PARENTING FREEDOM

Carol | March 2, 2011

I just love these pictures of this newborn gorilla and its mother. What joy, what bliss, what love is this.  

Feeding time for the five-day-old silverback so well protected by its mother that zookeepers don’t know what sex it is
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1362264/Newborn-gorilla-endangered-species-list-pictured-Zurich-zoo.html#ixzz1FVBh6leu 

“After drinking its mother’s milk, the tiny gorilla snuggles in her arms… The baby gorilla’s eyes grow heavy in the comfort of its mother’s embrace… She looks down at the baby lovingly and he appears to look back for reassurance before slowly drifting off into a deep sleep…”

No crib. No crying-it-out. No mother substitutes. No milk substitutes… Instinctive attachment parenting all the way…

Category: Parenting Attachment, Parenting Babywearing, Parenting Breastfeeding, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Sleep Sharing | No Comments »
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Carol | February 20, 2011

Chronically Ill Children Are 88% More Likely to Suffer Physical Abuse, Swedish Researchers Find
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/02/110217083026.htm

I think it is often the abuse that CAUSES some of the illnesses. I encourage you to research German New Medicine which explains the science behind conflicts and illness.

Category: German New Medicine, Health, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Discipline | No Comments »
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Carol | February 6, 2011

Dads can keep the peace… by leaving childcare to mum
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1351238/Dads-peace–leaving-childcare-mum.html#ixzz1DCRGe7Ob

“Couples have a stronger relationship when the father spends more time playing with their child. But when he participates in care-giving – such as giving baths – parents undermine each other.”

I don’t know if that would be the case because I think most mothers would be thankful for any help.

On a related issue, controlling fathers is one area that disturbs me. I can’t tell you how many times I have witnessed the distress of women whose husbands lay down the law about parenting issues. It seems to happen without ANY research into the topic. They also don’t appear to have any spirituality behind their decisions either. Completely ignorant decisions are made by these men while they are exercising their power of control.

Women tell me that their husbands say, “No, you can’t homeschool.” “No, you can’t breastfeed past one.” “No, the baby can’t sleep with us.” “No, we must spank the children.” “No, the baby stays with a sitter.” “No, you have to work.” “No, this is my money, and that is your money.” “No, we are DEFINITELY vaccinating.” “No, let her cry.”

I have heard these things so often from mothers. It is so sad and so wrong. I can only beg the young women to muster the strength and courage BEFORE engagement. BEFORE children. It starts with not giving their bodies away for free (without a wedding band of commitment).

Category: Homeschooling Controversy, Marriage, Parenting Breastfeeding, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Discipline, Parenting General, Parenting Sleep Sharing, Parenting Stay-at-Home, Vaccination | No Comments »
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Carol | December 13, 2010

Children ‘should sleep with parents until they’re five’
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article1083020.ece

“There is absolutely no study saying it is good to let your child cry.”

“The practice common in Britain of training children to sleep alone from a few weeks old is harmful because any separation from parents increases the flow of stress hormones such as cortisol…”

“Studies from around the world show that co-sleeping until the age of five is an investment for the child. They can have separation anxiety up to the age of five and beyond, which can affect them in later life. This is calmed by co-sleeping.”

This is EXACTLY what my research and experience shows!! I had three children move to their own bed at age five and one at age four. They were READY and never looked back.

Category: Parenting Attachment, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Sleep Sharing | No Comments »
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Carol | December 5, 2010

The most common question I have been asked since the birth of Baby GC is, “Does she sleep through the night?” (I think “Does she sleep through the night?” and “Is she a good baby?” amount to the same concern. The expectation seems to be a baby who leaves the mother alone so the mother doesn’t know she has a baby.)

Baby GC ~ 12 days old

I think most of the people who ask this question have experience with “bottle-fed, baby-in-a-crib-in-the-other-room” parenting. Night feedings must be much more uncomfortable, unpleasant, and more difficult than what I experience as an attachment mother. I thankfully also don’t have to leave my children in the morning to work outside the home.

