I was severely disciplined with spanking as a child, and it had longlasting negative emotional effects (depression and anger and authority issues, mostly). I also feel that this harsh childrearing (by loving and well meaning parents, no less) directly contributed to boundaries issues I had. In my early twenties this led to unhealthy relationships with friends filled with drama and manipulation. It also directly led to an abusive marriage. While my exhusband did not hit me, the boundaries issues led to severe verbal and emotional abuse, and eventually threats to physically harm me (this ended the marriage).

In my twenties, I always said that I would NEVER spank my kids. While watching my sister raise her children, and being exposed to the glut of extreme right fundamentalist parenting lit out there, I had my doubts, however, about the biblicalness of not spanking. Also, I saw how hard it was for my sister to parent her boy through a very tough tantrum phase where he was extremely defiant. She had had a general no spanking policy herself (due to our childhood) until his defiance got the better of both of us.

However, two things have convinced me that I will not and can not spank my child. First, watching my rage when confronted by my nephew’s naughtiness reminds me of the deep well of pain from my own childhood.

And this article has been key for me for exposing the unbiblicalness of spanking. Thank you thank you again for confirming what my heart feels.