PARENTING FREEDOM

attachment parenting, homeschooling, gentle discipline
  • .: My Children :.

  • .: Status Updates :.

    Friday, December 21st, 2012 10:23 am

    Hundreds of hurting people visit here every day, most of whom are searching for comfort after loss. Please reach out for emotional support as you begin the healing process. Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to grieve. Let it out. May God be with you.

  • .: Quotes :.

    “Give me four years to teach the children and
    the seed I have sown will never be uprooted...
    Destroy the family, you destroy the country.”
    Vladimir Ilyich Lenin
  • Pastor Found Guilty in Child Abuse Case

    | April 17, 2012

    Black Earth pastor found guilty in child abuse case
    http://host.madison.com/wsj/news/local/crime_and_courts/black-earth-pastor-found-guilty-in-child-abuse-case/article_6ce4663e-7395-11e1-8bf4-001871e3ce6c.html#ixzz1sLqKJ2t0

    “A Black Earth pastor was found guilty Wednesday of eight counts of conspiracy to commit child abuse for advocating the use of wooden rods to spank children as young as two months.”

    “As leader of the church he told other parents, including his own adult children and his brother, how to discipline their children by striking them with wooden spoons and dowels. Using the rod, Caminiti told police, is mandated by the Bible and is intended to correct a child’s behavior if they are exhibiting “selfish” crying.”

    They don’t even need the “rod” verses.

    | March 24, 2012

    Book tells Muslim men how to beat and control their wives
    http://www.torontosun.com/2012/03/23/book-tells-muslim-men-how-to-beat-and-control-their-wives

    “In the book’s opening pages, it is written that ‘it might be necessary to restrain her with strength or even to threaten her.’”

    Later, its author advises that ‘the husband should treat the wife with kindness and love, even if she tends to be stupid and slow sometimes.’

    Page 45 contains the rights of the husband, which include his wife’s inability to leave ‘his house without his permission,’ and that his wife must ‘fulfil his desires’ and ‘not allow herself to be untidy … but should beautify herself for him … ‘

    In terms of physical punishment, the book advises that a husband may scold her, ‘beat by hand or stick,’ withhold money from her or ‘pull (her) by the ears,’ but should ‘refrain from beating her excessively.’

    Update: Eighteen-Month-Old Daughter

    | March 11, 2012

    C1 is now eighteen months old. She continues to provide boundless joy and entertainment for the entire family. Oh, my, she is fun to have around. Someone is always saying, “Do you see what she is doing?” “Awwww, look at her!”

    I heard the toilet flush the other day with the bathroom door open. Strange. Sure enough, it was C1 coming out of the bathroom. (I quickly washed her hands.)

    In addition to the living room furniture, she likes to sit on the kitchen chairs. When she starts to stand up on them, I tell her to, “Sit down”, and she does. I find that her little heart so desires to obey. I was going to make this post just about recording memories of C1, but I am thinking others could benefit from how I see my eighteen-month-old. She is not my enemy. I am here to help her learn and help her develop to her greatest potential. I know all about original sin, but I also know my child. Better than anyone else on earth. There are times (albeit rare at this age) when C1 is doing something that I want her to learn not to do. When I gently correct her with words, she just stops whatever it is and moves on. Sometimes I may be (or she may interpret me to be) overzealous, and she might get sad. Others may see that as being strong-willed or wanting to do her own thing. I believe it is generally because she is disappointed or embarrassed.

    One area which I know can cause stress for some parents is changing a diaper on a toddler who has better things to do. I encourage you to realize you are a big person, and you can be patient and change the diaper without resorting to swatting your child or speaking harshly to her. Instead, just say the words she would say if she could. Say things like, “You want to go play? You want to stop diaper change. It’s yucky. It’s almost done. As soon as you’re dressed you can run.” Speaking for a child who cannot speak is a gift to them.