Baby GC ~ One month old

Nighttime awakenings usually go like this: When the warm milk that filled her tummy at bedtime is completely absorbed, she stirs and tosses and smacks her lips. I pat her back or lift her on to my chest in case it’s just a rogue burp which needs to be released. If she continues to turn her head and begins to root, often with “hurry-up-already” coughs, I begin to nurse her. The smile as she latches on and her sighs of complete satisfaction are worth the label of not “sleeping through the night.” Mother’s high of a mixture of oxytocin and prolactin is satisfying as well. Her little fingers are wrapped around my thumb, and my fingers are wrapped around her little forearm. I may drift back to sleep while she is nursing, but if I can, I stay awake to position her carefully beside me when she is contentedly full. I cuddle her next to me and stretch out while she sleeps peacefully. I often hold her two hands in one of mine while I join her in deep sleep. (This helps when she is getting settled because it keeps her hands from rubbing or accidentally scratching her face and waking herself.) She sleeps next to me, safely on a firm mattress with a sturdy, high guard rail, instinctively watched over by her sleeping guardian mother.

I believe babies are smarter and healthier if they don’t sleep through the night. I understand the technical definition of “sleeping through the night” is six hours, but Baby and I usually stay in bed for eleven hours straight.

Usually after night nursings, I don’t even want to stop holding her. For her sake, I don’t want to put her down on the cold sheets, and I selfishly don’t want to lose her comfy, cuddly warmth. I have had five babies, and I know this time passes quickly. Soon, there will be a baby no more.

I can relate to the pain and suffering of having a colicky baby up every hour or two for months, stretching to sleepless years. Even with a healthy baby, there can be stressful nights of fatigue and frustration, but under normal circumstances, nighttime mothering isn’t much of a sacrifice. It is more like a gift. A mutual gift that brings joy and satisfaction to both mother and child.

So the answer to your question is, “No. She doesn’t sleep through the night. She’s a baby! And I’m glad. I miss her when she’s sleeping!” (I hold my tongue from saying, “Do YOU sleep through the night?” because I already suspect the answer is no.)

Baby GC ~ Almost three months old

P.S. It is now 4:47AM and I am lying here, propped up in bed, with a pencil and paper in hand, writing by a dim light. Baby is sleeping peacefully on my chest. I listen to her soft, steady breathing. Her eyes are closed with dark eyelashes feathering her rosy cheeks. I breathe in her baby smells. Sweet milk has dripped down her chin into the creases of her roly-poly neck, adding to her scent. Her “baby-ness” encourages mother’s kisses. She smells and feels so nice. She was made to be irresistible to her mother. I don’t want to lay her down. I want to hold her forever. She is surely giving me a glimpse of Heaven.

“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.” Isaiah 40:11

“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.” Isaiah 66:13

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’” Matthew 25:40

“People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.’ And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.” Mark 10:13-16

For more on this topic, choose from the following:
Essay ~ Bible Verses ~ Quotes ~ Blog Posts ~ Books

Related: http://parentingfreedom.com/2011/07/10/my-no-regrets-alternative-to-crying-it-out/

Category: Baby #6, Parenting Attachment, Parenting Breastfeeding, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Fussy Baby, Parenting Sleep Sharing | 10 Comments »
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Carol | December 1, 2010

Cheer up, we were all born to laugh: Chuckling is instinctive but crying is learned
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1328627/Cheer-born-laugh-Chuckling-instinctive-crying-learned.html#ixzz16s0WXJPt

“But crying when we’re sad, like other ‘emotional vocalisations’, is something we learn to do.”

“The fact that a baby cries at birth is more likely to be down to the shock of birth or a reflex search for oxygen than sadness.”

Category: Health, Parenting Cry it Out | No Comments »
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Carol | August 26, 2010

Stressed out: Studies show babies become anxious if ignored for even two minutes by mother
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1305892/Six-month-old-babies-stressed-ignored-minutes-mothers.html#ixzz0xigMhvbL

“Six-month-old babies become stressed out when they don’t get the attention they feel they deserve.”

