Sleep Sharing, Family Bed: Where Should Baby Sleep?

Sharing Sleep

It doesn’t take long to learn that being a parent of a small child is a 24-hour a day job. You can choose to turn it into a rewarding and joyful experience, even between midnight and 6 A.M. Nighttime parenting practices such as breastfeeding and having your baby share your bed can make your job much easier.

Even if you have always dreamed of a perfect baby room with ribbons and lace or Winnie-the-Pooh, your baby has been expecting nothing less than the closeness of his mother’s warm body and loving arms. Since it is so much fun to decorate and prepare a special area for baby, you can still make things as fancy as you like, while at the same time respecting the needs of your child.

Try to recall memories of your life as an infant. How did you feel alone, perhaps in another room, trying to communicate your needs? Were you afraid someone would never come? Why was it taking so long? When your mother finally heard, did she have to go heat a bottle? Or were your experiences quite different? Do you remember feeling a little hungry and cuddling close to drink your mother’s warm milk? You didn’t have to totally wake up or cry for comfort. You felt safe and secure and very peaceful. How do you want your baby to feel?

“By sleeping next to its mother, the infant receives protection, warmth, emotional reassurance and breast milk in just the forms and quantities that nature intended. This sleeping arrangement permits mothers (and fathers) to respond quickly to the infant if it cries, chokes, or needs its nasal passages cleared, its body cooled, warmed, caressed, rocked or held. It thus helps to regulate the infant’s breathing, sleep state, arousal patterns, heart rates, and body temperature. The mother’s proximity also stimulates the infant to feed more frequently, thus receiving more antibodies to fight disease. The increased nipple contact also causes changes in the mother’s hormone levels that help to prevent a new pregnancy before the infant is ready to be weaned…Children who have “co-slept” in a loving and safe environment become better adjusted adults than those who were encouraged to sleep without parental contact or reassurance… Infants cry much less frequently when sleeping next to their mothers, and spend less time awake. We think the more frequently infants are breast-fed, the less likely they are to die from cot death (SIDS)… Studies have shown that separation of the mother and infant have adverse consequences.” Dr. James J. McKenna, Professor of Anthropology, in World Health (the magazine of the World Health Organization)(1)

According to William Sears, M.D., “a baby’s overall physiological system works better when baby sleeps next to mother. The cardiorespiratory system is more regulated, less stressed; therefore, baby is less stressed and thrives better.”(2)

New research indicates that the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is higher if baby does NOT sleep with his parents.(3)

These days, people often rely on baby monitors to watch their babies during sleep. Remember that monitors are a substitute for mother. A baby in the womb spends nine months in very close contact with his mother day and night. It is then quite a shock to have to sleep alone. Even puppies and kittens sleep with their mothers. All of you will benefit from a contented baby, a relaxed mother, and a giving father.

In the 2nd chapter of Titus, we are told that young women are to learn how to love their children from older women, not men. Mothers are blessed with a special intuition and unique connection with their young. There is even a biological reaction that occurs in the mother when her baby cries.(4)

Having originally thought that a little bassinet next to our bed would be the ideal sleeping arrangement for our first baby, we soon found a better way. We bought a guard rail which made it safer for baby to sleep next to his mother. This was exactly where he wanted to be. And we soon discovered it was exactly where his parents wanted him to be as well. Having our baby sleep in our bed makes us all more relaxed, and it eliminates worrying. You will most likely find that everyone gets much more sleep, and it is also very convenient for night feedings and quick diaper changes. A diaper supply can be kept next to the bed. We certainly wasted a lot of money on a canopy crib although we did use it as a change table.

Experiment and be creative in determining the best sleeping arrangements for your family. Sometimes families are enthused about the idea of sharing sleep, but their reality is not so great because they try to stuff ten pounds of potatoes into a five pound bag! You are NOT going to get a good sleep if everybody is squeezed into too small of a bed. Make your sleeping area bigger! At different times and with a growing family, we have made changes in sleeping arrangements to ensure that everyone has sufficient space, is well rested, safe, and secure.

