Christian Child Discipline: Is Spanking Biblical? - Verses and Quotes

Essay: http://parentingfreedom.com/discipline/

‘Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’ Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.
Matthew 22:36-40 NIV

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit–fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other.
John 15:12-17 NIV

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:1-8 NIV

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.
Colossians 3:12-17

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
1 John 4:18 NIV

What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a whip (KJV says rod), or in love and with a gentle spirit?
1 Corinthians 4:21 NIV

At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, ‘Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?’ He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: ‘I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.’
Matthew 18:1-5 NIV

He took a little child and had him stand among them. Taking him in his arms, he said to them, ‘Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.’
Mark 9:36, 37 NIV

An argument started among the disciples as to which of them would be the greatest. Jesus, knowing their thoughts, took a little child and had him stand beside him. Then he said to them, ‘Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. For he who is least among you all–he is the greatest.’
Luke 9:46-48 NIV

Then little children were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked those who brought them. Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.’ When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there.
Matthew 19:13,14 NIV

People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.’ And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.
Mark 10:13-16 NIV

People were also bringing babies to Jesus to have him touch them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to him and said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.’
Luke 18:15-17 NIV

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.
Titus 2:3-5 NIV

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Proverbs 22:6 NIV

A little child will lead them.
Isaiah 11:6 NIV

At that time Jesus said, ‘I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children.’
Matthew 11:25 NIV

For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.
Mark 10:45 NIV

But we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children.
1 Thessalonians 2:7 NIV

As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.
Isaiah 66:13 NIV

As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him.
Psalm 103:13 NIV

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
1 Colossians 3:20 NIV

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4 NIV

Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
Colossians 3:21 NIV

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
Ephesians 4:2 NIV

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1 NIV

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:17-21 NIV

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.
James 1:19, 20 NIV

Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.
Romans 12:15 KJV

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. The servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.
Matthew 18:21-35 NIV

Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’ Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’ They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ He will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.
Matthew 25:34-46 NIV

Now you, if you call yourself a Jew (or Christian); if you rely on the law and brag about your relationship to God; if you know his will and approve of what is superior because you are instructed by the law; if you are convinced that you are a guide for the blind, a light for those who are in the dark, an instructor of the foolish, a teacher of infants, because you have in the law the embodiment of knowledge and truth– you, then, who teach others, do you not teach yourself? You who preach against stealing, do you steal? You who say that people should not commit adultery, do you commit adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob temples? You who brag about the law, do you dishonor God by breaking the law? As it is written: ‘God’s name is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you.’
Romans 2:17-23 NIV

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load. Anyone who receives instruction in the word must share all good things with his instructor.
Galatians 6:1-6 NIV

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
Matthew 7:12 NIV

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Luke 6:37,38 NIV

But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, ‘Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?’ They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, ‘If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.’ Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, ‘Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?’ ‘No one, sir,’ she said. ‘Then neither do I condemn you,’ Jesus declared. ‘Go now and leave your life of sin.’
John 8: 1-11

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.’
Galations 6:1,2 NIV

And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, ‘Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!’ So God granted him what he requested.
1 Chronicles 4:10 NKJV

“Our children may not remember anything we have said to them as children, but they will never forget how we made them feel.”
Author Unknown

“In many, if not most cases of ‘bad behavior,’ the child is responding to neglect of basic needs: proper sleep and nutrition, treatment of hidden allergies, fresh air, exercise, freedom to explore the world around him, etc. But his greatest need is for his parents’ undivided attention. In these busy times, few children receive sufficient time and attention from their parents, who are often too tired and distracted to treat their children with patience and understanding. Punishing a child for responding in a natural way to having had important needs neglected is really unfair.”
Jan Hunt

Our favorite problem solving technique is an idea we got from the book Emotional Intelligence. We made it into a small traffic light sign that we keep on the walls in various rooms of the house. If we are not too lazy, we call “red light” when we see or hear conflict, and we go through these steps:

STOP
Calm down.
Think before you act.

Say the problem.
Say how you feel.
Set a positive goal.
Think of lots of solutions.
Think ahead to the consequences.

GO ahead.
Try the best plan.