    C1 is so centered and attached which makes for an easy child, but I hear about other children struggling with temper tantrums, even under the age of two. Tantrums are like a red flag that something is wrong. It tells you to grow up, as a parent, and be a detective. Get to the bottom of the problem. Temper tantrums in a healthy, attached child will be rare. When any of my children have fits, I try to get to the bottom of the problem. I try to help us learn from them as soon as possible, so the problem won’t continue. There are so many easy fixes to an upset child who is under the age of two. Breastfeeding still works like magic, snacks and water, distraction, babywearing, reinforcing the mother/child connection, cuddle/naptime, going outside, reading aloud, playtime, bathtime, TV! ;-) and if these or other things don’t help, then start the path of identifying allergy triggers. There is something wrong. And it’s not because your child is starting to need to be spanked. Discipline: Yes! Punishment: No!! By discipline I mean nurturing, gentle correction, and teaching in the ways the child should go.

    I heard somebody doing the dishes at the kitchen sink, and discovered it was C1 who had dragged a chair over and was playing at the sink. If you give her a snack, she climbs on to a kitchen chair and sits at the table herself. She doesn’t want to crawl up the stairs anymore, but insists on standing and walking while hanging on the railing. Not a good idea. It is almost impossible to get her to turn around and slide down the stairs since she thinks she can just march right down, but we manage to protect her from herself. That is key at this age. It is so important to protect a child from logical consequences when her judgement and abilities have not caught up to what she thinks she can do.

    I am reminded of the ridiculous spank-them-if-they-run-into-the-street practice. What parent, in their right mind, would trust previous spankings alone in protecting their child from deadly traffic?

    C1 likes to fasten any clip buckles she can find – the ones on the highchair, booster seat, and her little bike are always fastened thanks to her. I can never put her in her highchair without having to unfasten the buckle first. She loves to be a helper, especially when emptying or filling the dryer. The floor steamer (seldom used) had made the floor damp, and she had the idea to go to the bathroom closet and bring out two face cloths to wipe up the floor. She takes advantage of little footstools for standing at the bathroom sink or getting on the bed.

    She notices when she is wearing something cute and is quite proud of frilly clothes. She likes to match her big sister. She also loves to find everybody’s hats and footwear and wear them around the house.

    She has mastered quite a few baby signs, and usually uses the words at the same time as she signs. She is great at making up signs and expecting me to understand her. She chatters and her hands go wild using her fingers to point this way and that. For some time now, she grins and cheers when I understand her attempts at communication. During the past month, she conquered nodding her head “Yes” and shaking her head “No” and then last week, she started saying “No, no, no” and “Yes”. She is getting to be quite the little talker as she puts word together like, “Bye Nana”, “Bye Daddy”, and when she wants out of her high chair, “Mommy, stuck.” She attempts to mimic most anything I say. She can clearly say words like ball, baby, book, Mommy, Daddy, cracker, cookie, Cheerios, c’mon, banana, Nana, Papa, more, mess, truck, keys, and so many more than I just can’t think of right now. We were going out on the weekend, and I let her brush her teeth. A while later, I called out to the others to brush their teeth, and she ran to the bathroom, pointing to the cabinet saying “Teeth, teeth.” I said, “But you already brushed your teeth.” She said, “More.” She points “up” at her oldest brother when she wants him to take her upstairs to play. It is hard to resist her charm.

    One game (it’s not like I am a great game organizer HaHa) that we tend to play (usually between nursing sides at bedtime) is when she sits on my lap facing me, and we identify parts of our faces, etc. She knows so many: eyes, nose, ears, hair, head, mouth, teeth, lips, tongue, chin, cheeks, etc. She loves the “Head and Shoulders Knees and Toes” song.

    Her nursing habits are almost identical to her siblings’ at this age, and she has only one short nap each afternoon. She stays up too late, and sleeps in too late, both of which will only become worse when the time changes this weekend.

    She loves TV and the iPod. I thought it might be good to cut back, so that is why she is giving them up for Lent. LOL Her attention span for television is crazy. She points to the remote and says, “TV”. She would like to be read to more often.

    The weather has been great for many days in February/March. She has a fun time playing outside with her brothers and sister, riding in the big Tonka truck and collecting snowballs and sliding.

    C1 is getting a great start in life because we try to avoid conflicts, and we reduce or eliminate the effects of previous conflicts. I have even been able to clear an allergy combination myself with acupressure treatments.