* Queen or King-sized bed with guardrail
* Bedside co-sleeper
* 3-sided-stationary-cradle attached to bed
* Mattress on floor next to bed (make sure blankets, pillows, etc. on higher bed are secure so they don’t fall on lower mattress)
* Any sized beds tightly side-by-side

To make night time parenting of an infant even easier, we keep the following things within reach of our bed since I have no intention of getting up in the night!!

* Diapers
* Tissues
* Undershirts (Our babies wear undershirts to bed because sleepers are too warm for them. We like the one-piece style with no snaps or buttons on the chest, but just three snaps at the bottom.)
* Waterproof change pads with soft material on one side (If baby’s diapers tend to leak, sleeping on these tend to protect the mattress and save unnecessary work.)
* Receiving blankets
* Portable telephone
* Touch light
* Garbage can
* Drinking water

You should not worry that your child will want to stay there forever. Over time, he will feel too big to share sleep with Mommy and Daddy. It is a very natural and gradual process, just like breastfeeding and learning to use the potty. Perhaps he will take it step by step, maybe sleeping next to your bed on the floor for a while. Life is much easier and less stressful if you choose to listen to your child concerning these and other issues. If your child has been sleeping alone and behavior issues arise, try letting him share your room again for awhile.

SIDS A Parent’s Guide to Understanding and Preventing Sudden Infant Death Syndrome and Nighttime Parenting, both by William Sears, M.D. and The Family Bed by Tine Thevenin are very helpful books that discuss sleeping issues.

If a parent smokes, takes drugs, consumes alcohol, sleeps on a waterbed, or uses too many pillows, etc. co-sleeping is risky.(5)

http://www.breastfeeding.com/reading_room/family_bed.html

My Favorite Things About Sleep Sharing

The following are my personal observations of sharing sleep with my baby.

~ I like to listen to those soft little coos in his sleep.
~ I like to watch him sleep.
~ I like to reach out and pat his back.
~ It is so touching to catch those little sleep smiles, and he sometimes even chuckles out loud in his sleep.
~ I feel secure when I hear his quiet steady breathing, and contented sighs.
~ I know he is safe.
~ However unlikely, I never fear having to go get him if there is a fire or emergency.
~ I like to cover up his little shoulders.
~ I like to be certain he is warm during our Canadian winter nights.
~ I am there to help him regulate his body temperature.
~ I am able to unconsciously teach him to sleep with my body rhythms.
~ If he starts to stir, I can sometimes comfort him back to a deep sleep.
~ Feeding baby couldn’t be easier or more convenient.
~ I am there to massage his tummy to relieve that uncomfortable feeling.
~ I am able to prevent him from completely waking up when his tummy feels empty, thus making it easier to get him back to sleep after nursing.
~ I never have to try to lower him down into a cold crib, desperately hoping not to awaken him.
~ I get more sleep.
~ Sleep sharing extends postpartum infertility.

You would not believe what you miss if your baby does not sleep with you. My absolutely favourite thing about having my baby sleep next to me is that I never miss the sleep giggles. And I recall feeling blessed one night at 5:00 AM when our toddler was so excited to tell me about a wonderful dream. The love, joy, and bonding that comes from “sharing sleep” is incredible. It seems the way it ought to be. Our babies will always share our bed.

© 2001-2008 This website and its contents are copyright and intended for educational purposes only. The information, research, experiences, and links contained herein have not been compiled by a physician and should not be considered as medical advice. Opinions expressed in the reference books and links may not in all cases reflect the beliefs of Carol@parentingfreedom.com.

End Notes

1. Dr. James J. McKenna, World Health, March-April (1996).
2. William Sears, M.D. and Martha Sears, R.N., The Discipline Book, Everything You Need to Know to Have a Better-Behaved Child - From Birth to Age Ten (United States: Little, Brown and Company, 1995), pp. 24,25.
3. William Sears, M.D. SIDS A Parent’s Guide to Understanding and Preventing Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. New York, NY: Little, Brown and Company, 1995.
4. William Sears, M.D. and Martha Sears, R.N., The Baby Book – Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby – From Birth to Age Two, (New York, NY: Little, Brown and Company, 1993), pp. 5, 49.
5. William Sears, M.D., Nighttime Parenting – How to Get Your Baby and Child to Sleep, (Schaumburg, Illinois: La Leche League International, Inc., 1999), pp. 41-42.

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