“No social problem is as universal as the oppression of the child… No slave was ever so much the property of his master as the child is of his parent… Never were the rights of man ever so disregarded as in the case of the child…”
Maria Montessori

“I found one day in school a boy of medium size ill-treating a smaller boy. I expostulated, but he replied: ‘The bigs hit me, so I hit the babies; that’s fair.’ In these words he epitomized the history of the human race.”
Bertrand Russell

“And because I am happy, and dance and sing.
They think they have done me no injury…”
William Blake

“Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened.”
Winston Churchhill

“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.”
Goethe

“How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these.”
George Washington Carver

“If we are ever to turn toward a kindlier society and a safer world, a revulsion against the physical punishment of children would be a good place to start.”
Dr. Benjamin Spock

“When you want to convert a man (or child) to your view, you go over to where he is standing, take him by the hand and guide him. You don’t stand across the room and shout at him; you don’t call him a dummy; you don’t order him to come over to where you are. You start where he is, and work from that position. That’s the only way to get him to budge.”
Thomas Aquinas

“Spanking does not teach inner conviction. It teaches fear, deviousness, lying and aggression.”
Dorothy Corkhill Briggs

“Some people find the memory of [being physically punished] so unpleasant they pretend that they were trivial, even funny. You’ll notice that they smile when they describe what was done to them. It is shame, not pleasure, that makes them smile. As a protection against present pain, they disguise the memory of past feelings. In an attempt to deny or minimize the dangers of spanking, many spankers have been heard to argue, ‘Spanking is very different from child abuse,’ or ‘A little smack on the bottom never did anybody any harm.’ But they are wrong … [Most] victims of food poisoning recover with no apparent, lasting ill effects. But who needs it? The mere fact that the person is likely to survive is hardly proof that the experience is beneficial.”
Jordan Riak, director, PTAVE

“As long as the child will be trained not by love, but by fear, so long will humanity live not by justice, but by force. As long as the child will be ruled by the educator’s threat and by the father’s rod, so long will mankind be dominated by the policeman’s club, by fear of jail, and by panic of invasion by armies and navies.”
Boris Sidis, Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 1919

“There never was a time when a major social problem was solved by beating a child. And there never will be such a time… For centuries adults have injured children and have lied about it, and other adults have heard those lies and then merely turned away… we must begin putting the blame where it belongs.”
C. Everett Koop, M.D., Sc. D., Surgeon General of the U.S.

“If we are to attain real peace in this world, we will have to begin with the children.”
Gandhi

“Society chooses to disregard the mistreatment of children, judging it to be altogether normal because it is so commonplace.”
Alice Miller

“It is my pleasure that my children are free and happy, and unrestrained by parental tyranny. Love is the chain whereby to bind a child to its parents.”
Abraham Lincoln

“The biggest disease this world suffers from is people feeling unloved.”
Lady Diana Frances Spencer, Princess of Wales

“The greatest crime against humanity is the torture and mutilation of children.”
James Prescott, Ph.D.

“We have a cultural notion that if children were not engineered, if we did not manipulate them, they would grow up as beasts in the field. This is the wildest fallacy in the world.”
Joseph Chilton Pearce

“Connection before direction.”
Hold on to Your Kids

“When attachment runs deep and strong, the parent’s wish is the child’s command.”
Hold on to Your Kids p. 91

“We do not need greater force to bring our children into line but more natural attachment power.”
Hold on to Your Kids p. 102

The following is from the end of the book, Prince Caspian, when Aslan (and Lucy and Susan) moved through the village. “At a well in a yard they met a man who was beating a boy. The stick burst into flower in the man’s hand. He tried to drop it, but it stuck to his hand. His arm became a branch, his body the trunk of a tree, his feet took root. The boy, who had been crying a moment before, burst out laughing and joined them.”
C.S. Lewis

Jonathan Edwards’ Parenting
“She had an excellent way of governing her children; she knew how to make them regard and obey her cheerfully, without loud angry words, much less heavy blows… If any correction was necessary, she did not administer it in a passion; and when she had occasion to reprove and rebuke she would do it in few words, without warmth [that is, vehemence] and noise…
Her system of discipline was begun at a very early age and it was her rule to resist the first, as well as every subsequent exhibition of temper or disobedience in the child… wisely reflecting that until a child will obey his parents he can never be brought to obey God.”
Noel Piper’s book, Faithful Women and Their Extraordinary God p.24, quoting from Elizabeth Dodds book, Marriage to a Difficult Man.