“Levels of the stress hormone cortisol soar when they are ignored by their mother, and even a day later they are worried about the same thing happening again.”

“A baby who is deprived of its mother’s love for just two minutes is anxious about being ignored.”

“…repeated episodes of stress could have a huge effect on a youngster’s health and on his or her course in life.”

“A troubled upbringing may also mean the child going on to become a less than perfect parent itself.”

Babies remember moments of neglect, study suggests
http://www.ctv.ca/CTVNews/Health/20100825/babies-emotional-stress-100825/

“Babies were able to anticipate stress based on the expectations formed from the previous day about how their parents would treat them.”

“Children as young as six months have the capacity to remember stressful events in “intimate contexts.”

“Social and emotional deprivation in the first year of life can have profound long-term impacts on child development and mental health,” Hertzman said in the news release.”

Babies feel and remember stress when parents don’t respond
http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/babiespregnancy/babies/article/851960–babies-feel-and-remember-stress-when-parents-don-t-respond

For infant sleep, receptiveness more important than routine
http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2010-08/ps-fis081010.php

“Being emotionally receptive can reduce sleep disruptions and help infants and toddlers sleep better.”

“Parents had the most success with their children’s sleep when they responded appropriately to their children’s cues.”

Category: Parenting Attachment, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Fussy Baby, Parenting Sleep Sharing, Parenting Stay-at-Home | No Comments »
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Carol | August 20, 2010

DISCLAIMER:
Follow your doctor’s advice and all warning labels for ALL issues regarding your baby.

This will be my fifth “Attachment Parented” baby. I have mothered in this way more intensely with each child, and I have no regrets in that area. I praise and thank God for leading me to “Attachment Parenting”.

I promised you pictures of my “Attachment Parenting Nursery”, and naturally, you get my opinions thrown in, so here we go… It might make you feel better to read a different blog.

We have the means, but not the will, to have a separate nursery for Baby. I believe a traditional nursery is NOT in the best interests of a baby. I believe a nursery only satisfies the mother-to-be’s dreams of having a beautiful baby room, as well as peer and family’s expectations and traditions.

What about Baby?

Baby not only WANTS to be with Mother, but EXPECTS and NEEDS to be with Mother.

What is the perfect nursery for a baby?

Mother’s eyes. Mother’s voice. Mother’s arms. Mother’s breasts. Mother’s love. MOTHER.

Contrary to what you might think, nesting is a big deal for me. I prepare for months to get things ready for Baby, but I do nurseries differently than most mothers. I prepare the nest in the location where I actually intend to nest.

During the past few months, we redecorated our master bedroom, and it was completed today with the arrival of our two new swivel/rocker recliners. And now for details…

NESTING AREA
~ large bed
~ comfortable chair for mother (Mine is the patterned one.)
~ comfortable chair for father (My husband wanted his in leather which I find too cold.)
~ Baby’s dresser (with a drawer on one end for mother and a drawer on the other end for father)
~ coasters for glasses on each end of the dresser
~ night table
~ lamps

(The flash made the colors a little brighter than they actually are. The reds are darker in real life.)

NURSING CHAIR
~ swivel/rocker recliner
~ My Brest Friend nursing pillow
~ blanket
~ book basket on floor next to chair for reading to older child

SIDE TABLE / NIGHT TABLE
~ tissue box
~ touch lamp (so important for Mother’s panicky concerns for Baby in the night)
~ telephone with the ringer off (I can hear the phone from the kitchen.)
~ intercom where I can call for help when Baby poos all over me or when my throat is so dry that I desperately need water (My family is great to help!) The intercom also doubles as an audio baby monitor when necessary.
~ white noise machine (Thanks, M&C!)
~ place for TWO water glasses (in wooden container where I won’t knock them over during my sleep-deprived nights) (Experience tells me that TWO glasses of water are needed for nursing mothers.)
~ same container also holds remote controls, cream, pens/pencils, notepad
~ phone book in a drawer
~ Bible/books in a drawer
~ notebook in a drawer for my middle-of-the-night inspired writing and list making
~ night light that I can cover/uncover when needed (I prefer darkness, but need to be able to check baby quickly.)
~ diaper change basket (includes diapers, waterproof change pad, tissue box, container with soap, water container)
~ garbage can on floor

