-no-regrets-alternative-to-crying-it-out/

Category: Baby #6, Parenting Attachment, Parenting Breastfeeding, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Fussy Baby, Parenting Sleep Sharing | 10 Comments »
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Carol | December 1, 2010

Cheer up, we were all born to laugh: Chuckling is instinctive but crying is learned
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1328627/Cheer-born-laugh-Chuckling-instinctive-crying-learned.html#ixzz16s0WXJPt

“But crying when we’re sad, like other ‘emotional vocalisations’, is something we learn to do.”

“The fact that a baby cries at birth is more likely to be down to the shock of birth or a reflex search for oxygen than sadness.”

Category: Health, Parenting Cry it Out | No Comments »
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Carol | August 26, 2010

Stressed out: Studies show babies become anxious if ignored for even two minutes by mother
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1305892/Six-month-old-babies-stressed-ignored-minutes-mothers.html#ixzz0xigMhvbL

“Six-month-old babies become stressed out when they don’t get the attention they feel they deserve.”

“Levels of the stress hormone cortisol soar when they are ignored by their mother, and even a day later they are worried about the same thing happening again.”

“A baby who is deprived of its mother’s love for just two minutes is anxious about being ignored.”

“…repeated episodes of stress could have a huge effect on a youngster’s health and on his or her course in life.”

“A troubled upbringing may also mean the child going on to become a less than perfect parent itself.”

Babies remember moments of neglect, study suggests
http://www.ctv.ca/CTVNews/Health/20100825/babies-emotional-stress-100825/

“Babies were able to anticipate stress based on the expectations formed from the previous day about how their parents would treat them.”

“Children as young as six months have the capacity to remember stressful events in “intimate contexts.”

“Social and emotional deprivation in the first year of life can have profound long-term impacts on child development and mental health,” Hertzman said in the news release.”

Babies feel and remember stress when parents don’t respond
http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/babiespregnancy/babies/article/851960–babies-feel-and-remember-stress-when-parents-don-t-respond

For infant sleep, receptiveness more important than routine
http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2010-08/ps-fis081010.php

“Being emotionally receptive can reduce sleep disruptions and help infants and toddlers sleep better.”

“Parents had the most success with their children’s sleep when they responded appropriately to their children’s cues.”

Category: Parenting Attachment, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Fussy Baby, Parenting Sleep Sharing, Parenting Stay-at-Home | No Comments »
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Carol | August 20, 2010

DISCLAIMER:
Follow your doctor’s advice and all warning labels for ALL issues regarding your baby.

This will be my fifth “Attachment Parented” baby. I have mothered in this way more intensely with each child, and I have no regrets in that area. I praise and thank God for leading me to “Attachment Parenting”.

I promised you pictures of my “Attachment Parenting Nursery”, and naturally, you get my opinions thrown in, so here we go… It might make you feel better to read a different blog.

We have the means, but not the will, to have a separate nursery for Baby. I believe a traditional nursery is NOT in the best interests of a baby. I believe a nursery only satisfies the mother-to-be’s dreams of having a beautiful baby room, as well as peer and family’s expectations and traditions.

What about Baby?

Baby not only WANTS to be with Mother, but EXPECTS and NEEDS to be with Mother.

What is the perfect nursery for a baby?

Mother’s eyes. Mother’s voice. Mother’s arms. Mother’s breasts. Mother’s love. MOTHER.

Contrary to what you might think, nesting is a big deal for me. I prepare for months to get things ready for Baby, but I do nurseries differently than most mothers. I prepare the nest in the location where I actually intend to nest.

During the past few months, we redecorated our master bedroom, and it was completed today with the arrival of our two new swivel/rocker recliners. And now for details…

NESTING AREA
~ large bed
~ comfortable chair for mother (Mine is the patterned one.)
~ comfortable chair for father (My husband wanted his in leather which I find too cold.)
~ Baby’s dresser (with a drawer on one end for mother and a drawer on the other end for father)
~ coasters for glasses on each end of the dresser
~ night table
~ lamps

(The flash made the colors a little brighter than they actually are. The reds are darker in real life.)