“Connected parenting is evangelistic in the truest sense of the word. If we treat our children with the respect they deserve because they are created in the image and likeness of God and if we meet them with the gentle love of the Blessed Mother, we reach them for Christ.”
Elizabeth Foss

“We have so very many ready opportunities to offer a cup of water to the least of these! How many opportunities we have daily to let the little children come to Him!”
Elizabeth Foss

“Done prayerfully and with grace, connected parenting is truly a living spirituality!”
Elizabeth Foss

“This style of parenting drives us to our knees and so brings us closer to heaven. It forces us to die to self again and again to meet the needs of God’s little creatures. It’s immediately easier to shout and/or hit and abuse our authority to put out the fires of our day. We can stop the behavior through fear and punishment. But that doesn’t really require any heroic, saintly effort on our part, does it? Ultimately, it destroys the relationship with the child and it becomes for us the occasion of sin.”
Elizabeth Foss

“In order to parent effectively, we have to grow. We have to change and mature. We have to meet children where they are and lead them somewhere better. We can’t do that without relying heavily on God’s grace…”
Elizabeth Foss

1. “Recognize that your children are miniature versions of yourself. Learn to think in terms of Adam and Christ, sin and grace. That itself will help you realize why God has given you the command not to exasperate your children (Eph. 4:4).”
Sinclair Ferguson

2. “In bringing up your children, do not commit child-idolatry (in which the one commandment is “never say no”) or self-idolatry (”he/she will reflect my glory”). Rather, by God’s promised grace, parent a sinner into sainthood.”
Sinclair Ferguson

3. “Take seriously the promise of God’s Word that He will be your God and the God of your children. But if you believe in infant baptism, do not make the mistake of presuming that covenant children do not need to repent and believe the Gospel. For in baptism we recognize the need of the washing of regeneration and place our children under a life-long covenant responsibility to repent of sin and to believe in Christ.”
Sinclair Ferguson

4. “In times when there is grievous sin, never forget that there is more grace in Christ than there is sin in your heart and your child’s heart combined. In Christ there is a way back from the far country of a life style even for children who have given full expression to heart depravity. So Monica discovered after years of praying for her son, Augustine.”
Sinclair Ferguson

Wouldn’t Augustine’s upbringing have more than a little to do with causing a wayward child?

http://nospank.net/agstine.htm

The following excerpts are from Confessions, Chapter IX, Book One (A.D. 398)

“O my God! What miseries and mockeries did I then experience when it was impressed on me that obedience to my teachers was proper to my boyhood estate if I was to flourish in this world and distinguish myself in those tricks of speech which would gain honor for me among men, and deceitful riches! To this end I was sent to school to get learning, the value of which I knew not–wretch that I was. Yet if I was slow to learn, I was flogged. For this was deemed praiseworthy by our forefathers and many had passed before us in the same course, and thus had built up the precedent for the sorrowful road on which we too were compelled to travel, multiplying labor and sorrow upon the sons of Adam. About this time, O Lord, I observed men praying to thee, and I learned from them to conceive thee–after my capacity for understanding as it was then–to be some great Being, who, though not visible to our senses, was able to hear and help us. Thus as a boy I began to pray to thee, my Help and my Refuge, and, in calling on thee, broke the bands of my tongue. Small as I was, I prayed with no slight earnestness that I might not be beaten at school. And when thou didst not heed me–for that would have been giving me over to my folly–my elders and even my parents too, who wished me no ill, treated my stripes as a joke, though they were then a great and grievous ill to me.”
Augustine

“Is there anyone, O Lord, with a spirit so great, who cleaves to thee with such steadfast affection (or is there even a kind of obtuseness that has the same effect)–is there any man who, by cleaving devoutly to thee, is endowed with so great a courage that he can regard indifferently those racks and hooks and other torture weapons from which men throughout the world pray so fervently to be spared; and can they scorn those who so greatly fear these torments, just as my parents were amused at the torments with which our teachers punished us boys? For we were no less afraid of our pains, nor did we beseech thee less to escape them. Yet, even so, we were sinning by writing or reading or studying less than our assigned lessons.”
Augustine

“For I did not, O Lord, lack memory or capacity, for, by thy will, I possessed enough for my age. However, my mind was absorbed only in play, and I was punished for this by those who were doing the same things themselves. But the idling of our elders is called business; the idling of boys, though quite like it, is punished by those same elders, and no one pities either the boys or the men. For will any common sense observer agree that I was rightly punished as a boy for playing ball–just because this hindered me from learning more quickly those lessons by means of which, as a man, I could play at more shameful games? And did he by whom I was beaten do anything different? When he was worsted in some small controversy with a fellow teacher, he was more tormented by anger and envy than I was when beaten by a playmate in the ball game.”
Confessions, Chapter IX, Book One (A.D. 398)

The following quote is from a review about the book The Child in Christian Thought.