    I remembered the three little yellow vehicles we had in the basement ever since we got hardwood floor upstairs. C10 and L7 scrubbed them with Mr. Clean and brought them up. The wheels have been rolling ever since. C1 was absolutely thrilled, and her driving skills improve by the minute.

    Trucks

    Trucks

    She thinks she is a big kid.

    She, C10, L7 had fun at the movies earlier this week. March Break week had twoonie movies and since we hadn’t seen Chipwrecked, we thought it would be fun to catch it on the big screen. I brought C1′s booster seat (with tray), because I knew this would help her with boundaries. She had a great feast of popcorn, lots of water, and we didn’t have to go out of the theatre once. The only time she got a little antsy was when a little girl kept going up and down the stairs. C1 thought it looked fun, but thankfully, I came up with a distraction, and she forgot about the little girl. C1 has been to a lot of theatre movies in her eighteen months.

    C1 and Markers

    C1 and Markers

    Spanking Women and Children in the News

    | March 8, 2012

    Afghan President Endorses Shocking ‘Code of Conduct’ for Women That Allows Wife-Beating
    http://www.theblaze.com/stories/afghan-president-endorses-shocking-code-of-conduct-for-women-that-allows-wife-beating/

    Spanking and Genetics May Increase Childhood Aggression
    http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/03/120305132250.htm

    “A study co-authored by UT Dallas criminologist Dr. J.C. Barnes shows that the risk of problem behavior during childhood — particularly for boys — is greatly increased if children have genetic predispositions for these behaviors and if they are spanked by their parents…”

    “‘Males who were spanked and had the highest genetic risks displayed the most aggressive behavior compared to other males.’”

    I can totally understand the male/female difference in responding to spanking. If they studied further, I would bet that the women grow up to be abused by men.

    Inspired by Andrew Breitbart’s Courage

    | March 2, 2012

    I haven’t been this affected by a death in quite some time. I feel so sad. There are so very few leaders on our side.

    I remember Breitbart telling the audience at CPAC that he was so busy talking and sharing with people that he didn’t take time to shower and clean up before his speech (which would be available for millions to see on the internet). That showed me his passion and his priorities.

    I found this family photo online which was taken a few years ago. May God comfort and provide for his dear family.

    I was so looking forward to Breitbart’s leadership during this election season. What a terrible loss. I watched many of the tributes to him today, with everyone mentioning his powerful courage and enthusiasm.

    Jonah Goldberg pointed out that Breitbart “truly loved the fight … One of his favorite pastimes was to retweet all of the hate that people threw at him because he considered it a badge of honor.”

    When nasty comments are directed at me, I give them little consideration in order to protect myself. Maybe the next time somebody tells me I’m going to hell because I don’t beat my kids, I’ll collect it under a category called “Badge of Honor”. Maybe the next time I am mocked with filthy disdain for having and homeschooling five children, I’ll consider it a pat on the back.

    Of all the wonderful comments by all of the great conservative leaders, I found these words by Congressman Louie Gohmert to be among the most touching, especially the ending.

    Rep. Louie Gohmert Pays Tribute to Andrew Breitbart

    “Thank you dear God, for the gift of Andrew Breitbart. We wish we could have kept him longer, but thank you for this marvelous gift.”

    That’s also a good way to look at my baby whom I lost before birth.

    I think Breitbart’s legacy will be one that inspires courage and passion. I think the thousands who have been touched by his life and saddened by his death will stand up for the truth. We will stand a little straighter, and a little taller – a little louder, and a little stronger.

    Onward, Christian soldiers, marching as to WAR…

    Exposing Cultic Religious Brainwashing

    | February 16, 2012

    A reader shared some of her experiences with me recently. It is published with permission.