NURSING CHAIR
~ swivel/rocker recliner
~ My Brest Friend nursing pillow
~ blanket
~ book basket on floor next to chair for reading to older child

SIDE TABLE / NIGHT TABLE
~ tissue box
~ touch lamp (so important for Mother’s panicky concerns for Baby in the night)
~ telephone with the ringer off (I can hear the phone from the kitchen.)
~ intercom where I can call for help when Baby poos all over me or when my throat is so dry that I desperately need water (My family is great to help!) The intercom also doubles as an audio baby monitor when necessary.
~ white noise machine (Thanks, M&C!)
~ place for TWO water glasses (in wooden container where I won’t knock them over during my sleep-deprived nights) (Experience tells me that TWO glasses of water are needed for nursing mothers.)
~ same container also holds remote controls, cream, pens/pencils, notepad
~ phone book in a drawer
~ Bible/books in a drawer
~ notebook in a drawer for my middle-of-the-night inspired writing and list making
~ night light that I can cover/uncover when needed (I prefer darkness, but need to be able to check baby quickly.)
~ diaper change basket (includes diapers, waterproof change pad, tissue box, container with soap, water container)
~ garbage can on floor

FAMILY BED
~ king-sized bed (We downgraded! The biggest we have had in the past was a queen and double side-by-side.)
~ waterproof mattress pad for king-sized bed
~ waterproof change pads for Baby to sleep on (with soft material on one side)
(If Baby’s diapers tend to leak, sleeping on these tend to protect the mattress and save unnecessary work.)
~ king-sized bed is also used for changing wet diapers during the night or naps

GUARD RAIL ON BED
~ extra tall with anchor for king-sized bed
~ has attached case to hold easily accessible diapers, waterproof change pads, receiving blankets, undershirts, my books, etc.

BED NEST
I have never been able to nurse lying down, but I still like to be comfortable in my bed during night feedings, etc.
~ two 12-inch foam wedges
~ at least two pillows (one for my head)
~ My Brest Friend nursing pillow (a substitute for a nursing pillow is a regular pillow folded in half and stuffed to the end of a pillowcase with a knot in the end.)
~ pillow seat (I use a foam medical supply pillow for my sore you-know-what following birth)

FLOOR DIAPER CHANGING AREA
I always thought change tables were ridiculous. I prefer to SIT when I do diapers. I also like the safety factor of a floor changing area which means Baby will NOT roll off when being changed. I can go get more supplies without any concerns.
~ thin foam mattress with crib mattress pad and crib sheet for cover
~ waterproof change pad
~ diaper change basket (includes diapers, waterproof change pad, tissue box, container with soap, water container)
~ jungle gym blanket where we will hang our mobile/toys overhead Baby to entertain Baby and siblings during diaper changes and playtime (not pictured) (Thanks, Grammie and Grampie!)

FLOOR BED
The change area also makes a great floor bed. It is also a very safe place for Baby to sleep when mother has to leave the room and Baby can roll over.
~ thin foam mattress with crib mattress pad and crib sheet for cover
~ blanket to match our king-sized bed blanket

BABY’S DRESSERS
~ waterproof change pads
~ receiving blankets
~ towels/washcloths
~ undershirts (My babies always wore undershirts to bed because sleepers were too warm for them. I like the one-piece style with no snaps or buttons on the chest, but just three snaps at the bottom.)
~ diapers
~ baby toys basket (Baby toys range from 17-years-old to brand new.)
~ blankets
~ bathtub rack liner
~ socks, hats, etc.
~ slings and wraps and carriers (see picture below)

BABY’S CLOTHES (IN MY CLOSET)
It took me five babies to figure out that I should HANG the baby’s clothes on hangers instead of keeping them in a dresser. Hanging them enables you to see the lengths, and Baby won’t grow out of them without wearing them if you can see the sizes.