The volume includes two additional studies on theologians who, although they hold quite pessimistic views on the nature of children, do not endorse physical discipline: the Reformer John Calvin and the 18th-century American Calvinist Jonathan Edwards. Barbara Pitkin writes that “Calvin himself appears not to have advocated the use of physical force in response to sin in children; though he recognized the need for parental discipline, his explicit remedies were baptism and education (albeit strict and structural) into faith and morality.”

http://www.religion-online.org/showarticle.asp?title=2178

The following questions and answers are from the Westminster Larger Catechism (1648).

Q. 129. What is required of superiors towards their inferiors?

A. It is required of superiors, according to that power they receive from God, and that relation wherein they stand, to love, pray for, and bless their inferiors; to instruct, counsel, and admonish them; countenancing, commending, and rewarding such as do well; and discountenancing, reproving, and chastising such as do ill; protecting, and providing for them all things necessary for soul and body: and by grave, wise, holy, and exemplary carriage, to procure glory to God, honour to themselves, and so to preserve that authority which God hath put upon them.

Q. 130. What are the sins of superiors?

A. The sins of superiors are, besides the neglect of the duties required of them, and inordinate seeking of themselves, their own glory, ease, profit, or pleasure; commanding things unlawful, or not in the power of inferiors to perform; counseling, encouraging, or favouring them in that which is evil; dissuading, discouraging, or discountenancing them in that which is good; correcting them unduly; careless exposing, or leaving them to wrong, temptation, and danger; provoking them to wrath; or any way dishonouring themselves, or lessening their authority, by an unjust, indiscreet, rigorous, or remiss behaviour.

The following quotes are from Alice Miller, in her book The Truth Will Set You Free. Please be advised that the book is not written from a Christian perspective.

“Would it not make sense to encourage believers to follow the example of Mary and Joseph and regard their children as the children of God (which in a sense they are) rather than treating them as their own personal property? The image of God entertained by children who have received love is a mirror of their very first experiences. Their God will understand, encourage, explain, pass on knowledge, and be tolerant of mistakes. He will never punish them for their curiosity, suffocate their creativity, seduce them, give them incomprehensible commands, or strike fear into their hearts. Jesus, who in Joseph, had just such a father, preached precisely those virtues.”
Alice Miller

“With the best will in the world, we cannot truly emulate the example of Jesus. None of us were carried by our mothers as the child of God; indeed for far too many parents, children are merely a burden. What we can do, provided we really want to, is learn from the attitude displayed by Joseph and Mary. They did not demand docility from their son, and they felt no urge to inflict violence on him. Only if we fear the confrontation with our own histories will we need to have power over others and cling to it with all our might. And if we do that it is because we feel too weak to be true to ourselves and our own feelings. But being honest to our children will make us strong. In order to tell the truth we do not need to have power over others. Power is something we only need in order to spread lies and hypocrisy; to mouth empty words and pretend they are true.”
Alice Miller

“Even those who sincerely champion the cause of goodness are often inclined to defend the system in which they have grown up, still thinking that the blows they received were necessary and beneficial. The fact that not one theologian (with the exception of Comenius) has ever spoken out against physical “correction” for children shows that this practice has long been part of the childhood experience. Two thousand years after Christ, we can in fact say that his teachings have yet to find their way into the church.”
Alice Miller

We found the following comments about Comenius’ beliefs.

“To begin with he saw children through Christ’s eyes: precious gifts from God to be cherished rather than annoyances to be suppressed. Children will be joint heirs of Christ just as much as their Christian parents. Someday they will rule in the Kingdom of God and judge the very devils. However unimportant they now seem, they are actually of inestimable importance. Therefore children are to be treated as if more precious than gold. They should be showered with love. Never should children be punished for failing but rather helped and encouraged.”