    “…I had a horrible experience a few years back when I got involved with a group at my church, many of whom were homeschoolers. My oldest was a toddler then and I was considering it. As I got more involved with them I started hearing things about Growing Kids and the Pearls. I had never heard of them. Then slowly over time I found out how horrific these sweet seeming people really were. They had done a large order of things they called “whackers” for beating their kids. They had done a coop preschool when their kids were little where they set all the 2 and 3 year old in chairs and beat them by their legs until they learned to sit still. They had hit their babies when they just started to crawl to teach them to stay on a blanket. On and on the revelations went and my husband and I were just horrified. These people seemed so nice! They seemed like involved loving parents on the outside.”

    “…Another thing many of them did that the Pearls recommend is they kept a piece of that plastic string from a weed whacker in their pockets to beat their kids across the legs when they were out somewhere or in the car…”

    “The worst story was a woman I considered to be a close friend. Her 2ish year old daughter didn’t like meatloaf. She made her sit at the table for hours in front of that meatloaf and the girl wouldn’t eat it. She kept gagging on it when she tried. The mom refrigerated it and offered it to her every single meal for 3 more days and refused to feed her anything else until she ate that nasty old probably food poisoned meatloaf. This had happened before I knew the woman and it was told to me by another friend who was similarly disturbed by it. That same woman told me in exasperation one day that she got so angry she bowled her toddler boy down their very long hall and he hit the wall at the other end.”

    “The despicable thing is that these people act really sweet and nice and their kids seem happy because they are beaten into compliance and putting on an act…”

    “…I really hate it when people say that they know the Pearls or Ezzo have bad things in their books but you have “separate the wheat from the chaff” or you have to “find the parts that minister to you” and ignore the rest. That’s like saying you have to separate the wheat from the chaff with Hitler or Fidel Castro! After all you might be able to say Hitler had some good ideas like a chicken in every pot, if you just ignore that whole holocaust thing. Ugh. Evil is evil and you can’t entertain evil and just ignore the parts you don’t like…”

    These parents believe God requires them to FORCE their children to obey using violence. Beating your children into perfection defies the purpose of Christ’s sacrifice.

    For more on this topic, choose from the following:
    Essay ~ Bible Verses ~ Quotes ~ Blog Posts ~ Books

    Father Knows Best Backfires

    | February 16, 2012

    Authoritarian Behaviour Leads to Insecure People, Spanish Study Finds
    http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/10/101021090153.htm

    “According to the expert, imposed discipline systems, such as punishments, deprivation and strict rules, which try to force children do things, have a knock-on effect on family self-esteem, and are associated with incomplete emotional development and a certain level of resentment towards the family, even if they are applied by parents who have very cordial relationships with their children.”

    Controlling Parents More Likely to Have Delinquent Children
    http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/02/120210105901.htm?+Brain+News%29

    “Authoritarian parents whose child-rearing style can be summed up as ‘it’s my way or the highway’ are more likely to raise disrespectful, delinquent children who do not see them as legitimate authority figures than authoritative parents who listen to their children and gain their respect and trust.”

    We’re Not in Kansas Anymore. It’s An Abortion World.

    | February 16, 2012

    A suffering
    http://www.jillstanek.com/2012/02/a-suffering/

    “Out on the sidewalk Donna and I had spoken to a woman for over 20 minutes and she agreed with everything we said. She agreed the unborn baby was human, and that the baby had a right to live. She even agreed that abortion was a sin, but in the end she went into the clinic… I was gripped by a realization. I thought, ‘I’m not living in a normal world anymore.’” Monica Miller

    I can so relate to this article. This realization is probably the most disturbing thing about our time. People no longer have a value system. They have no moral code to strive toward or live by. Regarding abortion, they know it’s a baby, but they choose abortion anyway.

    And they are not willing to consider any other point of view.

    I had a letter from a mother the other day about spanking, and she said, “I will not now or ever agree with your way of thinking.” It is so sad to see others not open to learning and being moved by the Holy Spirit.

    “But whoever shall offend one of these little ones who believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” Matthew 18:6

    It is proving true that morals and values don’t matter outside of Christianity.