FAMILY BED
~ king-sized bed (We downgraded! The biggest we have had in the past was a queen and double side-by-side.)
~ waterproof mattress pad for king-sized bed
~ waterproof change pads for Baby to sleep on (with soft material on one side)
(If Baby’s diapers tend to leak, sleeping on these tend to protect the mattress and save unnecessary work.)
~ king-sized bed is also used for changing wet diapers during the night or naps

GUARD RAIL ON BED
~ extra tall with anchor for king-sized bed
~ has attached case to hold easily accessible diapers, waterproof change pads, receiving blankets, undershirts, my books, etc.

BED NEST
I have never been able to nurse lying down, but I still like to be comfortable in my bed during night feedings, etc.
~ two 12-inch foam wedges
~ at least two pillows (one for my head)
~ My Brest Friend nursing pillow (a substitute for a nursing pillow is a regular pillow folded in half and stuffed to the end of a pillowcase with a knot in the end.)
~ pillow seat (I use a foam medical supply pillow for my sore you-know-what following birth)

FLOOR DIAPER CHANGING AREA
I always thought change tables were ridiculous. I prefer to SIT when I do diapers. I also like the safety factor of a floor changing area which means Baby will NOT roll off when being changed. I can go get more supplies without any concerns.
~ thin foam mattress with crib mattress pad and crib sheet for cover
~ waterproof change pad
~ diaper change basket (includes diapers, waterproof change pad, tissue box, container with soap, water container)
~ jungle gym blanket where we will hang our mobile/toys overhead Baby to entertain Baby and siblings during diaper changes and playtime (not pictured) (Thanks, Grammie and Grampie!)

FLOOR BED
The change area also makes a great floor bed. It is also a very safe place for Baby to sleep when mother has to leave the room and Baby can roll over.
~ thin foam mattress with crib mattress pad and crib sheet for cover
~ blanket to match our king-sized bed blanket

BABY’S DRESSERS
~ waterproof change pads
~ receiving blankets
~ towels/washcloths
~ undershirts (My babies always wore undershirts to bed because sleepers were too warm for them. I like the one-piece style with no snaps or buttons on the chest, but just three snaps at the bottom.)
~ diapers
~ baby toys basket (Baby toys range from 17-years-old to brand new.)
~ blankets
~ bathtub rack liner
~ socks, hats, etc.
~ slings and wraps and carriers (see picture below)

BABY’S CLOTHES (IN MY CLOSET)
It took me five babies to figure out that I should HANG the baby’s clothes on hangers instead of keeping them in a dresser. Hanging them enables you to see the lengths, and Baby won’t grow out of them without wearing them if you can see the sizes.

BABYWEARING NEST
When Baby and Mother are not in the nest described above, Baby still gets to be close to Mother in a carrier/sling/wrap. Here are some of my slings and wraps all washed and ready. I wouldn’t want to count how many carriers/slings I have owned over the years. They are much more important to me than any other article of clothing that I have. I am not a shoe or purse or clothes girl, but definitely a sling girl.

EXTRA THINGS IN THE MASTER BEDROOM
~ definitely a TV with remote controls
~ clock
~ paintings
~ pictures (I have to wait for Baby to get born to get a huge family picture for over the bed)
~ flowers
~ teddy bear

DIAPER BAG
~ my new red leather diaper bag ready for hospital

(The flash made the colors brighter than they are. The reds are darker in real life.)