“Comenius reminded parents that children are God’s most precious gift, a treasure beyond calculation. After all, when God teaches us of his love does He call us His children as if there were no more excellent name by which to allure us? Did not Christ come to us as a child? Could not God have made all of the people he wanted at once, as apparently he did with the angels? But God honored us by letting us share in the process of multiplying and extending humanity. There is nothing more important in our lives and more deserving of our diligent attention and instruction than our children, according to Comenius.”

http://www.gospelcom.net/chi/GLIMPSEF/Glimpses/glmps033.shtml

“Comenius is commonly called the “Father of Modern Education.” Next to Jesus, he might just be the best friend and teacher that children ever had. But his contributions, just hinted at here, go far beyond education. He saw enough war and bloodshed to teach that nations needed an alternative to war to settle disputes. He agonized over the bitter fights among Christians and showed how the Body of Christ can maintain unity in the midst of diversity. The world and the church still have not caught up to him in some of these critical areas.”

The book, Nurturing Children in the Lord by Dr. Jack Fenemma, was published by the Presbyterian and Reformed Publishing Company back in 1977. Dr. Fenemma does not say that the Bible forbids spanking, but he does say the original text makes the use of spanking uncertain. Regarding the rod verses, he wrote,

“There is no doubt that these references support the directive stated many times in Scripture that parents are to correct their children from wrongdoing. The use of the word “rod” certainly indicates that nurture and discipline are to take place. But whether the use of the word rod also indicates that the form of correction is to be a spanking is less certain. There are a few cautionary notes that one should make before establishing that as a rigid conclusion.”
Jack Fennema

“First, the Book of Proverbs is written in the form of Hebrew poetry, a form that often uses vivid imagery. In other Old Testament books there are uses of “shebet”, the Hebrew word for “rod”, which obviously calls for a symbolic interpretation of the rod:

“Oh, Assyria, the rod of my anger, the staff of my fury! (Isa. 10:5)”

“…and he shall smite the earth with the rod of his mouth… (Isa 11:4)”

“I am the man who has seen affliction under the rod of his wrath. (Lam. 3:1)”

“Usually one would look to the context for a clearer understanding of a word, but the Book of Proverbs provides no such context for the use of the word “rod”. For the most part, the individual proverbs stand alone, unrelated to those which precede and follow. One must be cautious, then, about translating these references to the word rod as commands to physically correct a child. They are, indeed, commands to chasten or redirect him, but to be more specific than that is to read into the texts that which is not necessarily there.”
Jack Fennema

“Secondly, all references to using the rod on children are found in the Old Testament. The Greek word for rod, “rhabdos”, is used eleven times in the New Testament and never to command the physical correction of the spanking of children. Indeed, “rhabdos” is used very meaningfully in 1 Corinthians 4:21, where it obviously symbolizes chastening as a general directive to follow rather than as a specific endorsement of spanking.”
Jack Fennema

“While Proverbs does instruct, then, that correction must be exercised, it gives no clear command as to how it should be done. On the whole, the Bible teaches that genuine chastening or correction is that which attempts to return the person to the proper way of life.”
Jack Fennema

The following quotes are from Crossway Books Classic Commentaries, page 189, regarding Romans 6:12-23.

“As no man is free from sin, as no man can perfectly keep the commandments of God, every man who rests on his personal conformity to the law as the basis of his acceptance with God must be condemned. We are not under the law in this sense, but under grace–that is, a system of free justification. We are justified by grace, without works.”
Charles Hodge

“We are not under a legal dispensation, requiring personal conformity to the law and entire freedom from sin, past and present, as the condition of our acceptance; but we are under a gracious dispensation, according to which God dispenses pardon freely and accepts the sinner as a sinner, for Christ’s sake, without works or merit of his own. Whoever is under the law, in the sense just explained, is not only condemned, but he is bound by a legal or slavish spirit. What he does, he does as a slave, to escape punishment. But he who is under grace, who is freely accepted by God and restored to his favor, is a child of God living under his Spirit. The principle of obeying him is love and not fear.”
Charles Hodge

“Here, as everywhere else in the Bible, it is assumed that the favor of God is in our life. We must be reconciled to Him before we can be holy: we must feel that He loves us before we can love Him.”
Charles Hodge

“George promised to be good. But it is easy for little monkeys to forget.”
Curious George by Margaret and H.A. Rey