    Spanking’s Popularity and The Abortion Mentality

    | February 11, 2012

    SUN NEWS, an alternative to the leftist and state-run Canadian media, had a poll the other day on spanking. When I voted, 94% of the people were in favor of keeping spanking legal. I thought, “Wow…. :-( That is exactly why abortion exists in this country!” The cavalier attitude about the need to “smack-that-kid” was truly shocking in the audience’s Facebook comments about the poll… I am always amazed by those who pretend that spanking is not common in our society, and that they think our social problems are because kids aren’t beaten enough these days. I know very, very few people who have never spanked or have never been beaten.

    Many years ago, I read Alice Miller’s books and although she did not even mention this, I was inspired to draw the connection between spanking and abortion. It is not so much the pro-aborts that are the problem. They have been clearly wounded. It is the people who think they are pro-life, but still have the deep-down desire to punish and beat children. I believe that comes from how they were treated as children, as well as religious brain-washing.

    If I could get my act together and be given the inspiration, I would like to write a book on this subject. If any of you understand the profound connection between spanking and abortion, then I encourage you to research and share your material with the world.

    I felt déjà vu while posting the following video:

    Spanking is Counterproductive and Dangerous

    The roots of violence are NOT unknown

    The roots of violence

    http://www.alice-miller.com

    Hodge Podge of Parenting Links

    | February 11, 2012

    The links are starting to pile up, so I will just put all the parenting related ones here with little or no commentary.

    Study: Breastfeeding Strengthens Children’s Lungs
    http://old.news.yahoo.com/s/ac/20120205/hl_ac/10928478_study_breastfeeding_strengthens_childrens_lungs

    “…Breastfeeding strengthens children’s lungs, even if the mother has asthma.”

    That’s because the breastfeeding child will be more attached, more with the mother, and as a result will likely have fewer scare conflicts. GNM says scare conflicts/frights affect the lungs.

    Skip the Strained Peas. Let Babies Feed Themselves
    http://healthland.time.com/2012/02/10/skip-the-strained-peas-let-babies-feed-themselves/#ixzz1m5f5qXWZ

    “Babies who learn to feed themselves early on may develop healthier eating habits and be less likely to become overweight.”

    YEP! Did this with all five babies.

    Suffer little children: US evangelicals are twisting the Bible to say that beating the young is a Christian doctrine
    http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2006/jun/08/comment.usa1

    “The Pearls believe that salvation only comes through punishment and pain. God punishes his Son with crucifixion so that humanity might not have to face the Father’s anger. This image of God the father, for whom violence is an expression of tough love, is lodged deep in the evangelical imagination. And it twists a religion of forgiveness and compassion into something dark and cruel… What Jesus said about those who would harm children comes inevitably to mind: ‘It would be better for them if a millstone was hanged about their neck, and that they were drowned in the depth of the sea.’”

    Mom’s Love Good for Child’s Brain
    http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/01/120130170147.htm

    “School-age children whose mothers nurtured them early in life have brains with a larger hippocampus, a key structure important to learning, memory and response to stress…”

    How Pregnancy Changes a Woman’s Brain
    http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/12/111221140633.htm

    “Research suggests that the reproductive hormones may ready a woman’s brain for the demands of motherhood — helping her becomes less rattled by stress and more attuned to her baby’s needs. Although the hypothesis remains untested, Glynn surmises this might be why moms wake up when the baby stirs while dads snore on…”

    “Fetal movement, even when the mother is unaware of it, raises her heart rate and her skin conductivity, signals of emotion — and perhaps of pre-natal preparation for mother-child bonding.”

    Few Allergies in Unstressed Babies, Swedish Researchers Find
    http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/12/111212092747.htm

    ABSOLUTELY! That’s what allergies are about! They are caused by conflicts. Anything in your environment when you experience a conflict can go on to be an allergy trigger.

    Maternal Separation Stresses the Baby, Research Finds
    http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/11/111102124955.htm

    “Humans are the only mammals who practice such maternal-neonate separation, but its physiological impact on the baby has been unknown until now. Researchers measured heart rate variability in 2-day-old sleeping babies for one hour each during skin-to-skin contact with mother and alone in a cot next to mother’s bed. Neonatal autonomic activity was 176% higher and quiet sleep 86% lower during maternal separation compared to skin-to-skin contact.”

    Be a mother and comfort your child. PLEASE!

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