BABYWEARING NEST
When Baby and Mother are not in the nest described above, Baby still gets to be close to Mother in a carrier/sling/wrap. Here are some of my slings and wraps all washed and ready. I wouldn’t want to count how many carriers/slings I have owned over the years. They are much more important to me than any other article of clothing that I have. I am not a shoe or purse or clothes girl, but definitely a sling girl.

EXTRA THINGS IN THE MASTER BEDROOM
~ definitely a TV with remote controls
~ clock
~ paintings
~ pictures (I have to wait for Baby to get born to get a huge family picture for over the bed)
~ flowers
~ teddy bear

DIAPER BAG
~ my new red leather diaper bag ready for hospital

(The flash made the colors brighter than they are. The reds are darker in real life.)

~ diapers
~ waterproof change pad
~ tissues
~ water bottle
~ soap and container
~ diaper wipes
~ opaque lunch bags with ties for dirty diapers
~ clothes
~ receiving blanket
~ ring sling
~ and more…

Almost 17-Years-Old Going-Home-From-the-Hospital Baby Outfit Worn by All Four of My Children and Ready for #5

That sums up everything I can think of now. When Baby actually arrives, I will no doubt see areas that need to be changed to make things easier. I like things to be practical and efficient. It’s hard to remember everything since it has been six years since I’ve had a baby in the house. AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, everything will soon be MESSY, and I will be embarrassed to show you when you visit. I tend to make people and things look better in pictures.

If you have any suggestions that I would like, please write them in the comments, or send me a note. I love new attachment parenting ideas.

MY SHARING SLEEP NOTES
The following are my personal observations of sharing sleep with my baby.

~ I like to listen to those soft little coos in his sleep.
~ I like to watch him sleep.
~ I like to reach out and pat his back.
~ It is so touching to catch those little sleep smiles, and he sometimes even chuckles out loud in his sleep.
~ I feel secure when I hear his quiet steady breathing, and contented sighs.
~ I know he is safe.
~ However unlikely, I never fear having to go get him if there is a fire or emergency.
~ I like to cover up his little shoulders.
~ I like to be certain he is warm during our Canadian winter nights.
~ I am there to help him regulate his body temperature.
~ I am able to unconsciously teach him to sleep with my body rhythms.
~ If he starts to stir, I can sometimes comfort him back to a deep sleep.
~ Feeding baby couldn’t be easier or more convenient.
~ I am there to massage his tummy to relieve that uncomfortable feeling.
~ I am able to prevent him from completely waking up when his tummy feels empty, thus making it easier to get him back to sleep after nursing.
~ I never have to try to lower him down into a cold crib, desperately hoping not to awaken him.
~ I get more sleep.
~ Sleep sharing extends postpartum infertility.

MY ATTACHMENT PARENTING ESSAYS
William Sears, M.D. and Martha Sears, R.N. are credited with coining the term, attachment parenting, to summarize the following practices:

* Connecting with your baby early.

For more information, read Pregnancy, Natural Childbirth, Birth Comfort.

http://parentingfreedom.com/pregnancy

* Reading and responding to your baby’s cues.

For more information, read Cry it Out, Sleep Training: Is CIO Biblical?

http://parentingfreedom.com/cry-it-0ut

* Breastfeeding your baby.

For more information, read Breastfeeding, Extended Nursing, Spacing Babies.

http://parentingfreedom.com/breastfeeding

* Wearing your baby.

For more information, read Babywearing: Why Should I Carry My Baby?

http://parentingfreedom.com/babywearing

* Sharing sleep with your baby

For more information, read Sleep Sharing, Family Bed: Where Should Baby Sleep?

http://parentingfreedom.com/sleep

DISCLAIMER:
Follow your doctor’s advice and all warning labels for ALL issues regarding your baby.

Category: Baby #6, Homemaking, Journal 2010, Parenting Attachment, Parenting Babywearing, Parenting Breastfeeding, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Pregnancy, Parenting Sleep Sharing | 10 Comments »
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