“It is said that the children of parents who are most strict in exacting obedience often turn out ill; and that orphans and other poor waifs brought up under strict discipline only wait their opportunity to break out into license.”
Charlotte Mason

“Exactly so; because, in these cases, there is no gradual training of the child in the habit of obedience; no gradual enlisting of his will on the side of sweet service and a free-will offering of submission to the highest law: the poor children are simply bullied into submission to the will, that is, the wilfulness, of another; not at all, ‘for it is right’, only because it is convenient.”
Charlotte Mason

“There is no need to rate the child, or threaten him, or use any manner of violence, because the parent is invested with the authority which the child intuitively recognises. It is enough to say, ‘Do this,’ in a quiet, authoritative tone, and expect it to be done. The mother often loses her hold over her children because they detect in the tone of her voice that she does not expect them to obey her behests; she does not think enough of her position; has not sufficient confidence in her own authority.”
Charlotte Mason

“Childhood is a constant rebuke to our failure to be like God. It is a universal witness to the heart of Christ in the world. Little children are God’s ongoing witness of His kingdom: a perpetual reminder of what it means to belong to the father. Children are an unspoken sermon in every home for simplicity, joy, and humility of that which makes the world worth living in. They remind us what it means to be a real Christian.”
Winkie Pratney

“The much-touted ‘biblical argument’ in support of corporal punishment is founded upon proof-texting a few isolated passages from Proverbs. Using the same method of selective scripture reading, one could also cite the Bible as an authority for the practice of slavery, adultery, polygamy, incest, suppression of women, executing people who eat pork, and infanticide. The brutal and vindictive practice of corporal punishment cannot be reconciled with the major New Testament themes that teach love and forgiveness and a respect for the sacredness and dignity of children—and which overwhelmingly reject violence and retribution as a means of solving human problems. Would Jesus ever hit a child? NEVER!”
Rev. Thomas E. Sagendorf

“I have always been an advocate for the total abolition of corporal punishment and I believe the connection with pornography that is so oriented has its roots in our tradition of beating children.”
Pastor Gordon Moyes

“Children ought to be led to honorable practices by means of encouragement and reasoning, and most certainly not by blows and ill treatment.”
Plutarch, circa 46-120 A.D., “The Education of Children,” Vol. I, Moralia, Ancient Greece.

“It is a disgusting and slavish treatment… When children are beaten, pain or fear frequently have the result of which it is not pleasant to speak and which are likely subsequently to be a source of shame, shame which unnerves and depresses the mind and leads the child to shun the light of day and loathe the light… I will spend no longer time on this matter. We know enough about it already.”
Quintilian, circa 40-118 A.D., Institutes of Oratory, Ancient Rome

The author of When Children became People; The Birth of Childhood in Early Christianity quotes a text written in the middle of the third century by the Christian community in Syria.

“The Didascalia goes even further in emphasizing the obligation to raise one’s children in accordance with Christian ideals. It was composed in Syria in the first half of the third century and combines a church order and pastoral exhortations. The fact that it devotes an entire chapter (though one that is relatively brief) to the upbringing of children makes it the most detailed discussion of the subject in the Christian tradition up to that date. The author underscores that if parents neglect to correct their children, their children will imitate the evil actions of the pagans. Much is at stake here, and this is why the author admonishes parents not to be slow to ‘rebuke and correct and teach them; for you will not kill them by chastising them, but rather save them alive.’ He writes that such a practice is in keeping with the doctrine of the Lord, and adduces as scriptural proof Proverbs 23:14 (’Chasten thy son, that there may be hope for him: for thou shalt strike him with a rod, and deliver soul from Sheol.’) and 13:24 (’Whosoever spareth his rod, hateth his son’). The ‘rod’ in these texts is not understood literally, but as a metaphor for the Word of God, Jesus Christ; the author draws the conclusion that anyone ‘who spares to speak a word of rebuke to his son, hates his son.’” (Pg. 158)

“Utopianism is also harmful in the parent-child relationship. When a parent demands more from his child than the child is capable of giving, the parent destroys him as well as alienates him. If we demand, in any of our relationships, either perfection or nothing, we will get nothing.”
Francis Schaeffer, p. 28-32 No Little People

“Monkey see and monkey do. The monkey does the same as you.”