~ diapers
~ waterproof change pad
~ tissues
~ water bottle
~ soap and container
~ diaper wipes
~ opaque lunch bags with ties for dirty diapers
~ clothes
~ receiving blanket
~ ring sling
~ and more…

Almost 17-Years-Old Going-Home-From-the-Hospital Baby Outfit Worn by All Four of My Children and Ready for #5

That sums up everything I can think of now. When Baby actually arrives, I will no doubt see areas that need to be changed to make things easier. I like things to be practical and efficient. It’s hard to remember everything since it has been six years since I’ve had a baby in the house. AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, everything will soon be MESSY, and I will be embarrassed to show you when you visit. I tend to make people and things look better in pictures.

If you have any suggestions that I would like, please write them in the comments, or send me a note. I love new attachment parenting ideas.

MY SHARING SLEEP NOTES
The following are my personal observations of sharing sleep with my baby.

~ I like to listen to those soft little coos in his sleep.
~ I like to watch him sleep.
~ I like to reach out and pat his back.
~ It is so touching to catch those little sleep smiles, and he sometimes even chuckles out loud in his sleep.
~ I feel secure when I hear his quiet steady breathing, and contented sighs.
~ I know he is safe.
~ However unlikely, I never fear having to go get him if there is a fire or emergency.
~ I like to cover up his little shoulders.
~ I like to be certain he is warm during our Canadian winter nights.
~ I am there to help him regulate his body temperature.
~ I am able to unconsciously teach him to sleep with my body rhythms.
~ If he starts to stir, I can sometimes comfort him back to a deep sleep.
~ Feeding baby couldn’t be easier or more convenient.
~ I am there to massage his tummy to relieve that uncomfortable feeling.
~ I am able to prevent him from completely waking up when his tummy feels empty, thus making it easier to get him back to sleep after nursing.
~ I never have to try to lower him down into a cold crib, desperately hoping not to awaken him.
~ I get more sleep.
~ Sleep sharing extends postpartum infertility.

MY ATTACHMENT PARENTING ESSAYS
William Sears, M.D. and Martha Sears, R.N. are credited with coining the term, attachment parenting, to summarize the following practices:

* Connecting with your baby early.

For more information, read Pregnancy, Natural Childbirth, Birth Comfort.

http://parentingfreedom.com/pregnancy

* Reading and responding to your baby’s cues.

For more information, read Cry it Out, Sleep Training: Is CIO Biblical?

http://parentingfreedom.com/cry-it-0ut

* Breastfeeding your baby.

For more information, read Breastfeeding, Extended Nursing, Spacing Babies.

http://parentingfreedom.com/breastfeeding

* Wearing your baby.

For more information, read Babywearing: Why Should I Carry My Baby?

http://parentingfreedom.com/babywearing

* Sharing sleep with your baby

For more information, read Sleep Sharing, Family Bed: Where Should Baby Sleep?

http://parentingfreedom.com/sleep

DISCLAIMER:
Follow your doctor’s advice and all warning labels for ALL issues regarding your baby.

Category: Baby #6, Homemaking, Journal 2010, Parenting Attachment, Parenting Babywearing, Parenting Breastfeeding, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Pregnancy, Parenting Sleep Sharing | 10 Comments »
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Carol | August 16, 2010

I am looking forward to using the “Dunstan Baby Language” for the first time (in addition to experience and never giving up.) Priscilla Dunstan’s DVD didn’t come out until after my last child was too old.

“Understand the meaning of your baby’s cries.”
neh = hungry, owh = sleepy, heh = discomfort, eair = lower gas, eh = burp
Priscilla Dunstan

Disclaimer: My advice is to keep trying to comfort your baby no matter what. In my experience, breastfeeding fixes most everything.

http://www.dunstanbaby.com/  

Baby Talk

Category: Baby #6, Parenting Attachment, Parenting Breastfeeding, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Fussy Baby, Parenting General | No Comments »
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Carol | August 5, 2010

Dad Gets in the Crib with Kid

Category: Parenting Attachment, Parenting Cry it Out, Parenting Sleep Sharing | No Comments »
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